Cebulskis' Great Adventure

February Photos

2011-03-01T10:02:00.001-06:00

I'm keeping things simple and just going to post some photo updates and direct you to them from here...

To see a bunch of photos from February (including Rowan's 6th birthday and Gideon's Baptism) at Flickr, go HERE to check them out.

Photo update

2011-02-04T14:01:00.003-06:00

All I have time for right now is to post a link to flickr with a bunch of candid photos from this last month. So go HERE if you want to see some pics of Gideon as he's gotten a bit bigger!

We're fine over here, still enjoying Gideon---just tired, and enduring more crying than we had hoped with #3! I'll post a better update later :)

Gideon Joseph's Birth Day

2011-01-15T09:30:00.001-06:00

(First a disclaimer: this is a long post! And I'm pretty upfront with my language about birth, you've been warned. You'll have to scroll all the way to the bottom for a link to more photos at flickr).

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A few minutes after 2:00 AM I awoke with my first real contraction. My first reaction was a huge smile. Maybe this was finally it! I went to the bathroom and had a bit of diarrhea, another good sign! I knew that if labor was imminent, I should get some rest....so I tried to go back to bed. Another contraction followed in about 10 minutes....and after just that second one, I knew that this was it, and then the excitement prevented me from falling back asleep. Well, that and increasingly strong contractions! The contractions started coming about every five minutes, but I wanted to let Joe sleep as long as possible, so I didn't wake him just yet. The contractions were pretty manageable to breathe through while laying in bed.

About 3:15 I decided to wake Joe, the contractions were just so consistent and getting stronger. I roused him and said “I think we're going to meet our son today,” and he replied “huh?” and I had to repeat it 3 times before it sunk in! I had diarrhea a few more times but otherwise labored in bed....Joe and I both feeling eager and ready.

A little before 4:00 I started packing up a few things for the hospital and then called the nurse because my contractions were 2 and 3 minutes apart. Based on what I told her and it being my third baby, she told us to head right to the hospital. I called Joe's mom and asked them to come right away to stay with the girls...Joe took a shower and shaved, we finished gathering our things....with me stopping every few minutes to breathe through a contraction. I called my mom to let her know we would be leaving soon for the hospital and to be ready to meet us there. Joe's parents got to our house about 4:20....Joe packed the car and got it warmed up (it was a cold morning!)...and we left at 4:30. Riding in a car during labor is no fun—but we only had a short drive to St. Mary's and he dropped me off at Emergency to go park the van.

They took us to the labor and delivery floor and put us in a triage area. I was dreading triage, the place they put you to determine that you are, indeed, in labor....and sometimes make you stay in one place for 30 minutes or more with all the monitors on. I don't like to labor in one place. I want to be standing or on my hands and knees and moving in between. This triage experience was much better than with Piper's birth. The nurse really listened to me and allowed me to do whatever was most comfortable for me, and then expedited the whole process when she could tell that I was clearly in active labor. I was only dilated to a 2/3 when we first got there, but by the end of 30 minutes my contractions were getting more intense and I had dilated to a full 4.

So we got settled into a delivery room around 6:00...and my contractions continued to intensify. I went from mostly being able to breathe through them to really having to focus (and verbalize, and swear, and squeal) to get through them. The monitors were showing that my contractions never really let up, I wasn't getting full breaks between them....they would dip just a bit, but then go right back up. And that's just how it felt to me---like I wasn't getting a chance to recover.

I decided to get an epidural. I could write a whole lot about that decision for me, from the internal battle, to not feeling “tough enough”, to all the woman who I respect and admire who have had natural child births and this nagging guilt I feel for having anesthetized labors, but I'll save all that for another time.

What's important to say here is that when the anesthesiologist showed up at my room about 7:00, I wanted to kiss him on the lips. I was tired, hurting, and wanted relief. I wanted to be able to focus on the delivery and enjoy my baby's arrival....and I was not in a place of calm and presence to do it without the drugs. The relief from the epidural was nearly immediate. I felt so good.

When I got the epidural I was dilated to 6 or 7....and the nurse who was with us at that point told us AFTER I got the epidural that she didn't think there was going to be time. Things had started moving so fast, she thought I would completely dilate and just have to push. Then once I had the epidural, things slowed down just a bit. Which actually ended up being okay, because I had tested positive for Group B Strep (a common infection that women carry....asymptomatic in adults, but if transmitted to a newborn it can cause serious illnesses) and I was supposed to get two doses of antibiotics while in labor but before delivery. I had received one right away when I got to the hospital, but the next dose couldn't be given until 9:30. So with the epidural, even if I did fully dilate to a 10, they wanted me to sit tight and wait until 9:30 to get that last dose.

How strange to be going fast and furious towards delivery, in all kinds of pain....to suddenly be comfortable, laying in a bed, talking and laughing, and just waiting a few hours to be able to push! By this time my mom and Stacia had arrived and it was nice to have the company.

So I got that last dose of antibiotics a bit after 9:00 but then I was still only dilated to 8/9. Dr. Steen thought that my progress slowed because the baby was facing sideways (transverse) and the contractions were, in part, trying to get him positioned correctly. We had a few moments of worry, thinking about Rowan's birth and her eventual delivery all in the posterior position. Didn't want to do that again.

Dr. Steen broke my water when I was dilated to 10, then she had me turn on my side to try and get the baby to move into the right position. He did almost immediately! So about 10:15 everything was ready for me to push...except that my mom and Stacia had just left to go get some food in the cafeteria and we had to call them to return right away!...and then I could push. Dr. Steen got everything ready for the birth, a few more nurses came in and Joe got gloved up because he was planning to help deliver the baby.

So with my mom holding one leg, a nurse holding the other, Stacia taking pictures, and Joe at the foot of the bed with Dr. Steen, I started to push. I pushed through the first few contractions and they could see the head....making progress with each one. They reported that there was a little bit of hair! Just a few more contractions and I could feel the deep pressure of a head crowning. This was going so fast! These moments of pushing a baby into the world are simply amazing. I was so fully present and alert and aware and truly enjoying every part of what was happening.

The next push and his head was out. Then, with the doctor's hands guiding his, Joe was able to pull the baby out the rest of the way while I pushed. Joe said that it was amazing how much pressure he had to exert, that you would never think it was okay to pull on a baby's head/neck with that much force! But once his head and shoulder's were out, it was just moments later that Joe put him on my chest, all reddish purple and his back covered in vernix. I only pushed for a total of 8 minutes, and didn't tear at all, didn't even need one stitch! Amazing!

When Joe put the baby on my chest, and even with this being my third time around meeting a new child, the emotion was still overwhelming, still hard to describe in words. My child! My son!

I recognized him. Piper looked so different from Rowan at birth that it was a strange experience to meet her, who was she? But Gideon looked like ours, mostly because he reminded me so much of Piper! Like a bigger, boy version of Piper. We knew we were having a boy---but of course I still checked between his legs to be sure. And we had kept it a secret from everyone else, so we still had to “announce” it. Hello, Gideon, I said out loud. Our son!

There were an extra amount of tears at Gideon's arrival. I've seen Joe cry a lot this year. Seen him cry harder than I have ever seen before. And he's probably seen me cry in the last year, too, more than in our previous 14 years of knowing each other. But I have never seen him cry so hard in happiness. Not sure I've ever seen someone cry so hard for joy. And I'm sure I shed some tears at Rowan and Piper's births, but the floodgates really opened during this one.

Many of you know about the journey we've been on since January of last year. It has been a hard, painful year, full of some of the darkest moments I hope to ever endure. This year has also held times of grace and hope and deep joy. This pregnancy was not planned, and I spent much of the first part of it really struggling with not wanting to be pregnant, feeling like it was horrible timing and that the stress of pregnancy and a new baby were just going to be too much for us to handle. By my third trimester God had done a work in my heart and I felt ready and excited to have this baby. And Joe and I were in a good place, having done so much of the hard work of healing and reconciliation. I started to see that this child could mark a new beginning for all of us, coming during the first week of a new year, almost exactly a year after everything, and mark a time of fresh starts and second chances. Maybe not a timing I would have chosen, but one I am seeing as a part of God's mysterious, perfect plan, of which I can only see or understand a small part.

So at the moment of Gideon's birth, I was overcome with gratefulness. For how much I wanted this child, for how little ambivalence I felt about him, for how easy it was to love him. For his health and the easy delivery. And overcome with awe and gratefulness for how far we've been in a year, that Joe wanted this child, too, and loved him like he did.

We got to hold and examine Gideon for awhile, then they wanted to weigh and measure him and do a few of their hospital things. I agreed that they could take him, as long as it only took a few minutes! They weighed him and the scale showed 9 lbs 6 oz---exactly as big as Joe was at birth! Then they measured him (and Stacia told us later that the nurse actually re-measured him 3 times because she thought it must be wrong) and he was 23” long. A big, long baby! While they were doing the measurements I called Joe's mom, who was with Rowan and Piper, and reported the good news. Then I talked to Rowan. Rowan actually knew that we were having a boy and what we were going to name him---and she kept it a secret for months! We were so proud of her for not telling anyone. So I told her that her brother was here, that she could now tell anyone, and Joe held the phone by Gideon so she could hear him cry.

About an hour after his birth Rowan and Piper came up to see him. What a sweet time that was! So much joy to see those girls meet their new brother. Rowan has been through this before...but is a few years older and more mature now, tender and with it. Piper was a bit hesitant, she didn't want to get too close or hold him...but wanted to touch his head and talk sweetly to him. She has been calling him “my baby” or “my baby Gideon” for weeks already.

Looking at the pictures that Stacia took of those very first moments after birth and first holding Gideon....it's amazing how much blood, mucous, fluid, poop, vernix, and bodily stuff there is involved. It all looks kind of gross. And Gideon himself---his color is kind of off, he's all scrunched up and screaming, definitely not making his prettiest face. But at the moment that I first laid hands on him, the mess wasn't even a thought. Not even one bit yucky or alarming. I never even considered the gross stuff I might get on my hands or chest. I only had one overwhelming desire: to touch, to hold, to kiss, to know, to love this child. Pure love. All I saw was goodness, beauty. He was perfect to me.

And I can't help but think that's how God feels about us. We can be pretty gross creatures---full of yuckiness we'd rather not admit to ourselves or anyone else. Full of sin and selfishness. We're pretty messed up, red-faced and whiny. Why would God want anything to do with us? But that's just it: He made us. We are His. He wants to hold me with the same longing that I want to hold Gideon, no matter how ugly or dependent or gross I might be. And even more than that—He thinks I'm beautiful. That's the miracle of grace.

We've learned a lot about grace and forgiveness this year. Resisted it at times, both giving it and receiving it. Struggled through what it really looks like fleshed out in a human relationship. We've got a long ways to go, but this week I look into Gideon's eyes and know that grace looks something like this: a brand new baby, loved more than he knows: despite his neediness, his poopy diapers, his ridiculous schedule at night, his loud cries. This child is loved beyond reason, just for existing. It's how God feels about me. It's how He feels about Joe. It's how He feels about Rowan and Piper. It's how He feels about Gideon already.

Gideon is a gift of grace to us and a picture of grace for us.

As Pastor Dave always says, my prayer is that Gideon will grow up in the knowledge that while he is far more messed up than he may know, he is also infinitely more loved than he could possibly imagine.

To see a lot more pictures from Gideon's birth and the hospital, click HERE
You can click "slideshow" to see them all at once. A special thanks to my sister-in-law, Stacia, for taking all of the photos during labor, delivery, and afterward. It was a blessing to have her in the room with us AND have her take so many beautiful photos!

Piper is 2!

2010-12-23T13:31:00.005-06:00

To Piper on your second birthday,

Piper Jane. Just saying your name makes me smile. Where do I start with you, child? You have changed so much in a year. You are bigger (33 pounds! 37 inches! That is actually off the charts, literally, in both weight and height), your hair is longer, you move around proficiently, you sleep through the night, and you talk.

You talk! We know what's going on inside your head now, and it is a delight to hear. The last few months have brought an onslaught of new words and combinations and sentences---every day it is something new, and you make us smile. You are more content with your world, too, because you can communicate so much better. There was a rough patch in there, around 15-18 months, where we endured a lot of whining and frustration from you. You had stuff to say but couldn't say it, I think. I'd be frustrated, too.

You are silly. It seems like you have a good sense of humor---at least when you look at us with your head completely still and those eyes darting around purposefully, they look to be filled with wisdom and understanding and humor. You make all of us laugh and you revel in it. Your latest thing has been putting your hand to your forehead and exclaiming “oh, man!”...over and over again, because we keep laughing.

You sing...your favorites are ABCs (which you demand that I sing every night before bed, like a lullaby), Silent Night, Jingle Bells, Away in a Manger (it is, after all, almost Christmas!) You can sing most of those songs on your own (with a few made up words)---but usually you want someone to join you, and you aren't shy about tapping my leg and saying “sing, mommy!” Sometimes you wake up in the morning, happy, and we can hear you singing in the crib. It's the best way to wake up. The other morning Rowan joined you in your crib in the morning, and your dad and I laid in bed listening to the two of you talking, singing, being sweet in the early morning hour. It made me feel so happy.

You have friends! And your play isn't just about claiming ownership of a toy or doing parallel play---you interact, love, hug, connect. We took care of the Kuiper boys every Tuesday this past year, and you have built a special friendship with Judah, who is 2 ½. “Judah is my buddy” you say. One of the most recent times we saw them, you announced “I so happy to see you!” as you gave him a hug. You are also friends with Jack, Ben, Hannah, your cousins. You seem to get it: these are people my size. My friends.

You love this new baby we have coming. I'm not always sure how much you understand about this baby---like that it will come OUT of my body in a matter of days, and will be moving in with us for good. What I do know is that you are very aware of my belly, and you talk to it tenderly, always calling it “my baby.” Today we were at the grocery store and out of the blue, from your seat in the cart, you just cradled and stroked my belly, talking closely and giving it kisses, “hi baby, I love you baby.” I do know that you love other babies in our life....we'll see how you feel about this one coming, who will forever usurp your position in this family. I'm eager to see you negotiate your way into the position of middle child.

This fall we've spent a lot of one-on-one time together because Rowan is in kindergarten three full days a week. Even though you ask all day long “where RoRo go?” and I know that you would prefer it if she never left us, I have enjoyed the time just with you. You have an attention span for reading books that is longer than mine. You are curious, engaging, easy to be around. Well, for the most part. If I have too much to do....if I've put you off one too many times with laundry or cooking or editing photos....you let me know. You are not a wallflower, that's for sure. You make your voice heard one way or the other. I always say that I'd rather my daughters be assertive---but sometimes you can be so demanding, child!

Oh, and sometimes you show that assertiveness with a bite. Not sure what to do about that one. Rowan never bit anything ever---so this is new territory for us. And it hasn't just been an experiment for you---you're pretty committed to the idea that biting will accomplish something. Or at least that it's a great way to express your frustration or anger or impatience. You've bitten several friends (hard) and Rowan has been on the receiving end of a half dozen bites, too. We've done everything we're supposed to---firm explanations, immediate consequences, time outs, apologies. None of it phases you much. And you say “I'm sorry, RoRo” so sweetly afterward that it breaks our hearts. And makes us a little annoyed. Then you bite her the next day. We're hoping that you grow out of it soon.

You walk into most situations with confidence. You love going to nursery and don't look back when we drop you off. You have no problem when I leave you with grandparents or someone else---you seem secure in yourself, secure in my love for you, secure in the knowledge that I will come back for you. You have a healthy dose of independence.

Some of your favorite things at 2: books, blocks, cars and trucks, puzzles, Rowan, babies, dolls, fruit snacks, church nursery, your paci (or papi, as you call it!), apple juice, yogurt in a tube, wrestling with daddy, swinging, singing, stickers, taking walks, playing at the park, swimming.

For these last days before our new baby comes, I am treasuring you as my baby, Piper. I have loved having you as my baby, my youngest. I know that in a short amount of time I will not be able to carry you as much...and even though my belly is big and you are a whopping 33 pounds, right now I just want you on my hip.

I want to snuggle you, hold you close, keep you right here. At just turned two. It's a good age. Will you just stay my baby a little while longer, so I can memorize everything, so I can be sure not to forget?

I love you, Piper Jane. How much do I love you? As you say to me now, “SO, SO much,” with your arms flung wide.

Yes, so so SO much.

Happy Birthday!

Mommy

To see some more photos of Piper at 2 (and her big sister!) click HERE.

38 weeks

2010-12-22T21:57:00.004-06:00

This pregnancy has just flown by! I guess it makes sense with a third baby--I'm pretty busy with the other two, time just goes so much faster.

I did make sure to stop and get some photos of the belly, though, just in time! My friend Jill Herweyer, who also took photos of me when I was about this pregnant with Piper, helped me out again and took some amazing shots of me and the girls yesterday. We had fun! I'm not used to being on the other side of the camera---but I know that I won't regret it.

Piper turns 2 tomorrow, then Christmas....so I'm just hoping that the baby waits until all those celebrations are done. I wouldn't mind going close to the full 40 weeks and having this child's birthday farther away from Christmas :)

I probably included too many photos here, but if you want to see a few more there is a set at Flickr that you can link to HERE.

Family Photos

2010-10-08T18:40:00.003-05:00

We attempted some family photos a few weeks ago. Always fun to try and be the photographer and the mom :) Thanks to the tripod, interval timer, and Aunt Jenny and Kai getting our attention....we got a few!

You'll also notice in the photos that I have a little something growing in my belly :) Cebulski #3 will be making an appearance during the first weeks of 2011, right after Piper turns 2. Life is about to get crazy!

To see some more photos from our little shoot, click here.

One more photo link

2010-09-16T21:09:00.004-05:00

Look at me!

Click here to see some photos of our annual week at Lake Michigan with the Hoeksema family in late June. There are some delicious photos of my sister Jenny and her son Kai, my brother Adam and his kids....and also a few shots of a visit from Jenny's birth mother and her daughter. It was the first time they all met, and we all got to be a part of it! Pretty special.

There, now if that didn't sell you to look at them, I don't know what will :)

July/August photos

2010-09-16T14:46:00.001-05:00

Here I go!

Click here for photos from July/August 2010.

I'm practically all caught up!

More Photos!

2010-09-15T22:20:00.001-05:00

I'm slowly getting there:

Here is a big ole photo update from May/June 2010:

Click here.

I'll be back later for July/August--then I'll be almost caught up!

Photo Update

2010-09-10T22:06:00.003-05:00

Can it be? A new blog post?

I've been a bit distant lately from this family blog. So I am way behind in doing much of anything with personal photos.

I went through and put some on Flickr....going all the way back to January, ay caramba!

So here's a link to a flickr set from January and February:
click HERE.

Yes, Rowan turned 5 in February, and this set includes some birthday photos. Better late than never, right?

And here's a link to a set from March and April:
click HERE.

It's a bunch of random, every day photos...mixed in with a trip to FL that the girls and I took with some friends, little trips to the beach, and every day moments. They are all there. And hopefully they are mostly self-explanatory, because there is no way I can go back and fill in the gaps with actual posts. The pictures will have to do!

Rowan is 5!

2010-03-30T23:17:00.004-05:00

(to see more photos of Rowan at 5, go to the photography blog here)

(This post is over a month late. Better late than never! I wanted to share parts of a letter I wrote to Rowan this year. It was kind of a long one this year, and I think she's old enough now that some of it I will leave personal.)

Rowan Joy, 2-21-2010

You are 5 today! I think about all the birthday letters I have written, and how I look forward to each one--they are like love letters, giving me a time to reflect on all of the things about you that I adore, and all the things in the last year that I see in you---growing you, changing you, forming your little heart.

I probably say this in every birthday letter, but it’s only because I feel it so strongly: I cannot believe I have a 5 year old! 5! That’s half way to 10, a quarter of the way to 20. It’s a big one. Like becoming a teenager, turning 21, entering your 30s. 5 fits in there. You are my oldest, my first. So I will always go through these milestones with you for the first time. There is something really special about that, child.

5 is far from being a baby or even a toddler. 5 is a girl. Not even a little girl. A girl. And I love the girl that you are.

You are very different from me. There have been a few times in the last weeks that you’ve exclaimed “mom, you just don’t understand me!” And I’ve thought….are we really starting this already? But I also smile, because you are right. I don’t always understand you. Sometimes I get impatient with you. Sometimes I don’t get your sensitivities, your deliberateness, your pickiness about clothes or food.

I might not always understand you, child, but I know you fully. And I love you fully. I couldn’t love you more, truly. When you smile at me, touch my face tenderly, tell me that you love me….it swells my heart to the point of bursting.

Rowan, you know what you want. You pick out your clothes each morning with certainty--and our only scuffles now come when you insist on wearing leggings with holes in the knees (because they have been worn so lovingly)…and I think that wherever we are going, requires un-holey clothing. We can usually figure it out.

You also know what you want to eat, and request things with specificity. Lunchables are your new answer to prayer: each item separated from each other in a divided plate, with a wrapped treat for dessert. It’s your heaven.

I love that you are sure of yourself in those ways. I admire your stubbornness, even when it irritates me. I look to your future and pray that you will stay a strong person, a strong woman. It will serve you well when life gets messy.

You have caught the love of words this year. I’ve decided not to push you on reading, but rather follow your lead and make sure you want to do it. You’ve figured out how to sound out so many words and letter combinations, and are writing several words on your own, too. I can’t wait to see you unlock the rest of the puzzle of reading and writing--you’re going to love it!

You have blossomed in your friendships this year. Last year, you mostly clung to my legs in new social settings…and even on our street, where you should have been getting comfortable with the kids and parents, you still seemed to hang back and not engage with the other kids. You’ve come out of your shell a bit---confidently crossing the street for playdates with Katie or Eden, staying outside by yourself to play with the neighborhood kids---it’s awesome to watch you make your way, interact, enjoy friendships. The people who you choose to surround yourself with are so important---I love watching you make decisions about who to hang around with, who you want to be close to.

You are curious about how things work--the earth, the stars, the human body. You ask good questions, and get excited about learning something new. You tell me, in a serious voice “I am very interested in how the human body works.” You have several kid encyclopedias (space, horses, sharks, insects)….and they are often your choice to read at bedtime. I’m not sure what I would do without google (probably just go to the library more often, which might be a good thing)…because it seems like almost daily, I have to google something to figure out how to answer one of your questions.

You care about how you look. This morning you dissolved in tears because your hair wasn’t laying just right. You check yourself out in the mirror. I’m trying to help you have a healthy perspective on beauty. You are beautiful and you always will be. I pray that you don’t hold it in too high esteem, that you don’t care about it too much.

I’m eager to watch your relationship with Piper this year. You told me recently that you wished she was still a newborn…I think you said this as she was getting into some of your toys in your room. Right now she isn’t much of a playmate…mostly just a threat, because she is very interested in all your toys, and she doesn’t have great judgment nor is she very careful. But I can already see her looking up to you, and I see the way you smile at her with tenderness, and enjoy her, and I overhear you telling her you love her….and I pray that you two will be good to each other, and maybe even eventually become good friends. The sound of you two laughing together…well, I honestly cannot think of a sound that brings me more pleasure.

I am proud of you, child. Proud of the girl you are and the girl you are becoming. I love you so much it hurts.

Happy 5th Birthday!

Mom

Do I post photos of my girls on the other blog? Or here? Or both?

2010-01-07T21:31:00.003-06:00

Check out a quick post with photos of Rowan and Piper on the photography blog here.

Most personal photos I will post here, but if there are some personal photos that might help market the photography business, where should I put them? For people that check both blogs (hi mom!)...I don't want to be redundant.

Big Photo Update Oct-Dec 2009

2010-01-06T08:45:00.005-06:00

I have to figure out a way to keep up better with blogging the day-to-day. When I started this blog, we were embarking on an adventure and it was easy to have places or events to post about in a single blog post. I want to blog more about daily things, without it going 3 months without posting just the "everyday" photos. But I also don't want to bore anyone. Hmmm.

I've put some notes under photos on Flickr, and that will be my way of recording those things for now. If you watch the slideshow for each month, you can enable it to show the photo description while you do the slideshow...since some photos might need an explanation!

To see a set from October (Halloween!) click here.

To see a set from November (Thanksgiving!), click here.

To see a set from December (Piper's first birthday and Christmas!) click here.

Piper is ONE!

2009-12-23T08:00:00.001-06:00

(To see a few more pictures of my girl at one, go to the photography blog here)

To Piper on Her First Birthday, 12-23-2009
Piper Jane,

You grew in my deepest space while we traveled like people without a home. Our first thoughts of you began in an RV in California, pulled by a truck running on veggie oil. Your little cells started to divide while we lived in a house with many athletes, all focused on a similar 2008 Olympic goal. My stomach turned in nausea, your heart beating deep within mine already (and still is), as those athletes cooked their various meats and healthy foods in our kitchen.

I couldn’t be in the same room as meat. As a being the size of a lima bean, you were already dictating a part of my life.

While your brain started to send synapses to your heart, telling it to pump blood, we moved from that house with all those athletes, back into our RV space. For weeks, we talked about what would be next. Where you would be born, where you would take your first steps. Your dad and I were not exactly on the same page. Sometimes I wonder if there is an effect on your psyche from the tension of those days of decision. Did you feel my stress, my uncertainty, my tears on many of those hours? We tried to shield Rowan from it, but we couldn‘t really wait until you went to sleep.

As your lungs formed to one day handle air, we moved to Michigan. First we lived with Grandma and Grandpa, then Nana and Papa, then we had our own place in a friend’s guest house for a month. Then we lived with the Heffners for several months. Then, you spent your last week in my womb, in my childhood home, with my mom and dad. And that is where you lived your first 3 months on the outside of my body.

Hours before the contractions that brought you forth began, I sat with your dad in my childhood family room. Maybe I had a premonition, because I spent the day organizing…and then, right before we turned in for the night, I said to your dad, “if I go into labor tonight, and we have a girl, what will we name her?” Our girl name had not been finalized yet (we thought we had time! Over a week until your due date!) He looked me directly in the eyes. “Piper Jane.” We still deliberated a bit after you were born, but I think it was mostly for show. I knew the night before that if you were a girl, you would be Piper.

And here we are now, you are turning one year old. In our own house. In a stuck house. In Grand Rapids. It is quite possible that you will live here, on these old wood floors, using that bathtub, for many of your early years. The circumstances of your conception and growth within me do not match the relative stability of most of your first year.

Ironically, it’s something your dad worries about for you. Not the crazy beginning--he worries about the lack of adventure in your present and near-future.

I had longed for you, child. Did you know that? How I wanted to be pregnant again, to feel those tumbles within. To experience giving birth again. To breastfeed, and smell that newborn smell. It’s fierce, that biological drive. Just ask your dad. I don’t think he knows how to contend with it at times.

But just so you know, you were wanted, in the deepest way possible.

I was prepared for the worst when adding you to our family. Sibling rivalry, sleepless nights. Crying, and lots of it. After all, I’d done this once before, and now I was going to do it WITH an older child. Some of my expectations were met (a year later, and we’re STILL not sleeping through the night!), others seem a distant and silly worry.

It’s nice to have a baby around, you know? Those chubby legs (oh, the legs!), the toothless grins (and now the 4-teeth grins, almost equally as cute, although the gap between your top 2 teeth is alarmingly wide!), the open-eyed wonder at just about anything (you giggled tonight in the tub when you figured out how to make sound come out of a flute-type thing--you almost couldn’t repeat it because you kept laughing so hard every time you began, so pleased with yourself in anticipation.)

Here are some snapshots of your first year:

-wrapped up like a burrito, tuft of hair sticking out all over, sleeping that deep newborn sleep in the crook of the couch.

-riding in and loving the Moby wrap, any way we wrapped it.

-your quick and business-like nursing.

-watching Rowan, watching Rowan, watching Rowan.

-trying anything--and I do mean anything---to figure out how you would sleep the best.

-getting diagnosed with pneumonia at 5 months and all those tests, pricks, and prods, too much for a baby.

-trying to figure out what to do with all your hair, finally settling on 2 ponytails, eventually taming down to be able to handle 2 barrette-like clips.

-your quick smile and hearty laugh.

-getting baptized with Rowan and your cousins Shae and Tayva--your great-grandpa Pekelder baptized you all, and I’ll never forget holding you in my arms…and your wide eyes as you watched his hand come over you, you smiled, almost laughed, at the surprise of the sprinkle.

-your assertive spirit. That’s a nice way of saying that you are strong-willed. Which is a nice way of saying that you are bossy. In the last few months you’ve especially revealed this trait---you’ve played around with throwing tantrums, you can whine with the best of them, and you absolutely scold anyone who crosses your will.

-the way you’ve made the sign for “nurse” your own. It’s supposed to look a bit like milking a cow, a fist opening and closing. You tried that for awhile, but have settled on a 2 handed version of the sign for “cash-money”, more like rubbing your thumbs over your other fingers. Give me the milk now, momma.

-the way you journeyed into solid foods with gusto---and the equal gusto with which you started showing preferences. You went very quickly from a varied, impressive diet that included all kinds of dark green vegetables and things as exotic as kale and artichoke….to literally scraping pureed food out of your mouth with your whole hand, and stubbornly refusing to try something suspicious by burying your chin into your neck. Did I mention the strong will?

-your negotiation skills. I’m pretty sure Rowan never tried a chip, a french fry, a cookie, ice cream, goldfish, a rice krispie treat, or sips of momma’s tea, before her first birthday. You, my love, have convinced us to let you taste all of those things, and more.

-the way you love to read books. You’re bringing them to us, now, and you get so excited when we first sit down with a book. You have some favorites. You ohh and ahh. In this photo, you've just spotted a bird in your book, and you're giving me your sign for bird. You are really that excited.
-your drunken walking. I adore the stage of early walking, if only for the way your butt waddles like an old lady.

I know you intimately, child. I could fill page upon page with the details I know about you, the quirks that I love, the many moments throughout a day that I want to smother you with kisses and wrap you up in my love.

Stay here awhile, will you? Just-turned one is a good age.

I love you, Piper Jane. And I always will.

Happy Birthday.

(Post-script: I wrote this on the eve of Piper’s birthday. Had a rough night for the 3rd night in a row, so called the DR this AM…and Piper got a fun first birthday present: a double ear infection. Wasn’t exactly in our plans for the day, but we’ll roll with it! She's miserable. And thankfully, presently sleeping.)

On haircuts and girlhood

2009-12-16T22:32:00.002-06:00

I’ve been looking at Rowan with fresh eyes the last few days. She is a girl. Not a baby, not a toddler, not even a little girl anymore. She’s almost 5, and she’s a girl. I saw a photo of her the other day from just a few years ago. She had those chubby toddler cheeks. I look at her now and in my mind’s eye, I can see her at 13, maybe even at 22.

When I picked her up from pre-school yesterday, her teacher pulled me aside. Rowan had a tough day at school, she said. Some girls were unkind to her, one even said that she didn’t want to be Rowan’s friend anymore. Rowan told the teacher. Rowan cried while they talked about it. I’m so thankful for a teacher whose eyes well up with tears as she recounts a hurtful experience for one of her students. Rowan wasn’t mean back. But she was thrilled when, later in the day, one of the little girls decided to be nice to her again. A bit too quick to forgive and forget.

Oh, my heart. There are so many things I cannot protect her from. There are so many things I won’t be there for. I am shifting the way I look at her---she’s a girl, on her way to becoming a grown-up adult, completely separate from me, and she is capable. Sure, it’s my job to help equip her for what she might face. To listen, to offer advice if she wants it. To cry with her, hold her, reassure her.

But she will come across other mean people in her life, when I’m not there to protect her or tell her what to do, and she has to figure out how to deal with them.

I waited for Rowan to tell me about it, feeling thankful for the heads up from her teacher. Rowan told me kind of nonchalantly at first, clearly wanting to gauge my reaction. I dropped what I was doing (which was taking care of 5 children under the age of 4 :)), got down on my knees right by her…looked her square in the eye, and said that I was so sorry that happened and how much it must have hurt her feelings. I told her how terrible it made me feel. Great big tears sprung to her eyes. Out of hurt feelings, yes…but also out of relief from being heard, I think.

We talked about it on and off the rest of the day. She seemed so pleased that the girl was being nice to her by the end of the day, defensive almost---and I struggled to express to her that I wanted her to protect her heart, that she shouldn’t tolerated being treated poorly, that the little girl should apologize to make things right. That Rowan should tell her how much it hurt her feelings. But those are grown-up things, and in Rowan’s mind, all was well because the girl decided to be nice again. Maybe we should all be so quick to forgive. I just don’t want her heart to get trampled on. How do I help her find the balance?

We had our first huge snow a few weeks ago and school was canceled. All the neighbor kids were sledding on our front lawn by 9:00 AM. I got Piper and Rowan all bundled up, but Rowan was frustrated. It’s hard for all those layers to feel right to her. She was finally dressed, and went to the mirror to inspect herself. “I just don’t look good!” She declared. And so it begins. She cares about how things feel AND how things look. A girl.

Last week, Rowan was standing in front of that same full-length mirror in our closet, this time totally naked, brushing her hair. Joe passed through the closet to get something, and Rowan asked him “do I look beautiful when I’m naked?” Super star dad response, without skipping a beat or even having to think about it, Joe said “Rowan, you have a great body.” His response detracted from the beauty issue, and the nudity issue, and affirmed the goodness of her created physicality. She’s picking up all kinds of things already about what it means to be beautiful….and I can see in her little face how receptive she is right now to what her mommy and daddy think.

Joe was gone tonight and Piper went to bed early. Rowan has been wanting to take a bath with me, which we haven’t done for a long time….so we did. We talked about all kinds of things in the warm closeness of the tub. Why the woman at Meijer’s had her head covered with cloth. What day-dream means, and what we day-dream about. About Advent, and Jesus’ birthday party at school tomorrow. She washed my feet. I washed her hair, then blow dried it. A few weeks ago she wanted me to blow dry her already dry hair---“because it makes me feel warm and good all over!”

While I was blow-drying her hair, she asked if I would trim her hair. I’ve done that once before, and it didn’t really need it tonight, but I thought why not? She wanted me to do it a little shorter in front (not bangs, but kind of layers). Mind you, I have no idea how to cut hair. A straight trim across the back makes me nervous. But I figured I could give it a whirl and we could always go get a real haircut tomorrow.

Rowan is very particular, if you hadn’t noticed. And I am not one to be trusted with something as sacred as your hair. As I trimmed, our eyes caught in the mirror, and she grinned a little---her face one of complete love. Total trust. I thought to myself “Do you have ANY IDEA how horrible this haircut could turn out? Do you have ANY IDEA how little experience I have at this?” Oh yeah, and I smiled back.

And I thought….Truth. I don’t really know what I’m doing cutting hair, but I’ll give it a try for you, child. I’ll do my best. Your confidence in me only spurs me on. And aren’t a lot of things in life about confidence? About smiling and acting like you know what you’re doing?

Just like I’m not a hairstylist, there are some days I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing as a parent, like I am out of patience, tired, have other things to do, and am completely confused about this issue or that. But I’m doing the best I can for you, child. I’m doing the best I can.

As long as you look at me with those big, trusting eyes. And even when you don’t anymore, maybe even more so then, I will keep plugging on. Praying. Discussing things with your dad. Calling my girlfriends. Hoping. Hugging you.

Smiling at you in the mirror.

I am capable.

You are capable.

And your haircut isn’t half bad.

A new blog, just for my photography!

2009-12-06T19:18:00.003-06:00

I have started a new blog, separate from this family blog, to begin recording my photo sessions and work with non-family members!

I have one post up there as of now (and alas, the initial photos are of my girls, already posted to THIS blog!)---but am planning on adding many more as the weeks progress. It'll be a way for clients to get a sneak-peek of their sessions, and also a way for any one who is interested to follow my current work. And a way for me to continue to grow as a photographer. Ill actually be going back and posting from some sessions over the last few months....and eventually catch up to be in real-time.

Check it out! Put it on your blog favorites or on google reader or however else all you blog-stalkers (you know who you are!) keep up on us! I'd love to see you over there!

The web address is:

www.lauracebulskiphotography.blogspot.com

I've also updated the website a bit (although I'm having some glitches and needed to take a breather from fighting with the system)...but there are some new photos on there. The main website is still:

www.cebulskiphotography.com

Thanks for all your support!

an old letter to Rowan, when she was 11 months old

2009-11-23T11:19:00.002-06:00

So I was going through some old stuff on the computer this weekend and came across this thing I had written for Rowan when she happened to be 11 months old. Piper is 11 months old today---so it kind of struck me. I didn't have this blog back then, so I figured it was worth a posting....almost 4 years later! I think I had read this question in an Oprah magazine, of all things, and the following was my reply to Rowan.

What’s the most important piece of advice you can give your daughter about being beautiful, feeling beautiful?

You’re 11 months old today, and I don’t think you could be any more beautiful than you are right now. Last night, you ran your hands, covered in pizza sauce, through your hair and over your face—then looked to us in delight. You make these hilarious faces; we call one of them your “evil eye,” without self-consciousness, only to make us laugh. You strut around in your holy nakedness with pride and pleasure. You are pure. You don’t care what anyone thinks of your appearance. It’s hard to imagine you fretting over how a pair of jeans fits, or sneaking makeup to put on after you’ve left the house, or groaning “oh mother” when I don’t allow you to buy a shirt that looks “soooo cute” on you. But I know those times are coming. Eventually you will learn how interested this world is in beauty.

Always know that I thought you were most beautiful today—at 11 months, with broccoli in your hair, and that I will also think you are most beautiful at 11 years old, and 31, and 61.

When you think too much about beauty, when you worry about it obsessively, when you spend too much money on it, when you shed tears about it--as soon as you work too hard to be beautiful, you become less beautiful. The most beautiful women I know don’t spend that much time on it. One of the most beautiful women I know wears her hair the exact same way every single day, and has for over twenty years. The most beautiful women don’t really understand how beautiful they are…and if they did, they wouldn’t really care. Because they’re more concerned with the latest social injustice they learned about, their amazing children, or their rewarding careers. Be passionate. Love what you do. Beauty will be secondary, and automatic.

Take care of yourself. Floss. Get enough sleep. Wash behind your ears. Exercise. Wear clothes that fit. Take chances. Try new styles. Be pampered once in awhile.

Care less about yourself. When you focus on the people around you, you realize how unimportant it is to have the whitest teeth or the tannest skin. Be selfless, and you will be beautiful.

Don’t believe the smiling, overpaid celebrity you see touting the next miracle cream. Protect your heart. Protect your confidence. Tell yourself “they’re not real!” over and over again if you have to--about fake boobs, botoxed eyes, impossibly thin magazine cover images. They’re not real.

Don’t wear makeup every day.

Love your skin--the thick skin covering your elbows, the delicate skin between your toes, the vast desert of skin over your back, the ocean of skin dressing your stomach. Love it when it’s smooth and tight when you’re 15, love it when it’s stretched over a miraculous pregnant belly when you’re 28, love it when it bears the stretches and strains of that life-giving at 40. Love your skin when it deepens with wrinkles. Love it when it jiggles on the underside of your arm as you wave goodbye to your grandchildren. Tattoo it, if you can be that committed. Pierce it, if you can handle the pain. Don’t do either in a place that cannot heal or be covered up for an important interview. Celebrate your skin, celebrate you.

A guy likes a girl who can go from being sweaty playing basketball or hiking in the woods to looking acceptable…no, looking beautiful… for a symphony in under an hour. 30 minutes is even better. 15 will make you the most dateable girl around. Just ask your dad.

Don’t fight getting older. You’re not supposed to look like a 21 year old forever, and no one expects you to. Wear your gray hair proudly. Your dad thinks it’s sexy when an older woman wears her hair long and gray. Marry a man like your father.

Marry a guy who thinks supermodels are not real.

Marry a guy who understands that true beauty should not require hundreds of dollars of skin cream and makeup, and who doesn’t expect you to wake up in the morning looking like you’re ready for the prom. Marry a guy who thinks you’re beautiful in sweatpants, beautiful after giving birth, beautiful when you’re singing off-key in the car, beautiful when your nose is runny, beautiful when you’re 65.

Have I always followed this advice? Of course not. Has anyone? But I’ve tried, and I think I’ve done pretty well. I can get ready for a fancy event in no time. I don’t bother with makeup most days. I didn’t get a real haircut until I was an adult. I married your father. I thought my body was the most beautiful when I was 9 months pregnant with you. But sometimes I find myself fretting over a poorly timed pimple (yes, they still happen after adolescence), wishing that my hair was more this, my thighs more that, my skin more whatever. If I’m having a particularly self-conscious day, I see a stunning woman at the supermarket and I get a twinge of jealousy. Don’t beat yourself up. No one is perfect, not in beauty or in wisdom. If someone, someday, tells me that you are a beautiful person on the inside--it will be one of my best moments.

I have this friend. She lost 3 of her babies. Then she lost both breasts to cancer. Then she lost her hair. We’re the exact same age, 28, born a day apart. She knows more about beauty than I will ever know. She has the most radiant smile. She always did, really, but it took stripping away her luscious hair (she had the best hair), and flattening out her breasts, to really get a look at that smile.

It stops you in your tracks.

Want that kind of beauty.

i'm in love...

2009-11-20T13:18:00.003-06:00

with these girls!

I'm trying out some new lighting techniques and also some new fabric backgrounds. These are from this morning. There are a few more shots on this set-up here.

Sigh. Are they really mine?

sisterly love

2009-11-18T22:21:00.002-06:00

While Joe and I prepared dinner tonight, Rowan came downstairs and proudly displayed the sign she had just made for her door: NO PIPER, with a picture of Piper with an X over it. She did this all on her own initiative, and I especially like the rendering of Piper's hair.

Have I mentioned how particular Rowan is about her things? She loves having friends over, but struggles deeply with sharing her toys....and I know that for her, it's equally as much letting go of the organization she has in her room as it is letting someone play with her stuff. She really doesn't like her room to be messy. For a long time after we moved in, she absolutely did not want me to go in her room without her...for fear that I would move something or disrupt her idea of organization.

So you can imagine how she feels about (a now VERY mobile) Piper playing in her room. I've noticed that 10 month olds don't have much respect for order. And they tend to like their big sister's stuff.

It's the first time, honestly, that Rowan has really struggled with having a sister.

Later in the evening, when Rowan taped her sign to her door, she told me "This is really good news and really bad news. It's really bad news for Piper, but it's really good news for me."

If only a sign on the door could keep Piper at bay. I'd put one all over my door at 2:00 AM!

Piper is taking steps

2009-11-12T09:05:00.003-06:00

She's officially taking steps....more than just a few at a time. The last few days, it's been 10, 12, 15 steps at once. Of course, there is still a lot of crawling going on...and a lot of falling....but you can tell in this photo how pleased she is with herself about the walking!

Like most babies, she is also obsessed with drawers, doors, cabinets, and making huge messes wherever she goes. She loves the dishwasher. She actually helped me put all the tupperware lids away yesterday! Starting to pull her own weight already!

love this girl

2009-11-05T18:34:00.002-06:00

My lovely lady this morning. Don't you just want to kiss her cheeks?

And don't miss the two posts below this...both put up yesterday :)

Kitchen and Dining Room Completed!

2009-11-04T20:41:00.003-06:00

BEFORE:

AFTER:

I'm finally getting around to posting some photos of our finished kitchen and dining room. You'll have to head over to the set on flickr to see all the pics and all the details....but I'll list some of the information here, too.

Oh my, where to start. Once again, Joe has done an amazingly detailed job on this space. I'll start with the kitchen. I did manage to convince Joe to purchase the cabinets rather than build them himself (it took a lot of convincing)....but he installed them all, including adding a few inches to everything but the island (for us tall folk). Then he designed and poured the concrete counter tops...which you'll have to check out all the pictures to see some of the details there. An integral drain board (seems simple...but how do you make a form for that, including the steel channels? a bit mind-bending), a built-in knife rack, a subtle indented "fruit bowl"...and what has earned him the moniker "lover-boy" by the neighbor guys: a really cool L + J design that Joe originally came up with for the cover of a gift he made while we were dating....and eventually showed up on our wedding ceremony, and evolved into the design that is on each of our wedding rings. Joe found a guy who cut the design into steel, then Joe put it into the counter top. Around the stove on the island, Joe made part of the counter out of oak....then added some stainless steel circles that serve as hot pads.

I'm sure I'm missing some details. Follow the link at the end of this post to see the photos and notes.

The dining room--Joe had the idea of using steel sheets as the background for wainscoting instead of something more traditional (wood or paint), then he trimmed it out with detailed wood-working including inlays of a darker wood.

The trim throughout the downstairs is white oak that Joe bought from a guy on Craigslist. This guy gets trees that are already coming down from utility companies and other construction jobs, then he mills it all locally, and sells it for a great price. Joe's dad has done all the window trim and helped out a lot with the other trim--incredibly detailed and beautiful work.

So now we have the second half of the downstairs left: the living room and back room (den?) and 1/2 bath in the back. These rooms are a lot less involved than the kitchen and dining room---and much of the ground work has already been laid (yes, he already took out another wall:) And the bathroom is all plumbed and the electrical is all done. He is taking a few days detour to re-do the flat roof on the backside of the house....but we're not far off now!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Before you head over to flickr to see the rest of the photos of the kitchen, make sure to check the post directly below this, too, because I also added some photos of the girls there today!
To see more photos of the kitchen/dining room, click here.

Autumn Photos

2009-11-04T13:36:00.003-06:00

Just a few photos of the girls from the past few weeks....enjoying fall in Michigan!
To see a few more photos from these days, click here.

The first 2 photos here were taken by my friend Jill....she also took the last dozen or so photos in the set on Flickr. Thanks Jill! It is always such a challenge to get my own kids photographed....I love the help (and thanks to Mom, too, for helping with a very fussy Piper in the first set of photos! where does my happy baby go when the camera comes out?)

Piper is taking a few steps---I love this first photo, it captures these fleeting weeks when steps are so tentative...how quickly they give way to full-confidence walking!

big photo update

2009-10-24T11:53:00.003-05:00

I have put 2 sets of photos on flickr, one from july/august, the other from september/october.

Since I am so far behind in updating, I'm just going to let the pictures do the talking. I've added more details under each photo than normal---so you can see any updates by looking at the photos!

To see the set of photos from July/August, click here.

To see the set of photos from September/October, click here.

One of the best things to happen in September: the birth of my sister's son, Kai!

how can you not smile....

2009-10-12T22:29:00.002-05:00

...when you have this to greet you after a nap??

This is our girl, Piper, at 9.5 months. I have not posted a photo of her in awhile, and this one just cracks me up. I have lots of photos to go through and post--but I took this one today when I went in to get her from her nap, and I just had to post it. The hair, the smile...can it get any better? This is also evidence of why I always put her hair in ponytails :)

And then a few shots of a proud Piper who has learned to clap. These photos are the best I could do to capture it today, but she is very excited about this new skill and just lights up when I start to sing "Clap, clap, clap your hands, clap your hands together!"

You'll notice in the photos that Piper is eating in a high chair. That's right. A high chair. At our table. In our dining room.

I promise, I promise...just a few more pieces of trim, and then I WILL post pictures of the kitchen and dining room!!

I have been keeping really busy taking photos of people and trying to keep up with the editing. I'm assuming that as the weather turns colder, I'll be able to stop and catch my breath and get things updated (most of my shoots have been outdoors).

Thanks for checking in on us!

she does not have allergies

2009-09-15T22:15:00.003-05:00

Click here to see an example of how photos that are sold on istockphoto might be used.

This clinic actually contacted me directly because they had seen the photo on the blog and wanted to purchase the right to use it....TOTAL coincidence that it is a business in Grand Rapids!

Kinda fun, huh?

she knows what she wants

2009-09-13T21:40:00.003-05:00

Two firsts for Piper today, both discovered in bed while we snuggled this morning.

1. her first teeth are poking through---two bottom ones at the same time. finally some teeth! and they don't seem to be bothering her too much at this point (not that her sleep could really get any worse for an 8 month old, but oh well!)

2. her first unprompted sign! we did a lot of signs with Rowan, but I don't feel like I've been as consistent with showing Piper how to do signs yet. It's hard to be motivated to keep modeling them when the baby can't do them yet. I've been trying to do "more" and "nurse" and "please" and a few other simple ones.

This morning in bed, she was happy, crawling around, finding things to amuse herself. She was kind of nuzzling her head into me, then suddenly she got up on her knees with purpose, thrust that left hand towards me, and unmistakeably squeezed her hand together to indicate that she wanted to nurse. Joe and I both saw it. She had her paci in her mouth, but still gave us this cheeky grin of satisfaction when we both praised her with clear excitement.

I uploaded some family photos that we tried to take last weekend. Our friends Jeff and Ruby were visiting from MO, so I thought it would be a good time to set up the tripod, let the camera fire away, and have our friends yell and holler at the kids to get them to look in the right direction (occasionally). We got a few good ones! Click here to check them out.

The trick to getting her in photos

2009-09-12T22:16:00.002-05:00

I've figured it out.

One pink, fluffy, swingy, totally girly skirt made of yards and yards of tulle.

Watching a few other pretty little girls be photographed in said skirt.

And there you have it, one 4 (and a half!) year old, actively participating in getting her photos taken! Wish I had figured this out sooner!

To see a few more photos of this pink skirted session, click here.

I have many other things to update on...and many other photos to upload...but I'm having this tiny little problem, which is...

TOO MUCH PHOTOGRAPHY WORK!!

A good problem, yes, but I can't seem to get on top of all the editing (notice the horribly outdated photos on the right side and top of this blog, for example), and my floors need scrubbing, and someone around here hasn't been cooking many dinners, and, well, I basically communicate with Joe while staring at a computer screen.

So I'll get there eventually. I have cute kid stories to tell, lots of photos from summer sessions to share (I'm thinking of starting a photography blog...never understood what those were for until recently, when I've had lots of photos from sessions I want to share, but don't know where to share them), and photos of the house-in-progress to post. Just stay tuned!

important stuff

2009-08-26T21:13:00.002-05:00

Tonight as I was tucking Rowan into bed, we were talking about the day. She's been doing lots of playing with neighbors and cousins...crossing over into that age when she often prefers to be with friends than with mom or dad. I've been thoughtful about that process, and aware of the things in her life I might not know about anymore, simply because I'm not with her every minute.

Me: Rowan, you know you can tell me anything, right? And you can ask me anything. Always, anytime.

Rowan: Like what do you mean, Mom?

Me: You can always talk to me about anything. Like if you want to tell me about something that happened with a friend, like if your feelings get hurt. Or, if you want to ask me about heaven, or growing up, that kind of thing.

(She's thoughtful here for a brief moment, then perks up with this:)

Rowan: Or, if I want to know how the sewer works?

I had no words, I just smiled and laughed out loud. Exactly, Rowan. Come talk to me if you want to know how the sewer works. Save that relationship and heaven stuff for later.

I love this kid.

We have a crawler on our hands

2009-08-18T21:58:00.002-05:00

It's official. Piper is crawling.

She's been working on it for a few weeks. That adorable thing where babies get up on all fours and rock back and forth, like the rocking just might propel them forward. She's managed to scoot around, sometimes by rolling or by going backwards, for awhile now...but in the last few days, crawling has clicked.

For proof, check out this short video on my mother-in-law's page: click here.

One might think that learning a new skill would please a developing baby. Not so for Piper. This developmental milestone has been accompanied by some serious personality changes....namely: whining, being bored, frustrated, more frequent crying, and loudly scolding us for reasons we aren't quite sure.

She still doesn't have any teeth, so it's easy to hope that it's just "teething." We'll see. I have a growing suspicion that the crawling deal has given her just a taste of freedom and control over her environment---and she wants more. NOW please. Where did my sweet, quick to smile, easy-going 6 month old who stayed in the place I set her down go?

Oh, that's right. She's crawled to the bathroom.

My Family is Famous, Sort of

2009-08-08T21:16:00.004-05:00

I've posted before about selling some photos through istockphoto...if you haven't seen my portfolio there before, you can click here to check it out. I've sold over 400 images through istock....but you never really know where they are being used. Some in print, brochures, that kind of thing. But also on websites.

Well, we've gotten a few calls from friends this week because a few of my images that were sold through istock are being used on many different photo sites as place holders in their greeting cards, announcements, that sort of thing. We had 2 different friends who were randomly looking at making announcements or other cards see a photo of Joe and Rowan!

One picture is of Joe and Rowan...the other is just of Rowan, kind of hiding her face behind a towel.

Click here and then click on "photo cards", then scroll down just a bit, to check it out. They are using both photos in several different spots all over the "card" section.

They are using the same template and photos at Walmart, Walgreens, and Meijer. Kinda cool!

In other photo news, I've been really busy with shoots this summer. Trying to keep up with all the editing, which is a good thing! I need to post some of my most recent work...I've been really pleased with some of my new stuff this summer. Fun fun!

Hula-Hooping Rowan

2009-08-03T13:10:00.002-05:00

For as good as I am about taking photos of my kids, I am equally bad at taking video of them. Good thing my mother-in-law is diligent about it, and apparently more technically-savvy than me, too, because she figured out how to put these little clips on Flickr!

To see Rowan and her amazing hula-hooping skills (notice the TWO hula hoops), click here.

To see a cute little video of Piper making noise, click here.

Maybe this is motivating me to catch more of their antics in live-action....we'll see!

Piper at 6 months

2009-07-26T19:50:00.008-05:00

So Piper is actually 7 months now....but I've been meaning to post this since she was 6 months, so that counts for something, right?

Ah, 6 months. 6 months is a huge sigh of relief. Half way to a year. But more importantly....6 months is a whole bunch of other fun things.

6 months is sitting up. Not wobbling, but steadily. Sitting up gives you a whole new view of the world, a whole new sense of control over your environment. Siting up is a Good Thing. 6 months is also rolling over with proficiency, starting to scootch, and just in general feeling more engaged with the world in a physical way.

6 months is eating lots of new foods. I've been making all of Piper's baby food (I may not have a fully functioning kitchen, but gol darn it, I have baby food cubes in the freezer to feed triplets through the winter, it's at least one thing I can have control over!) I've enjoyed cooking and pureeing all sorts of veggies and fruit. She's eaten the basics (sweet potatoes, peas, pears, green beans, squash, peaches, bananas, etc) but also the slightly more exotic: avocado, artichoke (yes, artichoke), mango, papaya, apricot, zucchini, chard (yes, chard), kale, tofu, and tomorrow she'll try her first egg yolk. And rice and oats, of course. She loves it all, as far as I can tell.

6 months is a slightly more predictable sleep pattern. Especially during the day. She takes a morning and an afternoon nap, each ranging in length from an hour to two hours. Depending on the quality/duration of those naps, she sometimes needs a little 30 minute power nap in the late afternoon to get her through until bedtime. No more napping in the car or stroller...and seldom even in the Moby. Give this girl a flat surface please, and her paci, and a blanket, and she's good to go.

Night-time sleep is still a bit up and down. She's sometimes going with only 1 brief wake time during the night (I can do that)....but some nights she is still waking 2 or 3 times. Not always to nurse, just to see what's going on. She's getting better at putting herself back to sleep after these wakings...so we're progressing in the right direction.

I've started to do a "dream feed" with Piper before I go to bed at night. Basically I just pick her up while she is sleeping, nurse her, and lay her back down. She never wakes up...and the hope is that it tanks her up enough to make it through the night without waking. It seems to help sometimes...and at least puts my mind at ease when she does wake between midnight and 5:00, I know she isn't hungry. But mostly, I just loving doing it. She is still such a fast nurser that the whole thing takes me about as much time as it does to brush my teeth. And it's just so sweet...a sleepy baby, still groping for the milk, her face all warm and snuggly and soft. It's the only time I hold her while she's sleeping anymore. And I kinda love it.

6 months is flirting. This girl can flirt! She smiles, coos, flaps her arms like she is about to take off, smiles at you and then buries her head in the nearest neck. We are all just madly in love with her!

Oh, and the stats: Piper is 19 lbs, 13 oz, and 27 inches long. She's a big girl!

To see some more photos of Piper at 6 months (and her sister and momma!) click here.

Huge May/June Update

2009-07-16T12:49:00.009-05:00

I have missed many events and updates over the last few months, so I'm just going to hit on some highlights...but this will still be a long post! And there are a bunch more photos posted to Flickr here.

The first of the photos is from a very sweet, spontaneous wedding here on Allerton. I don't know whose idea it was, but the neighborhood kids staged two very cute ceremonies, complete with bouquet tosses and celebratory dances. Not surprisingly, Rowan was a spectator. I did get a few hilarious photos that will be great for taking bribes if we still live here when some of these kids are teenagers. All my Allerton friends, let me know if you want any of these photos of your kiddos for the same purpose :) And excuse our backyard, the scene for one of the ceremonies...complete with it's gas can and dandelions. Let's just say that the outside of our house is low priority at the moment.

We've continued to love living on Allerton. We spend many afternoons and evenings hanging outside, talking to whoever is out, watching the kids play. We've been swimming at Phil's pool, getting ice cream from the ice cream truck, and swapping play dates. Rowan's at the age where a play date is usually a help for me--she's so occupied, I can get lots done.

Check out these handsome neighbor boys!

What else. On Memorial Day, my sister-in-law Stacia and I decided to take all 6 of our kids to the beach. First we stopped at the cemetery where my Grandma and Grandpa Hoeksema are buried, then we stopped at the cemetery where my Grandma Pekelder is buried. We had the kids put lilacs on the gravestones. I hadn't been to their graves in awhile and it was really good to share that with our kids. The beach was fun, too, albeit a little bit chilly. I didn't take any photos there...I haven't been able to figure out how to lug my big camera on excursions like this when I am responsible for 2 kids (one in arms) and all our stuff.

I'm so thankful to live by Tom and Stacia. I love conversations with Stacia...we have a good time together and I respect her deeply. And there is just something about cousins being together. So much fun to see them know each other and see each other with regularity.

Grandma Thomas (Joe's maternal grandmother) also came up to visit from Illinois for almost a week. It was really good to have her in town. We had several meals over at Joe's parents' house and Grandma got to see our house.

Rowan had her first sleep-over with her cousin Shae. They had a lot of fun....took a bath together, watched a movie and ate some candy...even fell asleep eventually! It's fun to watch their relationship grow.

Joe's cousin, Megan, was in the area for a week working on a Habitat for Humanity project. She just graduated from college out east and it was so much fun to see her! We got to have dinner with her whole crew...she came over to visit our house another night...and I met her downtown at Festival of the Arts with the girls. Joe has a lot of really cool cousins and I love that they feel like MY cousins, too!

Joe's best man in our wedding, Curtis, and his wife Amanda came to visit for a few days. They had their first son, Micaiah, just 6 weeks before their trip from Florida to Chicago...they are brave! They came up to GR to see us and so that Curtis and Joe could camp for a night out on lake Michigan. It was great to see them and get to spend time with the new baby.

Our time got cut a little bit short because Piper was diagnosed with pneumonia while they were here! And they decided to play it safe with a newborn and not expose him to Piper.

Piper had been running a fever for 2 days and was just out of sorts. She's never slept great, but she was sleeping particularly poorly. I really thought she had an ear infection or something minor, so I took her to the Doctor to get checked. I was so thankful for thorough care from my doctor, because I honestly thought my doctor was over-reacting the day we went in! Piper didn't have an ear infection, so they did a catheter to check for a UTI...wasn't that either. Then they had me go to the lab to draw blood....and finally over to Children's hospital for a chest x-ray! I'm an eternal optimist so I really wasn't stressed out through all of this, mostly just wondering why they were making me do all these needless tests on a poor baby! Joe, who was still camping with Curtis, has too much science knowledge...and knew that a high fever without clear reason could mean something really bad. Strangely enough, even though Piper was not coughing or wheezing and no one could hear it through a stethoscope, the chest x-ray came back with several spots on both of her lungs. Pneumonia. She had a course of antibiotics (was allergic to the first one, but we took care of that, too) and recovered quickly.

A really special day in June was the 9th, when Tom and Stacia went to court to officially adopt Shae and Tayva. We all got to attend and it was just a joyous occasion. The girls have been a part of our family since November, but it still felt great to have it all be legal and done and closed and final. It was cool to watch the proceedings in court and listen to the judge talk about how good it was to do adoptions...that usually his job can be quite depressing, and adoptions are so filled with joy. Another highlight was that the girls' foster mom (affectionately called "granny") voluntarily got up to talk in court--she expressed her support of the adoption and how much she has seen the girls grow and develop and how much she appreciated the Hoeksemas. To see photos of this adoption day, click here.

After that, we made a trip to Jonesboro for a visit and to photograph a wedding of a good friend of ours. It was great to be in Jonesboro again, but we agreed that we felt more nostalgic about Jonesboro in March...when it was 70 degrees there and still late winter here. Late June in Arkansas can be very hot...and the wedding we attended was outside, both the ceremony and reception. It was close to 100 degrees and humid as all get out. Plus, we were working our butts off taking pictures! I don't think I've ever had so many people ask me if I was okay or if I needed a drink of water. Hoeksemas get red in the face when we get hot...and we sweat on the face. A lot. I was looking pretty ragged! If you are interested in seeing some photos from this wedding, go to my website (www.cebulskiphotography.com) and to the right, click on "client proofs" and the password is: adairwedding

We made a detour on our way home to GR and stopped in Moberly, Misouri, to see our good friends Jeff and Ruby. Jeff and Ruby lived in Jonesboro when we did. Jeff competed in the decathlon with Joe (plus they worked on many other projects together) and Ruby and I were fast friends. They have a 3 year old daughter and also added a son in February, so we were all eager to see each other! Jeff built a beautiful house near their families in MO and we had a great time relaxing, catching up, swimming, and fishing. Check out a few photos of our time with the Sanders here.

To see photos of everything else in this blog post, here is the link again: click here.

little gestures

2009-07-15T19:37:00.002-05:00

Before we had a second child, it seemed like most people with two or more kids would always talk about how different their children were from each other. And truly, it is amazing how different two offspring can be....from the same genetic materials!

Lately, though, I've marveled at some little details that make me feel like I'm back in rowan's infancy.

exhibit #1: the thighs. oh, those thighs! i squeeze them with regularity....my hand doesn't even fit around their widest part anymore. Rowan had a very similar body to Piper. Their faces (and their hair) are as different as can be...but their 6 month old bodies, so much the same. I love the heft of a 6 month old on my hip. Lurching here and there, so strong really, but still so portable. Sitting up with some degree of confidence on those sturdy, meaty thighs.

exhibit #2: the full-body excitement about eating real food. Legs kicking, arms flailing, short breaths in-and-out, in-and-out....I remember this well. I just wish Rowan still got this excited about sweet potatoes, peas, and bananas.

exhibit #3: the "mamamamamama." Piper's favorite syllable. I looked back in Rowan's baby book and in her sixth month...I had written down that she was constantly repeating "mamamama." I secretly like to believe that it is directed towards me, but I know better. It's just an easy sound to make....but both my girls have made it with gusto, in their sixth month.

exhibit #4: the fake cough. Joe plays this little game with Piper where he fake coughs, she mimics him, and then he rewards it with some fabulously excited gesture or surprised face. Piper has started actually instigating this game (only with Joe)....it's the first time she has controlled her world in this specific way. And we remember Rowan doing the exact same thing....fake coughing, lots of laughs.

exhibit #5: lurching for her crib, arms extended, immediately when she is through nursing and ready for sleep. This is the most heart-breaking one of all: the desire and the ability to sleep alone. So you know all those baby books tell you to lay your baby down while still awake, so they learn to "self-sooth" and sleep through the night better. I was never good at that....mostly because I love snuggling a sleeping baby. As Piper has gotten older, she has become increasingly less willing to snuggle...and I can hardly remember the last time I held her while she was sleeping. The last few weeks I have tried, unsuccessfully, to hold her for awhile after she nurses. To smell her baby smell, look on her sleepy face, and just hold on to this for awhile. She protests the snuggling. And then, a few nights ago...she started doing exactly what Rowan did at this age: lurch for the crib right after nursing. Literally, a physical throwing of her body, all rigid and extended, in the direction of her crib, as if to say: I'm tired, I'm ready for bed. Please just put me there.

I know some kids don't do this...and always seem dependent on a parent to get to sleep. You gotta admire a girl who knows what she wants, but I'll tell you one thing. Should a third child ever bless our lives, I am not going to spend ONE SECOND feeling guilty about not laying my awake child down for sleep. I'm going to hold my sleeping baby whenever and wherever possible. Because now I know (reinforced by child #2): the time comes too soon when your baby is too big to hold, too old for snuggling, too independent to need you for sleep.

Pictures soon, I promise. I'm almost there.

a few photos

2009-07-06T17:38:00.003-05:00

We've been traveling and I've had too many photos to go through...I will get around to them eventually, but wanted to post just a handful of my girls from Lake Michigan last week. 6 month baby bottom and a cowboy hat on the beach...can't get much cuter than that.

pretty things

2009-06-12T19:19:00.004-05:00

Rowan was playing with her friend and our neighbor, Eden, yesterday. They were playing lots of pretend in Rowan's room. I love listening to conversations between kids when they don't know that an adult can hear.

A little back-story. Rowan is fussy about shoes...so we've had some drama again as the season has changed about what shoes she will wear for summer. Sandals have not felt right to her after a long winter in boots and regular shoes. A few weeks ago we tried on some of her sandals from last summer/fall that were her favorites---wore them every day. They are plain black sandals...similar to tevas....I got them in the boy section, but other than being black, there isn't anything particularly "boy" about them. I guess a lot has changed between the summer of being 3 and the summer of being 4, because Rowan told me that the sandals felt comfortable...but she didn't like how they looked.

So Eden apparently took these sandals out of Rowan's closet...and this is what I overhead Rowan saying to Eden, in a sort of defensive voice, as I passed by her room:

"Those are the sandals I wore when I was a kid and I didn't care about things being pretty. Now I'm a princess and I care about things being pretty!"

Oh my. It's certifiable: we have a girly girl on our hands.

I have so many personal photos to upload, edit, and share. It's a bit ridiculous. But I also have lots of photos I'm working on for other people (and have 3 more photo shoots this weekend!)....so that's a good thing! Eventually I will get caught up and get everything uploaded.

Also have some updates...including a surprising diagnosis of pneumonia for Piper last week (she's fine now, except for some pretty horrible night-time sleep habits!)..continued progress on the house....and lovely things in Michigan in the summer. I'll get to it all one of these days, promise.

Piper at almost 5 months and Other Stuff

2009-05-18T10:00:00.005-05:00

Piper had her 4 month check up last week (a few weeks late!) In addition to the dreaded shots (one in each leg, she handled it with a few good cries, then some grace), she smiled endlessly at the nurse and doctor, weighed 15 lbs 13 oz, and is 25 1/4 inches long. She seems really big to me...but the weight and height put her in the 75-90%, so nothing off the charts of anything!

4 months old is so much different than a newborn. She's so strong...really wants to be sitting up or standing up. Doesn't tolerate the reclined angle of a bouncy seat or car seat very well, primarily because she is working her abs the whole time to get more upright.

And she wants to be upright because she wants to engage. That's the fun part. She smiles so easily, talks and coos a lot, laughs out loud (mostly at Rowan). She tracks what's going on in the room, who's going where, and all of this is just easier to do when you're sitting up.

She reaches and grabs for toys and makes a fast panting noise when her favorites come into view.

When she is awake, she is generally happy. I've recently gotten brave enough to take both girls to the grocery store. Not for a long trip, but definitely not and in-an-out trip, either. Piper actually stayed in her car seat the whole time (a revelation!)...happily gazing at the lights and ceiling fans, the whirring groceries as we passed. This may seem like a normal occurrence for a baby at the store, but for me, after Rowan's baby-hood, this is a minor miracle. To go to the store with my hands free, with no crying. A miracle.

And the car trips, too, are much improved. She will cry if she is tired, but that seems to be the only time she cries in the car nowadays.

I've been putting Piper's hair in two ponytails. I had to do something, it's getting so long. My friend Jill (thank you very much for doing this without asking, for helping a hairstyle deficient momma out) put her hair in one ponytail on top of her head a few weeks ago...and I realized it was possible. And sort of cute. It just makes her look so old. If old is 7 or 8 months, at least :)

Sleep has been our only frustrating category. For about a month now she's been back on her schedule of waking every 3-4 hours. Usually happy, sometimes hungry. But way too frequently for an almost-16 pound 4 month old. She isn't waking up in discomfort, as far as we can tell....she's just waking. Maybe out of habit. Who knows. Last week we decided to let her cry for graduated periods of time. The first night, she cried an hour and a half, then later in the night for 45 minutes, then later for 30. We thought we were on the right track. The next night, she cried from 4:00 AM until after 6:30 AM...it was quiet about 20 minutes (did she even go to sleep, or was she just pondering child abandonment?) and cried out again at 7:00...at which point we decided she must really be hungry by now, it was, after all, morning.

Those are the worst times. I think hell might be perpetual waking between the hours of 2:00 AM and 4:30 AM. Time would never advance past those hours...just get to 4:30 and go right back to 2:00 AM, and you're still not sleeping. Or maybe you've just finally fallen asleep, only to be woken again.

Then you just start questioning everything: does this qualify as child abuse? is she really old enough to know that we will be here in the morning, that she is safe? could she be hungry? maybe she is sick. maybe her diaper is full. maybe her foot is caught in the railing. maybe a spider bit her.

But then, at 7:00 AM, after basically 3 hours of crying, she greets me with a huge smile, wants to coo on the changing table. Huh.

So we're still figuring the sleep out. Most people say to go in and check periodically to make sure there is no pressing need...then to let them cry for graduated amounts of time. Seems easy enough. But there are still a million things to question!

She has done this 2-3 hour period of crying more than a few more times...usually in the early early morning hours....and never succeeds in falling asleep. Needless to say, we're tired. From listening and waiting it out. So we're giving it a break for a few weeks to see if she makes any improvement in her sleep naturally. The last several days she's experimented with the very fun possibility of waking, for good, at about 5:00 AM. Good times.

I've uploaded a bunch of photos to Flickr from the past month or so. A few shots from Mother's Day (of the girls with their Nana, a few with me), some more pictures from the actual day Piper was 4 months old, some pictures of Piper's evolving hair-dos, a few pics from an apple orchard, some silly dress-up. You'll also find a random shot of some retro wallpaper we found while doing some demolition at the house, a picture of Rowan working on a mural we're doing in Piper's room, and several pictures from a nice Sunday hike we took when the leaves were just budding. To see this random assortment of photos, click here.

We're just pointing out the resemblance, that's all :)

Joe should really write a post about what he's been up to. In addition to trying to finish our kitchen, he has been really busy doing some side projects for other people, and coaching pole vault a few days a week at a local high school. He has some fun stories to tell!

My New Photography Website!

2009-05-08T22:00:00.000-05:00

It's time. I have a website for my photography! I've been working on it for awhile, and it's finally ready. Check it out at www.cebulskiphotography.com

Most of you know that I take a lot of pictures (just look at the blog and at my Flickr account!) I've loved photography for a lot of years now. Several years ago, while we lived in Jonesboro, I started to get a lot of requests from friends and friends-of-friends to take their photos. What started, quite organically and with little effort on my part, was a nice little side business/income from taking photos.

I've never done any official advertising or marketing...and have also always kind of flown by the seat of my pants when it comes to what I charge for what. It seems like I am always making up new ways to approach it...and it hasn't been very efficient.

So now we're back in West Michigan. We'll likely be here for awhile. And I've made a personal commitment to learning more and more about photography...to know my camera better, to know photoshop better, and just in general to keep improving. And part of that commitment is putting myself out there in a more intentional way. Hence the website.

This website is a big step for me. I've never liked the "business" side of taking pictures. I really don't like having to charge friends, for example...but the truth is, it's something that takes a lot of time (for every hour that I shoot, it takes 2-3 hours afterwards in editing). I also don't like charging what is clearly a higher price than you could get at a mall studio...but the truth is, I can take pictures better than most. I'm good at it. That last statement is particularly hard for me to claim. I don't know why, I just have this real hesitation and fear when it comes to confidence in this subjective creative skill. It's easier when it's "just for friends" or "no big deal." Joe has always encouraged me to be more confident in my attitude towards my photography...but my natural inclination is to lean on the side of under-valuing it. Partly out of a fear of failure, honestly.

So that's my little confession. All this to say: I'm proud of this website, of a bunch of my work gathered in one place. And I'm also a little scared: now that it's out there, I risk the chance of not getting any work!

Spend some time checking it out, and if you want to, let me know what you think. If you are a regular blog reader, you might recognize some photos. But there are new ones, too. If you are a friend and I have photographed you, you might just see your face!
www.cebulskiphotography.com

2009-05-01T08:00:00.006-05:00

there are so many moments as a mother that i wish someone, paparazzi-like, could snap a quick photo of a sweet interaction, a quickly-passing gesture between me and my girls.

there are times when i try to figure out how to take that photo myself, but i can never manage to hold my clunky camera at the right angle to include me in the picture.

this is the series of photographs from earlier today:

it is this morning, but it could have been any morning, in the early (too early) morning light. the window by our bed is open wide, and fresh, cool air blows carefully over us. a few birds are singing, but otherwise it is quiet.

at some point (i can't remember when, after too many footsteps to the nursery and back) i carry piper to bed with us, too weary to make another trip to her bedroom. i don't know how long she's been with us, but she rouses, and i instinctively, confidently, pull her to me.

we are belly to belly. i'm on my left side, she on her right, mirrors of each other. my left arm rests under and above my head. she doesn't need much help anymore...she's an expert at this nursing thing by now. her mouth makes that sweet O without much effort as she waits for the familiar breast to come near.

i never know what to do with my free arm when we nurse lying down. it always seems to be in the way. this morning, i realize that it finally fits just over her torso, no longer seeming to smother her tiny (not anymore) frame. i lay my right arm there, tugging her closer to me. we fit together perfectly.

just as effortlessly, her left arm springs up in response, she lays her hand on my forearm with purpose. by now my milk has come in, her eyes are heavy with satisfaction. we are intertwined, as close as can be.

her fingers don't stop moving, but her hand stays firmly planted on my arm. keep your arm here, mommy. hold me tight. i am warm, i am safe.

when i finally lift my eyes from this perfect child at my breast, i realize that rowan has also joined us in bed. she has a cold, and had a rough night of sleep. i don't remember when she joined us, either, but i am thankful for a king bed.

rowan is snuggled up really close to her daddy and they are both sleeping, looking surprisingly peaceful after a rough night for everyone. their skin looks smooth and flawless in this early morning light. they are both so warm-blooded, feeling comfortable in this coolness, even with significant amounts of skin exposed to the air. i am thankful for it this morning as i admire the contours of their bodies, not sure where one starts and the other ends.

piper is calm, slips off of my breast. she looks up at me with her big blue eyes. this morning light (ideal for photographs) catches their color and adds sparkle to the full-faced grin she offers, looking me directly in the eye.

we are both weary, surely, after such truncated sleep. and yet, we pass the next hour in bed...cooing quietly, smiling, snuggling, in love with each other....until i know she is ready for her first nap of the morning.

it could have been any morning, filled with actions mostly small, mundane.

of all these actions, i want a photo of her little hand on my arm.

so i won't forget.

Tidbits and Piper at 4 months

2009-04-27T14:08:00.002-05:00

Piper is growing up! Here is a shot of her from yesterday, a few days after turning 4 months old. Her hair has gotten a lot longer and a lot lighter...and some days I tame it with a hair clip, other days it decides to lay flat itself. She's a lot of fun when she is awake...quite content, smiley, chatty. Her eyes are usually wide, and like Rowan when she was a baby, it's hard to even catch her blinking. She giggles, she follows her sister's movement wherever she goes, she grabs for things. She's rolled over front to back and sort of back to front (with the assistance of a bit of an incline on the front lawn!)

We're back to a newborn schedule when it comes to sleep. What gives? She had a few weeks there of 8 and even some 10 hour stretches. The last 2 weeks...it's been up at 1:00, 3:00, 5:30, argghh. Last night I had to change her diaper because she was so wet at 3:30, and she thought that was a nice time to be awake for awhile...until after 5:00! Hopefully the sleep will even out, then this whole baby thing will be a breeze!

A few funny Rowan stories:
A few days ago Rowan was tearing up paper into little pieces and throwing them in the air. She says to me, joyfully, "look at my party-fetti, mom!" I could hardly bear to correct her.

Rowan has been really into rhyming things the last half year or so. She fully understands what rhyming entails, and really enjoys rhyming just about anything. She also gets that some rhymes are real words, and that sometimes it is fun to make up words that rhyme. So the other day I was getting the girls ready to go, and the car seats were in the truck...but I was taking the mini-van. I asked if Joe would stay with the girls so I could go and switch the car seats.

Rowan, in a sing-song, sort of sassy (coincidentally) voice, says "she's gonna switch, bitch." Now of course, being seasoned parents, we knew not to react. We knew that in her mind, it was a made-up word. Meant nothing. Wouldn't be repeated again.

Joe and I made eye-contact sidelong. Our eyes widened. Maybe our lips turned up ever so slightly. But we didn't say a thing. Ignored it. I was pretty sure she didn't even look at us after saying it.

Apparently, you can't get much passed a 4 year old. She repeated herself, "gonna switch, bitch"....and watched more closely for our response. I suppose there is a possibility that she has heard this word somewhere, and was testing it out....but I quite doubt it. I really think it was a random rhyme...and that she just very perceptibly picked up on the non-verbal information that told her it was a different kind of word. She repeated it a handful more times, we continued to ignore it with increasing success.

So much for seasoned parents.

I should have learned my lesson about a year ago when Rowan randomly put up her middle-finger. For some reason I decided (obviously hadn't thought about it much) to tell her that she shouldn't do that, that it meant something bad. I kept it vague, but she kept imploring.."but mommy, WHAT does it mean?" I never told her exactly, just told her several versions of it's not kind, it's not nice, it is very mean. Oh yeah, and don't do it.

She did it...to her grandparents, when they asked her what signs she remembered from when she was a baby. To her unsuspecting aunt. We finally had to threaten a time-out if she did it again, and that took care of it.

Speaking of rhyming, this is a story from a few months ago. She loves doing that naming song, "Rowan bowan, bo-bowan, banana.." and does it quite well with any name. She and my dad were talking about a card he had received with a bunch of different names for God on it...Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, etc. So he was explaining to Rowan that God has many names. Rowan's eyes lit up, and she contributed her names for God with gusto: "God, God, bo-bod, banana-fanana fo-fod, me my mo-mod, Gooo---oood!"

Here's a parting shot of my lovely ladies. I'll have some more pictures up for Flickr soon.

Allerton Avenue

2009-04-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

I haven't written much yet about the new street that we're living on, Allerton Ave. It's a short street...makes a T into both Hall and Adams, so there are a total of only a little more than 30 houses on our street. Many of the houses were built in the 1920s and 1930s...and they are all really different from each other. There are sidewalks, a slight hill, and lots of big, beautiful trees.

And kids. Lots of kids. I don't know the official count, but just in my head I can think of 18 kids(not including ours) under the age of 10.

The first time our realtor showed me the house (Joe wasn't here yet), he told me that Allerton had a reputation for being a cool street. That the neighbors hung out together, had barbecues, happy hour, that kind of thing. I thought he was just trying to sell me a house, but then a few weeks later when Joe came with me to check it out...we hung around and talked to a neighbor across the street to get her impressions of the neighborhood.

We thought for a minute that our realtor had paid this woman to gush about Allerton. He didn't. We bought the house...for lots of reasons; including the people who live around it.

I hesitate to even write some of this stuff, because I know it sounds too good to be true. And we are still in the "honeymoon" period of being excited about our house. Eventually we may find out some really dark, annoying things about our neighbors :) That being said, here are a few of the cool things about Allerton:

-the kids play out in front of the houses. Seems like when a few kids head outside, they all do. Rowan frequently checks the front window to see who's outside playing...and sometimes the kids even knock to see if she's home. Rowan hasn't felt confident enough yet to go play without Joe or me accompanying her...but eventually she will. When she does, she will have no end to her playmate options...including a 4 year old girl across the street and a 5 year old girl next door to that.

-the parents often hang out front, too. Partly to supervise the children, surely. But I suspect that a fair amount of it is the joy of adults in community, too.

-the neighbors get together for indoor play-dates when the weather is bad. They invited us to one before we moved in...moms, coffee, kids playing.

-Phil, the neighbor across the street and next door, has a pool. He doesn't have kids...but apparently opens his pool up to anyone on the street, at any time. We're looking forward to swimming there in a few months when the weather is warm enough!

-Curt and his wife live down the street 4 or 5 houses. They are in their 50s or 60s probably. Our first introduction to Curt was when he was dressed as a monster handing out candy on his front porch on Halloween. Joe officially met him one winter day after Curt had snow blown our driveway...and also the sidewalks up and down the whole street. We had a lot of snow this winter...and we never once shoveled our front sidewalk. Curt did.

-Curt also grows a vegetable garden on the side of his house...mostly for the benefit of the kids. He dries some of the beans every year, gives the seeds to the kids to start little plants at their houses...then the kids all plant them in his garden in the spring. Seriously.

-About 10 families on the street participate in a CSA (community supported agriculture) together. So they take turns driving out to the farm each week to pick up the bushels of veggies to bring back to the street. We, of course, are participating this summer!

-there is a neighborhood celebration for almost every holiday. We were invited to the Halloween one before we even lived here. Pizza, beer, trick-or-treating. On St. Patricks Day, right after we moved in, there was "happy hour" out front across the street...one neighbor provided beer, others brought green treats. Yesterday there was a big Easter Egg Hunt at a neighbor's house (and we spontaneously did the egg-dying party, but more on that later). On 4th of July another neighbor has a brunch after the HollyHock Parade (word has it that Allerton Ave is doing a float for that parade this year).

-people loan and borrow stuff. So the Cebulskis are a big benefit to the street. We do own a concrete mixer and drum floor sander, after all. A neighbor across the street has been re-doing his bathroom, and he has been over lots of time to borrow a tool, ask Joe something, etc. Joe loves it. As long as people return things in a timely manner :) Yesterday Joe had to jack up his truck to check out the brakes...and he used a neighbor's flat driveway to do it (ours is a bit of a hill). Another neighbor, who is a mechanic, provided lots of help along the way.

-there is a park about 2 blocks away...and a new Christian school is being built on the same property.

-there is a library about a block and a half away. We walked there Friday to see a puppeteer.

-Rowan's pre-school is less than a mile away. We walked the other day when it was nice.

-from what we can tell, most of the families are planning on being here long-term. One near-by neighbor even recently remodeled their kitchen, even though it makes the home exceed the value they could re-sell it for, simply because they don't want to move.

-FROG soccer. Not sure what FROG stands for (Friends of Gary, I think?). It's an informal gathering of neighbors (drawing from a larger area than just Allerton) that meet at a near-by park every Monday evening for 6 weeks after Spring Break. A very ambitious woman organizes it all...but it's basically a laid-back, low pressure way for kids to get acquainted with basic soccer skills. It's free, you don't have to sign up...just show up. They divide kids by age, do stations of simple soccer drills, have a scrimmage, then a snack. It's perfect for a kid like Rowan, who insists that she doesn't want to learn how to play any sports, to have a low-pressure way to be exposed. She spent most of the first session hanging back, observing, kicking the ball around with her dad a bit. Maybe by the end she'll join in! But the whole thing is just a great example of a community coming together, serving each other, having fun together, all on their own!

Okay, I'll stop gushing. We just feel so blessed to be on this street!

There are a few photos of the neighborhood, mixed in with other random photos, if you follow the link here to Flickr.

There are also some photos up of Easter and the egg-dying, which I'll blog about eventually, posted to a set here.

No Hugging

2009-04-10T20:33:00.003-05:00

Photo and Blog post are unrelated. The photo is just because I realized that I don't have many pictures of ME with Piper, since I am usually the photo-taker. And she's getting so big. So fast.

But the story is about Rowan. Well, two stories, actually.

My mom took Rowan and her cousins to a movie yesterday. When she picked Rowan up, my mom asked Rowan how she was doing and asked her what was going on in her life. Rowan replied "Oh, Grandma, I just have so much fun stuff in my life!" Isn't that cute?

And here is the other story. Rowan has always had this thing about me and Joe hugging. If she ever sees us hug, she comes right over and puts herself between us. Not joining in, mind you, but physically trying to push us apart. Is this normal? We figure that it's some sort of Oedipus thing where it's a bit of competition (for Joe's affections, for mine, too)...but it never fails. We hug, she's there at our feet, wedging herself in the middle.

Tonight when I was putting Rowan to bed, I sang her a song and told her that we had sung that song at our wedding. She got the ceremony confused with the reception, I guess, because then she wondered what dance daddy and I did at our wedding. I know she was thinking of Jenny and Mark's wedding, and their funky dance, and I'm sorry Rowan...but daddy and I will NEVER be that smooth on a dance floor! But I told her that we did have a big party, and a dance, and then asked if she wanted to see how daddy and I danced at our wedding. She giggled. Of course she did. So I got Joe, whispered to him that we had to at least TRY to be as cool as Jen and Mark, and we did a little personal dance party for Rowan while she laid in bed, muffling her smiles.

When we finished dancing, naturally, we hugged. We could feel her dilemma. She had clearly enjoyed our performance, liked seeing our affection and enjoyment of each other, right there in her own bedroom. But the hug was over the line. She got out of bed, came between us. Pushed us apart. We always try to keep hugging when she does this, and we all end up laughing while she puts forth great effort in her pushing...so at the very least, it's good for some comic relief.

We had always heard about this phenomenon where newborn babies can sense when their parents are about to/are having sex...that they can actually sense (smell?) the hormonal change in the air, and since it is in THEIR best interest to not have a sibling on the way too quickly, their reaction is to wake up and cry in hopes of thwarting the amorous behavior (we, along with many other couples we have told this theory, seem to have anecdotal evidence that supports such a theory). Anyways...maybe Rowan's attempts to break up our hugs are along those same lines. As if she is sub-consciously saying: No more babies. We are enough.

We'll see about that :)

Our second home

2009-04-08T09:30:00.004-05:00

Okay, this is going to be a long one.

After the funeral in Illinois, we continued driving south to spend a few days visiting friends in Jonesboro. We lived in Jonesboro from the fall of 1999 to the fall of 2007...eight full years. We never realized how much of a home Jonesboro was to us...until we went back after being gone for a year and a half.

It definitely took a few years for us to find our groove in Jonesboro...but once we did, we really built an amazing community of friends there. Friends that really functioned more like family to us. We had a built-in community of athletes, including coach Earl Bell and his parents, who everyone calls Grandma and Grandpa Bell (grandpa Bell holds the world record for his age group (88) in the pole vault). Several of those athletes are still our dearest friends. But many of those athletes have moved away, retired like Joe has, gone on to other things.

In addition to pole vaulters, we were also fortunate to have a whole other community of friends in Jonesboro...friendships created through work, random connections, and a cool little house-church called New Thing.

So Saturday night we rolled in and went straight to the Wilkies. Jason and Julie were some of our first friends in Jonesboro. We knew them before kids...now they have Duncan, 6, Quinton, 4, and Lillian, 2. Julie was my OB-GYN during my pregnancy with Rowan and delivered her (and sustained me) after a hard, long labor. We ate dinner with the Wilkies, talked and played, then put all the kids to bed and talked and talked some more. We spent the night at their house, Jason made us waffles in the morning, and we just hung around until lunch-time. These are the kind of friends that it's easy to slip back into a comfortable routine with...going deep right away. They know us intimately...and love us anyways!

Then we headed across town to our friends Amy and Lon's new house. They used to live in a house across from us on Nettleton...but recently moved. Lon and Joe coached together at ASU. Elijah is their 2 year old son...we were especially excited to see him because the last time we saw him, he wasn't quite a year old..and he has changed SO much! Eli was born with a cleft palette (which has been fixed) and many digestive issues which are probably all related to each other. He has had a tube going directly into his intestines (by-passing the stomach) since he was a baby...and it's always been uncertain whether he'd tolerate any solid foods through his mouth. During the last few months he has begun to eat solids (and not throw up!) and we just celebrated with Amy as we got to watch Eli eat! Amy is an unbelievably patient, loving mother to Eli. I marvel at her. Amy and I (and the kids) also got to go to the nature center together the next day...and play at the park a bit. The weather was beautiful the whole time we were in Jonesboro--what a treat to have 60 degree + days and sun!

Sunday afternoon I got to meet up with an old friend, Saraya, for an hour at the mall. Saraya was one of my after-school kids back in '99 when we first got to AR...so I have known her since she was probably 8 or 9. She's just finishing up her first year at ASU and is a great girl.

Sunday evening we had dinner with James (and Dana joined us a bit late!) and their daughter, Saraya, who is 5 (and yes, I think I'm the only person who knows TWO Sarayas!). Saraya was born in February almost exactly a year before Rowan...and those two have been friends since Rowan's birth. Mostly on account of Saraya's sweet, kind, super-compassionate spirit, honestly. The girl is just too good to be true! And Rowan adores her. It was so much fun to see them re-connect, laugh, chase each other, and just disappear into their own little world together.

James and Dana were literally our first friends other than pole vaulters in Jonesboro. And after only a few months of knowing each other, they invited us to come live with them for awhile (long story--we needed an interim place to stay in a hurry, they offered, we said sure!)....which turned into 6 months...which turned into a really fast, meaningful way to forge a friendship! Before we had kids, we would get together every Thursday night, take turns cooking dinner, watch Survivor, and then play a very competitive game of Settlers of Catan.

Phew. And this was only Day 2! Sunday night we slept over at the Matthews...and remained there as our home base for the rest of the trip. We met Dave and Rebecca through the Wilkies. Dave eventually became our pediatrician, and I eventually worked for Rebecca at PACES, then she became my lactation consultant after Rowan was born...and through all and in all of this, they have been dear friends to us. We have also gotten to know their grown children: Micah, Ben, and Meghan...and we'll be photographing Meghan's wedding this June. The Matthews have loved us like family, looked out for us, cared for us, fed us, called us, asked us good questions, thought often of our needs, laughed with us, and always answer the phone when we call for advice or an opinion. The Matthews actually used to live in Stockton...so we had the bonus of visiting with them when we were out in CA a few times! It was nice to be based at the Matthews...while we were running around most days, we knew that a calm, good conversation would await us at their home after the girls were asleep. My only regret was not taking hardly any pictures of our time at the Matthews...it felt too much like home, I guess, and I just relaxed from photo-taking duties! Oh well, I'll have more photos of their family than I will know what to do with after June 20!

On Monday I visited at my old work, PACES, for awhile. It was so good to see Qubilah, Danae, and some new employees. We went to the nature center with Amy and Eli while Joe hunted for oil (got 3/4 of the tank full...it got us all the way back to MI!) Then we showed up out at Bell Athletics to see Earl and whoever else was around.

Monday afternoon/dinner/evening we spent with the Reeves family. Dan and Veronica were also some early Jonesboro friends. Dan led that cool little house church called New Thing. They have three daughters who are each unbelievably beautiful and unique from each other. Camryn is 11, Carson is 8, and Callie is 3. Rowan, of course, had a fabulous time getting reacquainted with them and exploring their fun girly toys! And we could talk to Dan and Veronica for days on end, literally. We would not run out of things to talk about. They are real, faithful, warm, spiritually deep.

Tuesday we explored town a bit, stopped by some places we loved, stopped in on a few old friends. Dana and I visited for awhile and took the girls out for ice cream. My friend Beth came over and we took a long walk on a sunny, 68 degree day. I hired Beth to work for me at an after-school program I was running when she was a senior in high school and have loved her ever since. Now she is a k/1 teacher and is a gentle, loyal spirit.

Tuesday night the Matthews fed us. They are adventurous cooks and we enjoyed a yummy paella. Then we headed over to our old house to retrieve a few things we had left in the garage attic. Eric and Kristie are the couple that bought our house...and we didn't know them when they bought it, but they are also friends with the Reeves. They were gracious enough to help Joe load his things....and let me and the girls visit inside for awhile. It was a lot of fun to see the old house! How many memories we have there...our first home...Joe did so many projects there...we brought Rowan home there...we really really loved that house. Eric and Kristie have great taste and the changes they made I totally approve of. Mostly they just re-painted some things that definitely needed it! I'm really glad we got to go through the house.

So we were planning on leaving on Wednesday...but decided that we hadn't seen everyone we wanted to see, and stayed another day! Wednesday we surprised Grandma and Grandpa Bell...salt of the earth people who play a big role in holding together the community of pole vaulters that come to be coached by their son, Earl. Then we went back out to the building because our friend Daniel was back in town and we wanted to see him. So we played and watched vaulting for awhile. That felt familiar!

Joe went to practice at ASU and got to see a lot of athletes that he coached. Then we went over to our friends Jay and Jenny Little's house for burgers...and they were nice enough to let anyone else stop over to see us again...so we saw the Wilkies, Hewitts, Reeves, and Beth all again. Watched our crew of kids play. Got caught up on each others' lives. Good conversations all around.

We ended Wednesday night with what was supposed to be a quick stop at Chris and Polly Harrell's house. We got to know Chris and Polly during our last few years in Jonesboro. They have 2 boys...Jake and Isaac...who were very sweet to Rowan! We had a great time talking to Chris and Polly...stayed later than we had intended...and had a lingering good-bye in the driveway as we each continued to think of things to talk about!

We left Jonesboro on Thursday morning with heavy hearts. When we lived in Jonesboro, we always thought of Michigan as "home" and would look forward to our visits there.
Now we are living in Michigan, and while Michigan will always be home to us...we realized that now we will look forward to our visits to Jonesboro in much the same way. We have a second home. So much for visiting exotic locales when we have vacation time (one of my arguments for us to move to MI :))....it will be hard not to seriously consider a trip to Jonesboro on a regular basis!

We are abundantly blessed by the relationships in our lives...across the country!

By the way--the girls did GREAT on the trip. Piper was amazing in the car....she slept a lot and didn't do too much crying. Rowan is a trooper and found things to keep herself busy in the car...and LOVED all the visiting we did in Jonesboro. I told Joe that having Rowan at 4 and Piper at 3 months on a long trip was infinitely easier than Rowan by herself at 3 months!

To see a bunch more photos of our time and friends in Jonesboro, click here.

Celebrating Grandpa Thomas

2009-04-06T14:02:00.002-05:00

Joe's maternal grandfather, Millard Thomas, passed away two weeks ago today at the age of 96.

Grandma and Grandpa Thomas would have been married 75 years this summer. SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS, can you believe it?

Grandpa has had a series of falls and set-backs in his health over the last few years...and this last year has been particularly hard as he's been living in a nursing home. Grandma faithfully visited him for the better part of every day...but it was a difficult experience for both of them.

We were fortunate to get to travel with all four of us down to Farmer City, Illinois (yes, that's right...Farmer City!), where Joe's mom grew up and where much of her family still lives, to be with family and attend the funeral.

While we are sad about grandpa's death because we will miss him...in many ways this was merciful, and it seemed like the whole family was able to celebrate grandpa's life with joy and thanksgiving.

It was a good couple of days. The funeral was beautiful. Joe read a list of memories that the grandchildren had compiled, plus said a few words about sorrow and joy. Joe's mom read a beautiful piece that she had written about grandpa's hands over the years (he had the biggest, most wrinkled hands, worn from farming and 96 years of life!) We also got to reconnect with many cousins, aunts and uncles, and other friends and family...lots of hugs, talks, and memories of grandpa.

Joe and I will be married 10 years this summer...and we dated for 4 before that...so Grandma and Grandpa Thomas have been like grandparents to me, too, for over a decade. I have thought often these weeks about how big and wide families can be...how they can just open right up and make room for another, how a parent or grandparent can make you feel like their own, even when you're already an adult. Grandpa Thomas loved me, I know it surely, and I loved him right back. We already miss you, Grandpa!

A few more photos from our days in Farmer City are posted here.

House Photos!

2009-03-19T21:00:00.004-05:00

These photos have been a long time coming!

We moved into the house last weekend and spent the first night here Sunday. After over a year of living transiently, and 6 months before that of living in an RV...it feels GREAT to have space that is all our own again!

The upstairs of the house is done...so that is where we are living. The downstairs is still a work-in-progress. The kitchen is the next project. In the meantime, we have a little fridge and microwave up in our master closet, plus a full-size fridge and oven/stove in the unfinished part of the house. So preparing meals will be an adventure! Some of my sweet friends have brought us meals this week--leftovers that we could just heat up in the microwave, or already-made meals to easily throw in the oven. I have a feeling that there won't be much gourmet cooking around here for awhile!

We're still getting unpacked and organized. Moving is like giving birth...a part of your brain always forgets how much work it is, otherwise you'd never do it again. Seriously! We have been exhausted this week, and we only moved half of a house!

I'm not posting photos of the our master bedroom or closet...not because they are private, but because they are functioning as multi-use spaces right now, and don't make a lot of sense in a photograph. Our closet is also a mini-kitchen, and our bedroom is a living room/dining room...and both look a bit crazy, neither will stay that way forever. The bedroom and closet have the same amazing floors that you see in Rowan and Piper's rooms...and the same beautiful windows, trim, and doors, too.

Rowan's room. My girly girl, of course, wanted pink. I never in a million years thought that I would have a pink room in my house. Never. True love, that's what I say. And we compromised. I'm partial to orange, and I think pink and orange look pretty cute together. So that's where Rowan and I started...and we've been having fun collecting things for her room since the fall. All of her furniture is second-hand. My sister found the headboard for her bed for $5 at a garage sale, we sanded and painted it. The mattress itself is the one Joe slept on as a kid. The dressers I found at an estate sale for $15 a piece. Also sanded, painted, and added new hardware to those. The funky chair is from Craigslist. The big Ikea bookcase is also from Craigslist. I will have to write a whole separate post about the absurd way we (by we I mean JOE) got the bookcase upstairs. But that will have to wait.

Notice the beautiful floors. Joe refinished the floors in the entire upstairs...and I'm having trouble putting rugs over any of it. They are deep, rich, warm, perfect. He spent a week working on them...a lot of it on his hands and knees. I'm catching him every day, now, on his hands and knees, inspecting this or that on the floor, making sure the furniture isn't scratching them too much.

Notice the window and trim, too. Joe put all new windows in the whole house. Not only do they look clean and sharp...they are very energy efficient, too. We also insulated the whole house, so we're eager to see what our gas bills look like. Joe's dad did most of the trim. We love it. Thick, simple, clean, craftsman lines. Just like I am having trouble putting rugs on the floors, I'm having trouble putting any kind of window treatment on the windows. I just want to show them off!

There are more pics of Rowan's room...you can see them by following the link to Flick at the end of this post.

Piper's room. It's a lovely shade of green. The crib is the one Rowan slept in...lovingly made by hand, out of ONE piece of oak, by her Papa (Joe's dad). We adore this crib. The changing table, too, was Rowan's. A dresser we found at Salvation Army in Memphis...painted, added hardware, then Joe built a beautiful oak top for it and put feet on it to make it higher for us tall folks. I found the funky old green rocker at an estate sale this fall, and another oak dresser at an antique fair. I'm still planning on painting a few things on her walls...so I'll post more pictures of her room later. Also more photos on Flickr.

The bathroom. I have to brag on Joe here. I really don't deserve a bathroom this nice. I feel like I am showering at an upscale hotel. I feel like I am at a spa. And every single detail is due to Joe. Which sometimes drove me crazy. I wanted to pick out tile at the first place we looked. He insisted on checking every tile place in town. I wanted to pick out fixtures at Lowes. He researched and bought really cool fixtures, for great deals, online. I tend to be rash at making decisions. Let's just say he is deliberate. But holy moly, check out what he did!
Bathroom Before:

Bathroom After:

The bathroom was literally a shell when we bought the house...so we had to design it...every single part of it. It turned out better than we ever imagined. A few details: the flooring is Ipe, a Brazilian hardwood that stands up really well to water, and is really expensive. Joe found some on Craigslist...a guy had some left-over from a project (not flooring) and had about 60 square feet left, just what we needed. And sold it to us for $60! Joe had to re-mill it to make it work as flooring. The shelf is made of oak from an old barn that Joe collected a bunch of wood from when we lived in Arkansas. The vanity was made from walnut flooring that we got cheap from a surplus store. Joe put the wood flooring together and then re-imagined it as furniture! The wood is dark and varied and gorgeous. The counter-top and tub surround is all concrete. Joe built forms and poured it off-site, then installed it all around the tub and over the vanity. Joe did every part of this bathroom (with help on plumbing from his dad)...from the lighting to the tile work to the floors to the vanity to the complicated plumbing. It's amazing. You can see a lot of other details in the photos at Flickr.

Check them out here.

"Formal" Photos

2009-03-10T22:00:00.000-05:00

Since Rowan turned 4 a few weeks ago and Piper is now 2 months old and growing rapidly, I have had it on my mind to take some photos of them with the backdrop.

Parents often report that when their children are in the care of someone else, their children are more well-behaved than when the parent is taking care of them. I'm sure this phenomenon has a name...but whatever it is, this more-well-behaved-for-others-thing applies to photographers taking pictures of their own children, too.

I'm fine picking up the camera and taking "candid" shots of the girls...but when it's time to take nicer, "formal" ones, I sort of dread it. Maybe it's because I'm less patient than I would be with a paying customer...or maybe it's because they already know the tricks I have up my sleeve to get attention or a smile...but whatever it is, I seldom have as good of luck with my own kids as I do with other people's kids. What's that about?

My mother-in-law was nice enough to help me take some photos...by getting the kids' attention and taking care of whoever wasn't in the frame. Even with the help, I seemed to get quickly frustrated. I expected too much.

Initially, my newborn was more cooperative than my 4-year-old. Piper gave sweet smiles, talked to her Nana throughout...but her hair is just so wild I couldn't figure out what to do with it, and she mostly just looked like a little old lady. I just couldn't figure out how to make her look cute...and not like I had just electrocuted her. Her smiles are sweet as all get out in person, but in two-dimensions her mouth just looks agape, like she might need some psychiatric help. Is it possible for a 2 month old to be going through an awkward phase? No magazines are calling to put this one on their cover! Oh well, here she is in all her wild glory.

And Rowan is at that great age of fake smiles. Painfully fake. And I was impatient with her. When I finally took a deep breath, I asked myself if I would ever treat someone else's child with such frustration. Of course I wouldn't. I would be undyingly patient...trying thing after thing after thing to get them comfortable and to get some genuine smiles.

So I bribed her with ice cream. Changed her outfit. Let her take some pictures of me. Told new knock-knock jokes. And finally got a few real photos.

I've only edited these few shots so far. Eventually I will put a bunch more up on Flickr...and I promise to include some of the really horrible ones. There were many.

When we were driving in the car after taking pictures, I apologized to Rowan for getting frustrated with her. Apparently I am too hard on myself--she didn't seem to think I got too frustrated, and was confused by my apology.

Piper got her 2 month shots (not photos--needle shots) today. I hate that. She cried pretty hard. She weighed 12 pounds, 9 ounces and has grown 3 inches: she's now 23 1/2 inches long. She looks healthy! And some of the clothes that were gifts at her birth, which we looked at and thought "she'll never be that big!"...yeah, she's already grown out of them.

Sigh.

Turning a Corner

2009-03-09T15:00:00.000-05:00

I have waited a few weeks to post this good news because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke. The jury is still out on whether we found a permanent solution, but I think we have turned a corner.

First of all, thank you to all the friends and folks who have made good suggestions for how to solve our sleep/fussy issue with Piper. Lots of good ideas.

The idea that made the most sense to us to try first came from our good friend and former pediatrician in Jonesboro, Dr. Dave Matthews. He told us about this product out of Sweden called Biogaia. It's a probiotic in drop form that babies can take. The logic behind this is that we all have good and bad bacteria in our gut, which in part aids in digestion. Sometimes the balance of good vs. bad bacteria can get out of whack and cause digestive distress. One way that the bacteria gets out of balance is from taking antibiotics...which wipe out bad bacteria, but take the good bacteria with it. I was on an IV drip of antibiotics during labor for Group B Strep...so Piper would have received some of that when she was born.

In addition to Piper's tummy pain, she also had horrible smelling gas. Much worse than a breast-fed baby should have. Also a sign of imbalance in the gut. So Dave felt like if we gave her some good bacteria, it may help her feel better. You can buy BioGaia over-the-counter, it's all natural, no side-effects. At $30 a bottle, it was worth a shot. Dave told me to make sure to give her 5 drops a day for at least two weeks...that it might take that long to see the effects.

I received the BioGaia in the mail on a Saturday a few weeks ago...gave it to Piper that day. That night, she slept from 10:00 PM until 6:15 AM with no grunting. What! The next 3 nights were similar...sleeping from 11-5 or 10-5:30...at least 5 hour stretches each night. And the biggest change--no grunting. Craziness!

The only complicating factor is that the same day I received the BioGaia, my sweet Aunt in Portland sent me a bottle of Gripe Water...which are homeopathic drops that also aid digestion and supposedly reduce colic. So I had given her a few of these drops that day as well. Who knows, maybe it was the combination of both?

After 4 or 5 nights of amazing sleep, little Piper got a cold and has spent the last two weeks doing quite a bit of night waking because her nose has been so stuffed up she's had trouble breathing. But it has been clear that the frequent night-waking this time is because of her stuffy nose, not her tummy. And she's still been doing a 5 hour stretch at the beginning of the night...it just seems like in the middle of the night her nose gets worse and the second half of the night is a bit restless. So we'll see once this cold clears--but either way, we are much improved over here!

I was hoping for an answer to her tummy trouble and fussiness, I was NEVER expecting her to suddenly start sleeping in such long stretches. Rowan didn't sleep this long or well until way after 6 months old, so I've been mentally prepared to do that again. Feels like relief...and grace...and we are thankful.

This photo is of a trick that Joe loves to do with our newborns--don't have a heart attack, he has huge hands and has those baby feet firmly planted within. It looks pretty funny to see such a little baby upright like this--and she LOVES to do it! It's one of Joe's sure-fire ways to calm a fussy baby. We figure it takes so much brain power to keep herself balanced, it makes her quit crying.

To see some more random photos from the last weeks, including a few shots of Rowan's 4th birthday party, click here.

We are planning on moving into our house this weekend, if all goes on schedule this week. So stayed tuned for some "after" photos of the upstairs....we are so close!

Random Photo

2009-03-05T13:17:00.002-06:00

Sorting through some photos today...trying to clean up the hard-drive and find some more photos to submit to Istock. Came across this photo that my cousin KC took at Jenny's wedding rehearsal this summer. KC grabbed my camera for awhile at the rehearsal...she has a great eye! For some reason I never edited this batch of photos...but this one makes me motivated...and nostalgic for summer! I love seeing photos that other people take of my kids...of course, Rowan never wants to give me such a sweet look.

Thanks KC, I love this photo...

The tree

2009-03-02T10:16:00.007-06:00

Back when Joe and I were dating, we had a special place in the woods where we would go to hike, talk, explore. The woods is on a piece of property that his family used to own just outside of town a bit. We spent a lot of time there while we were dating. At one point early on in our relationship, probably before we were officially "dating", we carved our initials in a tree, with the year (with no heart or + included, mind you...just JC LH 95) and that's usually where we would return on our visits.

One summer we decided to bury a box by the tree...and included items and memories from that year, plus a letter that we each penned to each other, sealed, with the intention of returning the next summer to open the box and read the letters from the year previous. Pretty romantic, huh? And hopeful, too...as we never knew for sure if we'd still be together the next summer...but both had a good feeling about it! We did this for each summer that we dated (and still have all the contents we chose stored away carefully...photos, ticket stubs, notes, rocks, etc).

After 3 years of dating, a semester that we broke up, lots of agonizing together about what our future might look like...we returned to our tree in August of 1998 to dig up our box from the summer before. This time, there were many other trees with carvings in them all along the path to "our" tree...carvings that were on 2 trees but went together, sweet messages with code names we used for each other over e-mail. This should have made me suspicious, but in those days a romantic gesture like this was not out-of-the-ordinary! It was a hot day, we were sweaty and itchy from the hike...and finally settled in around our digging work to enjoy the items in the box. When we got to the letters...he read mine first. Then I read his, and at the end of the letter was this strange instruction, which said something like "continue digging" (I'd tell you precisely what it said, but all of our stuff is in storage still...don't know where the letter is exactly!)

So I kept digging...and came to another box...and in it was a ring...and Joe asked me if I would marry him...and the rest is history. We got root beer floats afterward to celebrate, not knowing what else to do as the newly-engaged...and looked at each other with strange wonder at what was ahead.

(In case you are wondering...Joe had not planned this engagement a year ahead of time! He returned to the site and added the note and buried the ring right before the proposal...actually, I seem to remember that his dad had to bury the ring because it was only ready at the last minute before the proposal...and that it involved specific instructions to his dad about how to find the tree "go west after the second oak tree, then take 40 paces north...")

So this tree and these woods are special to us. We had not been there in many years...probably 6 or 7...but decided to take the girls a few weeks ago.

Truth be known, we went to take a hike on the first Sunday that it was warmer than 30 degrees around here...the snow was still super deep (2 or 3 feet), but it was sunny and beautiful. Some new houses had been built on the property, so it took us awhile to find our normal markers and get oriented on the land. But we eventually found the tree. Our initials were much harder to see than a decade ago...but they are there if you look closely.

Rowan wouldn't join us for a picture, but Piper is nestled warmly in the Moby under my coat. You can see her little head sticking out in a bear hat.

We stayed there for awhile...Joe and Rowan built a snow fort, threw snowballs. We identified lots of animal tracks.

Felt surreal to bring our children to this spot. We'll be married 10 years this summer...and while I really don't feel that old, having a place like this to return to and experiencing the flood of memories makes me feel grounded, with history, with a story, with a journey that isn't just beginning any more...but one which has a significant portion of it already written.

There are just a handful more photos at Flickr here.

Bad Hair Day

2009-02-28T09:30:00.001-06:00

After a recent nap. What do I do with this child's hair?

To Rowan at Four Years Old

2009-02-26T14:16:00.005-06:00

Dear Rowan, (02-21-2009)

Happy Birthday!

Today you turn 4. I know every parent says this as their child ages a year—but it is hard to believe. I can’t believe I have a 4 year old. I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the days and hours 4 years ago while we awaited your birth.

I loved being pregnant with you. It was my first time to experience all the kicks and tumbles and changes in my body from a growing life, and I reveled in it. You have told me repeatedly that you do not want to get married or have a baby…and I have reassured you that it is your choice, that no one will make you (and quite frankly, I’d rather not have you TOO eager for pregnancy..at least not anytime soon!) You said you are scared about “giving birth” because it sounds like it would hurt—even though I have gone to great lengths to make it sound like a wonderful, positive experience. I hope that someday you change your mind…and that you get to experience the mystery of pregnancy. It would be a privilege for me to witness.

You arrived a few days after your due date…and each day for over a week I took a long walk around Craighead Forest Lake in Jonesboro, hoping to help induce labor. I remember those walks in detail…I think I suspected how my life was going to change, knew the luxury of a solo 3 mile walk would soon be just that…a luxury. But mostly I remember dreaming about you. What you would look like, who you would be. Who I would be.

My labor with you was arduous. My water broke at midnight, contractions started in earnest right away, I breathed through them at home through the night…only to find out the discouraging news at the hospital 7 hours later that I was only dilated to 1. We found out much later that you were turned the wrong way…hence the prolonged labor. When it was finally time to push, you still hadn’t turned…and you got stuck behind my pubic bone. I labored and pushed for a long time…I was very focused, never lost control or concentration….but narrowly missed a c-section…also narrowly missed giving my good friend and OB-GYN a heart attack…and finally pushed you out after 3 hours. You were still sunny-side up. This resulted in a long recovery for me…and a very unusually shaped head for you. 3 hours in the birth canal facing the wrong way…you looked like a baby manatee. The day after you were born, my friend Dana showed me a picture of you in profile from immediately after you entered the world, and I emptied my bladder on the hospital floor from laughing. I’m pleased to report that your head is now quite lovely.

You are beautiful.

Our first year with you was rough. I underestimated how much a baby changes your life. I struggled not so much with your daily care—I loved (most) of that. I struggled with a lack of independence. Your dad and I struggled to define new roles and to relate to each other as parents. I didn’t like having to think so far ahead about every little detail or plan.

4 years later, I think we’ve caught our groove :) Having added Piper to our family this year, I feel much more relaxed and able to keep things in perspective….because of you. Because I know why we endure infancy. Because I know that you turned into this totally fun, cool person to be around.

(rowan at 2 months)

You have been strong-willed from the get-go. I maintain that I’d rather have a daughter who knows what she wants than one who is too easily influenced. When you get an idea…it’s hard to persuade you out of it. You have very specific ideas about what you want to wear, what you want to play with, what you want to eat. Sometimes you are a real pain in the butt!

You gave up naps on your 2^nd birthday and have never looked back. You do not stop all day…and are surprisingly pleasant to be around even as the day drags on and you should be getting weary. You are constantly moving, often talking, usually asking questions, and just tenacious as all get out.

You have a good sense of humor, laugh at daddy’s silly jokes, and have even started making up your own jokes. You remember things after being told once, and will often surprise us by using a new word or concept in the correct context almost immediately. Your memory impresses us…you will frequently reminisce about some small detail of our life in Jonesboro or in the RV.

You ask the best questions. Yesterday you asked me “how does the brain think?” And of course, you want to know “why” for everything. And you don’t miss much when adults are having a conversation around you. We are learning to be careful about what we say in your presence…not so much out of protection of you, but out of avoidance of a really long explanation and a million questions!

I love to hear what you are thinking. You put ideas together and make connections between stories and concepts. Conversations with you are fun. You’re a good thinker. It bodes well for what school will be like for you.

You won’t wear jeans, you really don’t like having anything in your hair (what should I do about your hair? You are a bit of a wild child in the hair department), you have very specific requirements for shoes, you hate clothing that requires any level of layering, and just in general are very fussy about clothing and what goes on your body. We actually bought seamless socks for you this year because socks had become such a problem.

You notice the smallest changes in your environment. Smells are intense for you. Change isn’t easy. You cling to routines with tenacity: we have sung the same 3 songs (Angels We Have Heard on High, Jingle Bells, and the made-up Rowan Joy song) at bedtime (in the same order) for nearly two years…and recently added the same book (used to do a different one each night) to the nightly routine (I’m a Big Sister!) You will not budge if I suggest a different song or book.

You had been dreaming and talking about having a princess birthday party since you turned 3…and I eventually compromised with you and planned a “Princess and the Pea” party for your 4^th birthday. Yesterday, all your friends arrived…dressed as princesses, princes, and a few peas. That morning, you tried on each of your dress-up princess dresses….and none of them felt right. One was too itchy, the other had sleeves that were ¾ length and you didn’t like the way it felt, the other had off-the-shoulder sleeves that wouldn’t stay in place. So you were the birthday girl at her princess party, dressed in normal clothes.

The irony of the message of “Princess and the Pea” was not lost on me! (only a princess is sensitive enough to feel a pea under 20 mattresses!)

You are a sensitive person, indeed…and I’m learning to understand you, because I am not so sensitive to my environment. You’ve helped me to understand your dad better, actually….before you came along, I never fully acknowledged the real sensitivities he has…and in turn, he constantly helps me to be more tolerant of your sensitivities. When I think back to your infancy, I wonder if some of your general discomfort had to do with your sensitive spirit. Did your clothes feel funny, was your diaper too tight, was your immature digestive system just too much to handle?

I’m enjoying seeing the positive aspects of raising a highly sensitive daughter. You are aware of your world and the people around you in a way many others are not. You make keen observations, feel things fully, and help me to stop and notice.

You love puzzles, love to read, love letters and words, love art, love moving your body (you recently mastered the hula hoop and jump rope), love baking with your Nana. You play really well by yourself…you make up games, songs, and use your imagination.

(rowan at 4 months)

You didn’t want to turn 4. Most kids I know are eager to hit their next birthday…you were apprehensive. This morning you told daddy that you were still 3…because you didn’t “feel” different. You were expecting to feel fundamentally different when you advanced an age…and were a bit distraught to wake up and feel the same. A few days before your birthday, you broke down in tears at bedtime about growing up. “I don’t want to grow up!” you exclaimed, huge tears pooling in your eyes, “I want to stay 3 forever!” I implored you about why…and one reason you gave is that you never want to live away from me. I told you that you could live with me as long as you want (knowing full well that by the teenage years, you’ll be eager to be on your own!) At least for now, I think that the idea of staying with me forever satisfied and comforted you.

Oh, to have you with me forever! Sweet child, the thought comforted me, too.
I love you, Rowan, and always will.

The best part

2009-02-18T22:16:00.003-06:00

So today is my 32nd birthday. I like birthdays. I'm cool with getting older.

Today, the mark of a good day was this: Joe made me scrambled eggs, I took a long morning shower, we ate lunch at Yesterdog, my mom watched the girls for a few hours so I could go get a coffee, run an errand, do a few things at the house sans children. Many dear friends and family called and loved on me. Joe brought me really funky flowers. My mom made lasagna for dinner. We drank a bit of wine. Watched LOST.

But the best part was clear. A card from Rowan. Her idea. Her words. Her sounding it all out with Grandma before I came home. Her concern that the "M" in mom on the inside wasn't perfect.

Translation: Happy Birthday, you are the bestest mom in the world, Rowan XXXOOO. My favorite part is her version of bestest...in her mind, it sounded out to "bastis." In case you wondered if she still had some southern influence.

I'm proud of my not-quite-4 year old (it's her turn for a birthday on Saturday...she was due to be born on my birthday!), surely, and her growing grasp of language and words...my mom said that the only thing she helped her with was reminding her what sound "th" made.

Mostly, my heart just skips a beat because I'm crazy about this child. And I love being her mom.

Sleeping Like a Baby

2009-02-12T09:30:00.002-06:00

It's hard to know what's normal with a newborn. I have taken care of many newborns...been around a lot of nieces, nephews, and friends' babies. But it's not the same as spending 24 hours a day with a baby (especially the night part)...you just see snippets, can never really get a feel for how much sleeping and crying they ACTUALLY do. So I'm not sure what's normal, but I have pondered writing down every 5 minutes of my day and night with exactly what I'm doing and what Piper is doing...and posting that, hoping to compare notes with other moms of newborns.

It's hard to write honestly for a blog, but also take into consideration the varied experiences and filters of potential readers. We have a healthy child...what a blessing. I know people who are struggling to get pregnant, who may never get pregnant. I know people who have children with disabilities or other special needs that far outweigh any challenge that a healthy newborn brings. I know people who have buried their babies. It's hard for me not to think of all of these people when I start to write something that sounds like a complaint. And yet, there ARE real frustrations and challenges with having a newborn, even if they are perfectly healthy. I want to write from a place of real truth and candor about where we are at...but sometimes I'm paralyzed with concern for coming off as ungrateful.

I am not ungrateful. Just tired.

We've had some really calm, nice times with Piper. She can be really smiley, and can zone out for several minutes just looking at the ceiling or someone moving their hand. She is cooing, and gives these huge smiles, tongue out, when someone earnestly talks to her and looks in her eyes. And during the day, she'll usually take at least one nap (provided we don't try to move her to the car) that lasts 2 or even 3 hours. So that's a huge break. She loves to have her diaper changed (loves the nakedness, just like her big sister)...and oftentimes, the solution to her crying is to just lay her down and take her clothes off. Then she can be very calm, smiley, and content. These moments are precious.

These moments do not happen in the car, ever. Occasionally she's fallen asleep or stayed asleep when I've transferred her to the car, but this is the exception. If she's awake in the car, she's crying. Usually it's crying escalating to screaming escalating to full-body thrashing. I've had to train Rowan to force herself to laugh when Piper really gets going in the car...otherwise we'd all be crying. Rowan is doing a good job. I'm trying. It makes us really consider whether a trip to ANYWHERE is worth it.

And she's sleeping like a baby...if sleeping like a baby means waking every few hours, plus having several hours at some point in the middle of the night when she's grunting, waking every 5 or 10 minutes (although she is trying to sleep), and generally so uncomfortable that we don't sleep. Where did we ever get the phrase "slept like a baby?"

There was one night last week that felt like hope: she fell asleep on my chest around 12:45 AM, I was able to get comfortable in bed, and she slept until 6:15 AM. So we'll get there eventually. I won't be awake from 1:00-5:00 AM trying to keep my 5 year old calm. I have to always use the 5 year rule...."in five years"...and then I feel more sane.

For now, we're trying to figure out why she's having these spells of grunting...right in the middle of the night, usually somewhere around 3 or 4 and lasting until morning. she seems to be sleeping through most of the grunting, but will also wake/cry out frequently in the midst of it. I'm keeping track of everything I eat and at what time...and we have found no correlations. We've tried every sleep position and situation possible...in the bassinet on her back, on her side, even desperately tried her belly. In the car seat next to the bed (which has worked the best), in bed with us, actually on our body, or next to us...nestled in the middle of the boppy, in the crook of the couch. She's been wrapped like a burrito, left in a diaper to be skin-to-skin, left out to flail, left to cry (not for very long yet...I just don't see the purpose or justice in letting a newborn cry (without comforting!) for very long. Plus our babies just seem to get ramped up after 5 or 10 minutes of being left to cry...and then take SO long to calm back down. We'll eventually just let her cry for longer and longer periods...but not in these first months.)

Apparently if a mother makes a lot of milk and has a forceful let-down (I have both), it can lead to gassiness and fussiness because the baby ends up swallowing so much air to keep up with the flow of milk. I have already naturally done the things to correct this: only nursing her on one side at a feeding, frequent burping, catching some of the first milk in a burp cloth until it tames down. Plus, she doesn't have long spells of gas and discomfort during the day...it's just at night.

So if anyone has any advice, we'd welcome it. I feel pretty educated on most things baby, but I'd also love to have an "aha" moment that leads to better sleep for all.

And in the end, we may just have to endure for awhile.

One request: please do not suggest giving this child baby cereal to calm her tummy. Not gonna do that. Breast-feeding is a fragile endeavor. It's beautiful, and I love it, but it is also a lot of work and responsibility. A breast-feeding mom needs encouragement, not the nagging sense that her milk isn't sufficient. I'm done with questioning whether my milk is enough, or is causing some horrible reaction (I am willing to eliminate foods from my diet, and already have). Supplementing breast milk seems to be a popular idea to ease fussiness and get a baby to sleep longer at night---if you're interested to know why giving cereal (or other solids) is not the best idea at such a young age, here's why you shouldn't.

Our days have been good, albeit loud, thanks in no small part to Rowan's flexibility and sweetness when it comes to Piper and Piper's fussiness. I also seem to have a bigger dose of patience than I remember having when Rowan was a baby. Maybe because I know how it all turns out in the end...with Rowan, I probably had this nagging sense somewhere deep down that I would be walking, swaying, and shushing for the rest of my life. Now I know that I get this cool little person at the end of it.

So there is a lot of crying...a lot of attempts at comforting...a lot of times of not knowing what the heck is wrong. A lot of me telling Rowan that she has to wait a minute. Again, thank goodness for her sweetness! Oh, and for PBS.

In non-baby news, our house is coming right along...it's beautiful! We are eager to move in...and while Joe has said he is no longer giving time estimates, it seems like the upstairs is within weeks of being completed. I can't wait to post some photos---soon, I promise! I want to wait until it's all cleaned up and finished. We're looking forward to setting up our own home again--it's been awhile.

To see a few more pics of the girls, click here.

The M word

2009-02-03T08:20:00.000-06:00

When we moved back to MI from CA, we left the veggie oil Mercedes in CA to sell (and finally sold it in early December!) So we have just had the truck...and it wasn't working for us to share one vehicle. For awhile we short-term leased a car from my uncle who owns a car dealership...but once Piper came along, getting 2 kids and car seats in and out of a 4 door was getting old.

Since we were dating I knew that "Mini-Van" was practically a swear word to Joe. It has always represented something bigger than just a family vehicle. He hasn't been able to say exactly what it represents, but I suspect it has something to do with a mini-van not being very macho, or with admitting that your life cannot be managed with any other, cooler car. He always felt like getting a mini-van would be like admitting that you'd given up. He literally has a hard time saying the words "mini-van" and often just refers to it as the "m" word.

I'm with our friend Joel who maintains that getting a mini-van is admitting the ultimate in practicality. I mean, what vehicle uses space as efficiently, is as easy to get car seats in and out of, and still gets okay gas mileage? Okay, maybe a Honda Pilot or some other cool cross-over...but what vehicle for under $5,000 can do all these things? A mini-van can seat-belt at least 7 people, has a roof rack, decent storage room in the back, 2 easy to use sliding doors...and right now you can get a perfectly decent one for well under five grand.

So I finally convinced Joe. He says that his pride is less important than my happiness. What a guy. And we are now the happy (or not so happy) owners of a 2000 Nissan Quest. We got a great deal on it. I'm feeling a bit like a soccer mom, but I'm thrilled. Can't remember ever being so excited about a vehicle, actually. I assured Joe that we do not have to own this vehicle forever...it's just to get us through these years with small children.

Joe called our insurance company to get the mini-van added, and when he told the guy that we needed to add a Nissan Quest, the guy said "oh, I'm sorry man." Just what Joe needed to hear, right? Don't fuel his mini-van snobbery!

Mini-Van drivers unite!

Istock Flames!

2009-01-31T13:33:00.002-06:00

I have been contributing photos to istockphoto for about a year now. Istock is a great micro-stock photo site where people can download photos for a reasonable fee (for use on websites, brochures, whatever) and I get a cut of each download. Actually, I submitted a bunch of photos at first, got over 90 accepted, and haven't submitted any more since the Spring! So I need to work more on that soon....it's a nice little way to make money :)

When a photo gets 100 downloads, it gets a cool little flame symbol above it, because it's "hot" I guess.

I got my first flames this week! Check it out here. It's a photo of Joe and Rowan on the beach off of Highway 1 in CA.

She laughs

2009-01-27T13:30:00.003-06:00

Hard to believe that Piper is already one month old.

She laughs. The first time it was in her sleep, like those dreamy smiles that babies give that everyone attributes to gas. I'm pretty sure a giggle is proof that an actual dream was going on. The first verifiable, lucid giggle came while Rowan and I were watching High School Musical, of all things. Scary but true. That movie was created to get songs stuck in your head, and during the last song Rowan and I were dancing. Piper happened to wake up during this, so I picked her up and kept dancing with her. I guess she liked the song, too, or maybe the dancing....because she laughed out loud.

Smiles are coming much quicker, too. It's just the best.

She's also started to coo. Amazing to watch the beginning of language, to see her brain firing and trying to communicate back with all the sweet talking people do to her.

It's clear that she is discovering her voice and that it gives her pleasure.

Rowan hasn't been feeling well the last few days (welcome to winter in Michigan), so we've had our first times of real jealousy and Rowan feeling frustrated by my divided attention. Rowan has wanted to snuggle while I'm nursing, or has some other urgent need when I'm walking or soothing Piper. She has said things like "I'm tired of being a big sister" or "I wish we never had a baby"...all understandable things, for sure, and I'm trying to just communicate to her that it's normal to feel that way.

My dad was noting recently that most of Rowan's imaginative play the last few weeks has surrounded the idea of protection or safety (and my dad should know, since he does a LOT of imaginative play with Rowan!) She got a horse barn for Christmas, and for weeks now she has wanted to gather up all her horses and animals closely to each other, then has my dad kind of lay down around them....and they play that a snow storm (or other such storm) is coming, and they have to protect all the animals. This can go on for a long time. They were also building with legos and she started to put a fence around a house...but she insisted that it wasn't a fence, but "protectors". Not only has her life been turned upside-down by the birth of Piper, but her sense of "home" has also been a bit shaky for the last year. We have lived so many different places and referred to each of them as "home"... it's no wonder she wants to fiercely protect what she has!

The clothing sensitivity issue has much improved, thanks in no small part to the seamless socks. That, and we've gotten more firm with what is and isn't acceptable behavior to cope with her discomfort!

Our nights have been really up and down with Piper. Some nights have been decent...she's slept for 3 or even 3 and a half hours between feeds. But then other nights have been brutal....like she's up every 30 or 45 minutes, and we never really get to sleep. Joe and I started sleeping in separate rooms so that at least ONE of us is getting some rest every night...but that's getting old. I've been doing a much better job with baby #2 at taking care of myself and accepting help at night. I never missed a night-time feed when Rowan was a baby. That wasn't good for me, or her probably. With Piper we started giving her a bottle of breast milk at 2 weeks old....and now, at least 2 or 3 times a week, either Joe or my mom has been doing a middle-of-the-night feeding, so I can string together 4 or 5 hours of sleep. That has been wonderful!

I can do anything, really, if I'm well-rested.

Piper is an amazing nurser. Rowan was this way, too. Piper nurses so quickly that I'm often questioning whether she has gotten enough (she has: yesterday she weighed 10 lbs, 8 oz!). It's a combination of my milk production and her sucking ability....but I'm not exaggerating that it takes her about 5-8 minutes to nurse. Usually just on one breast and she's good to go. I always offer the second, but most of the time she's already full. I've been pumping in the middle of the night when my mom or Joe has her....and I can get 5 ounces in less than 3 minutes. Talk about milk! Joe says we need to sell it on Craigslist.

This quick nursing is a real blessing in most ways--less time to have to negotiate a baby on the breast and all the other needs around me...easy to quick nurse if we are out and about, and not have to miss much, nice to have shorter wake times in the middle of the night. But sometimes I wish she would nurse longer...like when she is fussy, and it would be nice to have quiet for 20 minutes! Like her big sister was, Piper is not interested in nursing for comfort or to fall asleep...she will only take the breast if she is hungry. She's all business.

So it's 3:00 PM, I'm still in my pjs (even though they are damp with breast milk), I haven't brushed my hair or put my contacts in...and it seems like half of the days are this way. I have to plot out when I will get food in me, plan ahead to take a shower, and just in general use time very wisely if I want to get a load of laundry done or accomplish any other seemingly mundane, daily task. Hence the lack of blog posts the last week or so.

As my sister-in-law Stacia said the other day: my hands are always busy, even if my brain is not.

That's something I have to figure out as the weeks wear on. While I am doing this all-important work of caring for little children, and while I really enjoy most of it, I crave some creative or intellectual outlet, too. It's weird that I can feel bored when there is so much going on. I'm constantly holding someone, making someone food (or nursing), changing diapers, walking, patting, shushing, picking up....the tasks don't really end, and yet this nagging sense of boredom arises.

I'll have to figure out how to carve time into the week that engages me as an adult, a creative person, and as someone who has skills other than mothering.

Important for my daughters to see me interacting with the world, too. I want them to grow into strong, confident, capable women....so they need to see me being those things!

To see a few more photos, click here.

Dreaming of Seamless Socks

2009-01-14T18:56:00.002-06:00

So a few weeks ago I had a dream that I was at the store and came across some seamless socks for kids. They were $20 a pair in my dream, which didn't deter me a bit...I bought 3 pairs and was really happy about it.

Pretty bad if I'm dreaming about seamless socks, right?

Dreams always tell us something. Well, I figured this dream was telling me to go and google seamless socks, because surely they existed and could help with our morning dressing situation.

They do exist. They are $8 a pair, which compared to the $20 in my dream didn't sound too bad. I ordered 3 pairs last week, they arrived Monday.

And mornings are back to semi-normal.

Who knew that I could be so happy about a pair of socks!

If anyone has heard of seamless panties for kids (not the fancy ones for adults that make it look like you have no underwear seams...but TRULY seamless panties in kids sizes) let me know.

A quick update on sleep since the last posting about Piper: they always say sleep will get better and better as the weeks go on. Not true the last 4 days. We've had some really rough nights...and the thought of sleeping 2 hours straight now seems like a pretty good deal. Hasn't happened lately.

Socks: much better.
Sleep: not so much.

Mini Photo Shoot of Piper at 2.5 weeks

2009-01-13T16:06:00.004-06:00

To see more photos from our mini photo shoot at 2-1/2 weeks...click here.

Do we produce fussy babies?

2009-01-11T20:30:00.000-06:00

The jury is still out on what kind of baby Piper will be: calm and typical, or gassy and fussy? This week there has been a lot of evidence towards the latter....and it makes our hearts sink a bit. Rowan was a challenging infant (never slept well...didn't sleep through the night until 9 months, cried in the car always, cried during lots of her wake times, required lots and lots of stimulation to be happy)...so we were hoping for a more relaxed second child! Many of the days this week have felt like those early days with Rowan. When a baby is fussy, you're always questioning what the cause is--once hunger, sleep, and a clean diaper have been ruled out....there is lots of mystery. Piper has seemed uncomfortable this week, like her body is trying to process the gas and digestion and something just doesn't feel right. So I start paying attention to what I'm eating, and eliminate the common culprits: onions, broccoli, grapefruit, chocolate. What a guessing game!

Let me make this clear: what an amazing blessing to have a healthy child. Babies are miracles...sounds cliche, but it is so true. We are thankful. We are blessed. We marvel at her every day. Her body is perfect. Her skin is amazing.

And yet...these first weeks are hard. Poor sleep, trying to figure each other out. All of us adjusting to new roles and responsibilities as a family of four. Some good friends of ours found out they are pregnant with their first child last week...and they stopped by the house to share the news with Joe. Upon reporting the visit to me, Joe said that he was aware that he needed to show excitement about the pregnancy....and had to dig deep to offer genuine words of congratulations. He said that as he was saying "wow, that's great!" in his head he was thinking "what are you thinking?" and when he said "congratulations" he was really thinking "don't you guys like each other?" During this newborn phase especially, Joe maintains that kids are no good for a marriage. And he's probably right. We get through it...and learn some things about each other in the end, and come to a deeper appreciation for each other, and ultimately share a different, deeper kind of bond because of parenting together. But there is nothing romantic about waking up together every two hours, changing dirty diapers, and enduring unexplained crying.

Some days with Piper have been better than others....but there are always at least a few moments of calm sweetness during the day, of staring into each others' eyes, of cooing and talking and just memorizing each other. Rowan seems to love baby stuff...wants to hold Piper a lot, help change her diapers and clothes, and it is so cool to watch them together.

There has been one significant way that Rowan has reacted to having a new sibling. We haven't seen any direct jealousy or acting out towards Piper...but Rowan's clothing sensitivities have elevated to another level, and we're figuring that it is at least in part a reaction to her life changing. I think I've written in the past about some of Rowan's sensitivities and particularities...she definitely perceives her environment in an acute way, and oftentimes the stimulation is just too much to handle. So for example, she doesn't have a single pair of jeans...they are too uncomfortable for her. And socks are always an issue...it takes quite awhile each morning to get them to fit just right. The seam has to be perfectly centered over her toes, the heel pocket exactly where it should be. Barrettes or ponytails? Forget it. Her sensitivities have been an annoyance for sure...but we've all been able to cope and adapt to them. Her wardrobe consists of all soft, comfy things...this winter her outfit of choice has been cotton leggings with a loose cotton dress. Winter has been a new challenge because of all the layering that is required...coats are a pain, boots don't feel right, and you can imagine how mittens or gloves go over. Anyways, not long after Piper was born, Rowan decided that her panties didn't feel right...and it has kind of spiraled into a ridiculous situation at dressing time. Lots of crying, negotiating, and gnashing of teeth and stomping of feet (by Rowan, then by us).

Because if the panties don't feel right...putting something over the panties, say leggings or pants, just complicates matters. And by the time we get to putting on socks (30 minutes later), things are in really bad shape. As this scenario has played out and intensified each day when it is time to get dressed, we've had to figure out how to deal with it: empathize with her sensitivities, sure, but at what point is this a discipline issue? We're trying to figure out how to help her cope, how to set boundaries on what's acceptable behavior to deal with her discomfort, and finding that line between being patient and being firm. A child psychologist might say this is a classic case of a child with a new sibling vying for attention...even if it's negative attention. Thing is, Rowan has quite possibly had MORE attention in the last 3 weeks than she ever has had in her life...between 2 grandparents being around and me being mostly home bound, she has had ample undivided attention. So we're working on the situation.

There are moments in the day that feel like I have everything under control. I took a photo of one such moment above. When Piper is sleeping on her own, when Rowan is fully engaged in something independently. I look like I know what I'm doing. Heck, I even feel something like a competent parent.

I asked Rowan the other day what has been something unexpected about having a new baby. After talking about what 'unexpected' means, she thoughtfully replied "how much she cries and how much she nurses are two things I didn't expect." Well, I should have expected those things....I've done this once before...but the mind has a funny way of forgetting that stuff, otherwise we might never do it again!

I love the way they are looking at each other in this photo. Piper looks like she is talking with her hands. Rowan is gently touching Piper's head.

I have a feeling that watching these two girls grow up together, watching them play and fight and love each other, watching them develop into adults and relate to each other as friends...I have a feeling that witnessing their relationship will be one of the great privileges of my life.

To see a few more photos from the week, click here.

Another Piper Update

2009-01-02T17:23:00.005-06:00

A few days ago we were sitting down for lunch and Rowan abruptly got up, retrieved her dolly, and went to the couch. “I have to nurse the baby before I eat,” she said matter-of-factly. She hoisted her shirt and did just that…very seriously….for several minutes. Then she returned to her lunch, announcing to no one in particular: “babies are a lot of work.”

I was glad that she tolerated me snapping a few photos…you can check them out on flickr. Pretty cute. And it makes sense that she would pretend to nurse….a big part of her new reality as a big sister is that mommy nurses every few hours. So she’s seen plenty of it these past days!

We had another appointment with the pediatrician this week and at exactly one week old, Piper weighed 8 lbs 10 oz…so she continues to gain weight beautifully. She’s sleeping like a newborn should…has periodic wakeful times of an hour or so during the day, and is on continual sleep at night except for waking to nurse every 2-3 hours. 3 if we’re really lucky! Mornings have still been nice and lazy for me….I can stay in bed with Piper because Rowan goes to play with Grandma and Grandpa. The other day my mom came to get Piper mid-morning and I slept another few hours without even thinking about the baby—that’s a luxury! Then she even made me scrambled eggs when I finally rolled out of bed right before noon. Moving back in with the parents has been a great idea for the first few weeks with a newborn! Seriously, it has made for a very relaxed and restful transition for all of us. My mom and dad go back to work on Monday….then I’ll be in for the reality of parenting 2!

Rowan was not an easy baby…and we’ve been holding our breath to see what kind of temperament Piper will have. I maintain that the first few weeks don’t reveal much…newborns are on such sleepy mode, it’s hard to tell if they’re going to be fussy or calm. One piece of what made Rowan hard was that the car was not a calming place for her. She just cried in the car….if it was a quick trip to the grocery store or a long trip back up to MI. We were in Jonesboro when she was a baby, so in her first year we made several 11 hour road trips up to Grand Rapids…and they were not fun. She would literally not sleep for 11 hours, and would cry for over half the hours. It’s so exhausting when you can’t do much about the crying, but have to listen to it for that long. And even short trips were aggravating…I had to really consider whether an errand or date with a friend was worth it!

Again, 10 days is a bit young to know patterns…but so far there has been lots of crying in the car. My first time driving with the girls alone was to the pediatrician the other day (Joe met us there)….and Piper was crying harder than she ever has, which made Rowan really uncomfortable, so SHE started crying, saying “I don’t like the crying, I don’t like the crying!” over and over again. I don’t think a 15 minute car ride has EVER felt so long to me!

We’ve been looking at baby photos to try and determine where Piper came from….she was really baffling us, not just the hair, but all of her features. We looked at Joe and Steph’s baby pictures last week and didn’t see much in common. We hauled out me and my brother Tom’s newborn photos a few days ago….and her soft, stick-out hair is very similar to Tom’s when he was born. Then we checked out my photos…and there are some strong similarities! Yeah for me! She definitely doesn’t look like I do NOW, but in those newborn photos…especially the profile ones…the eyes and nose look just alike. Her face is a bit rounder than mine was (which is definitely a Cebulski baby trait), but it’s kind of fun to think that she might look a little like me! People always say Rowan looks like Joe….which is fine because I think Joe is quite handsome…but wouldn’t it be fun if Piper favored me?

To see a few more photos, click here.

Piper's First Days

2008-12-28T19:09:00.004-06:00

We did get to come home from the hospital on Christmas Day. Rowan was very patient and waited for us to open her stocking. It was actually good timing to bring a baby home in terms of adjustment for Rowan...two solid days of Christmas celebration and opening presents provided a pretty good distraction from how her life is changing!

It's also been a huge help to be at my parent's house. Lots of extra hands to help...lots of playmates for Rowan, I think she's just barely registered my divided attention so far. My parents are both educators, so they're on Christmas break for another week. One of the best parts of this arrangement is that when Rowan wakes up in the morning, she can go downstairs on her own and play with Grandma and Grandpa, allowing us to catch a few extra hours of sleep if Piper is still sleeping. This is a luxury that most parents of 2 cannot fathom!

The days have passed in a bit of a fog...in a way that only a newborn's schedule can induce. All day I ask myself "when did I last nurse?" "how long has she been sleeping?" "when was her last diaper change?" "did I remember to take tylenol at 3:00?" and time seems to be measured by baby bowel movements and burps and longest length of adult REM sleep at night.

Joe worked at the house for part of the day today, and when he got back about 7:00, he wondered why Rowan was in her PJs so early. Because we never got out of our PJs today, of course!

We had to take Piper to the pediatrician yesterday and everything looks great. Breastfed babies are given a week to get back up to their birth weight....and at 4 days old, Piper already weighed 8 lbs, 6 oz, a full 2 oz bigger than her birth weight! Yes, I was proud. Both the doctor and the nurse asked what I was supplementing with. That's all my milk, thank you. And yes, it means my milk has come in, and come in with force! I've needed Piper the last few days more than she has needed me.

Some of you may know that I've been interested in becoming certified as a Lactation Consultant, so I feel quite confident and comfortable with nursing. I know what a latch should look like and feel like, know the trouble-shooting things to do to ensure a good latch, and just in general know a lot about breastfeeding. Knowing that Piper's latch was excellent, I felt like I was more sore than I should be after a few days of nursing. I checked out her frenulum and it seemed like maybe she was a bit "tongue-tied", meaning her frenulum is closer to the tip of her tongue, making it difficult to stick her tongue out of her mouth very far. I asked the pediatrician about it, and sure enough...she has a tight frenulum. It's not a bad case...just a bit tight. So now we have to decide whether or not to get it clipped. Usually people get it clipped if there are problems with breastfeeding...but since she is gaining weight and doing so well nursing, the answer isn't so clear about clipping or not. It's more about my discomfort.

You'll be glad to know that the tight frenulum is her only imperfection so far :)

I forgot what sleep deprivation feels like. I don't think I'm there yet...but give me another week and I'll be deep in. Thank goodness newborns sleep a lot during the day, otherwise the nights might just be unbearable. Like most newborns, I suppose, Piper prefers the warmth and comfort of our arms to sleep...and when we lay her down alone for sleep, it only lasts an hour or so. Even though we've done this baby thing once before, the constant questioning begins: do we bring her into bed with us, ensuring longer, albeit lighter for us, sleep? Will we be setting bad patterns with too much patting, rocking, sushing, assisting her to sleep? Should we offer her a pacifier already, will we disrupt her learning curve for nursing?

I think that the only sure thing about parenting is that you will question yourself constantly.

I'm trying to give myself some time here with no rules or worrying about schedules or patterns or "what other people might think"...and just going with my gut, doing what feels right, and most importantly: ENJOYING this child and her newness.

Oh yeah, and doing whatever it takes to get some sleep at night.

I think I've done a good job of enjoying Piper so far. I love the brief times during the day when she is awake and alert. She has been quite calm so far during these wake times, and just locks eyes with whoever is closest. We swear that she has been smiling...and not just gas smiles...social smiles. I know that everyone will say it's gas or coincidence, but the evidence is mounting by the day that these smiles are in response to human interaction, and one of these days we'll capture it on film.

Newborns are cute, for sure. Partly because their heads are so big in comparison to their bodies, and also because they are just so tiny and new and soft and easy to marvel at. Every new parent thinks that their baby is the cutest thing ever...and then sometimes they look back months or years later at photos and realize that the baby wasn't all that cute after all...their bonding hormones were just raging, ensuring they would care for this thing that looked like a drowned rat.

We don't think that Piper is the most beautiful newborn out there....of course we think she's cute, but I think we're rather objective about HOW cute she is (or isn't!) We've been laughing at some of the photos (we need to eventually post a bunch of the "rejects" that never get posted!) because she just looks SO BAD! Newborns are completely UN-self conscious, of course, so it can be great entertainment to watch them wake up, or fall asleep, and observe all the crazy faces they make....crossed eyes, horrible grimaces, red red skin, many of them amusingly ugly!

To see a few more pics from the last few days, click here.

Piper Jane's Birth Day

2008-12-24T18:29:00.007-06:00

Piper's labor story began at about 3:00 AM on Tuesday when I was awakened by contractions. I'd been having strong braxton hicks contractions in the evenings for over a week, so at first I thought that's what I was feeling. When I couldn't get back to sleep and started paying attention to the close timing of the contractions, I quickly determined that this was the real deal. I was able to manage them in bed for awhile, just breathing through them and letting Joe continue to sleep. By 5:00 they had been coming consistently at intervals of 5 minutes or less and I decided that I should get final things packed for the hospital and wake Joe. My contractions intensified and I needed to stop what I was doing to get through them---being on my hands and knees or laying on a big exercise ball seemed to be the most comfortable position to weather the pain. I called the Doctor a bit after 6:00 and he instructed us to head to the hospital. My contractions were now closer to 3 minutes apart, and intense. Still, it felt a bit early to go to the hospital (of course I was thinking of Rowan's labor, which was over 20 hours). But since I had tested positive for Group B Strep a few weeks ago, I had to be on antibiotics during labor and ideally be on those for 4 hours before delivery. So off we went.

We arrived at the hospital and they put us in a triage room...where they basically determine if you are in labor or not. This was the most rotten part of the day. After checking dilation, they hook up all the monitors to see contractions and baby's heart rate...then check dilation again after an hour to see if labor is progressing. But you have to stay laying down in the bed because of all these monitors...and that's just the worst way to labor. Gravity is working against you...and for me, I just felt totally out of control of pain management. I wanted to be up, wanted to be on my knees, wanted to squat, wanted to lay out on a ball, wanted to do ANYTHING other than lay there flat on my back. But I guess that's the legal part of having a baby in a hospital...lots of rules, and one thing they've learned is that lots of people come in and are not actually in labor yet. The irony is that making you lay on your back is a great way to stop a labor that may have actually been progressing!

Once they determined I was in active labor (thank you very much), they moved us to a room where we could labor and deliver. By now the contractions were coming 1-2 minutes a part and I was making a lot of noise to get through them. I wasn't sure going in if I would get an epidural or not, and at this point opted for one. It was a huge relief. It felt so good to rest for a few hours before pushing. I was already dilated to 7 when I got the epidural, and by 11:30 I was completely dilated and ready to push. When the doctor did the final cervical check, he said that baby was turned face-up. That was the only point in labor that I felt a bit scared, because that is what precipitated 3 hours of pushing with Rowan. Thankfully, Piper turned around during my first few pushes...and within a half an hour, she was born. The pushing was exhilarating this time--I was alert and not weary, they positioned a mirror so I could watch everything perfectly. I remember lots of smiling at Joe between contractions, and during one break, I even said that this was kind of fun. And I meant it. Is there anything in life, truly, than can rival the birth of a child? I felt hyper-present during those 30 minutes....completely unaware of anything else in the entire universe, as though everything hinged on those moments, Piper's moments, in that room.

We saw her hair first...and marveled at this longish, darkish head when we were certain it would be bald, or at the very least blond. She crowned slowly, so I was able to avoid an episiotomy (just had a small tear), and once her shoulder was out, I got to reach down and help pull her the rest of the way out. I held her up over my abdomen to get a look between the legs, then put her skin to my skin right from the womb, where she remained for an hour before any of the silly hospital stuff they had to do to her.

I didn't recognize this child. What a strange feeling, to look upon a child who is yours, who you already love, and to not know who they are. Already, less than 36 hours later, I've memorized the curve of her cheek, the soft of her hair. She is mine. But right after birth, I wouldn't be able to pick her out from a line of babies. All puffiness and red and not really looking like Rowan, or me, or Joe. Who is this child? I remember feeling the same when Rowan was born. Who are you?

Birthing a second child is a different experience on many levels. For one, the comparisons already begin...and I had to be aware to focus on THIS experience, on THIS child, on THIS birth. But the comments would come so easily "with Rowan's birth," or "when Rowan was turned the wrong way" or "at this many hours in during Rowan's labor." I imagine that this is a foreshadowing of Piper's other milestones, and I have resolved to be diligent about the uniqueness of her story, her spirit. Oh to be a first child with nothing to compare you to!

The other big difference this time is seeing the experience through Rowan's eyes. That's been a really fun part. I was so excited to call her on the phone just 10 or 15 minutes after birth, and let her know that her dreams had come true! "Is it a girl?" she asked me tentatively. Yes, child, you got your sister. And she did rush to the hospital...in time to see Piper's first bath and give her lots of hugs and kisses. The photo below is of Rowan's very first glimpse of Piper....I'll never forget that look on her face. She first looked at me intently, a bit tentatively, as though her little heart knew the significance of this meeting, and when she felt re-assured enough by me, she looked down at Piper with such pride and happiness, I've just never seen an expression on her face quite like that before. I asked if she wanted to come sit with us on the bed, and she very politely replied "no, thank you." She just wanted to watch....which she did intently over the next few hours.

Her name. Piper Jane. It wasn't official until a few hours after birth because we hadn't decided for sure beforehand on names. We did know for sure that the middle name would be Jane. My maternal grandma died two years ago in January, and her name was Jane Lenore. Grandma had this spirit about her that was more than just a grandmotherly love. She was honest, funny, gorgeous until the day she died. So Jane is for her. Because I want Piper to have some of my grandma in her. Piper is really just a name that we have always admired, liked for it's quirkiness, for being unusual, and because we can just imagine a daughter of ours fitting into the name. There were a few other girl's names that were in contention...but after spending a few hours with her, Piper just seemed to suit her the best.

So Piper has mostly been sleeping, which has afforded me opportunity to write this all out while it is fresh. She had an okay night last night, although her deepest, longest sleeps have been reserved for the day times. She's nursing well and vigorously...deemed healthy on all the tests they've done...and we plan to go home tomorrow morning. What an unusual and blessed Christmas Day it will be!

My dad gave me this poem today that he wrote for Piper, and I want to share it with you. There is meaning in a birth so close to Christmas, and I love how my dad's poem connects us all not only to the manger, but to the animals there...as a reminder that we are called his sheep, and He our Shepard. The last line is reference to C.S. Lewis who talks about us as wooly sheep...and a good image for a child with a head full of hair like Piper's!

A Birth Poem for Piper Jane

Among ox and ass a baby divine.
In the stable of life comes new grandchild,
mine.

I look for the Savior in crib full of hay.
I see Him in Piper, in graced arms
now laid.

I pray she will know her life now is fully
In hands of the Shepherd, who sees us as
wooly.

To see a few more pictures from yesterday, click here.

Have a great Christmas.

Piper Jane Cebulski

2008-12-23T20:06:00.003-06:00

Hello friends and family. This is gonna be short and sweet. A larger post to come tomorrow when I have some brain cells functional to write with. We are elated to welcome this bundle of life into our lives. 8lbs 4oz. 21 inches long. Momma and baby are doing great. Dad is holding up ok despite having done far less than the two aforementioned ladies. Both of which are radiant beams of pure beauty! A couple of teaser pics. More to come manana.

Heffners

2008-12-22T22:00:00.003-06:00

Back in the summer we had a visit with our friends Ken and Gail Heffner and talked a lot about some of the possibilities for our future. We were still undecided about what was next for us, but we talked about the possibility of being in Grand Rapids, of buying a house, of maybe needing a temporary place to stay. Before we had even made the decision to move, the Heffners had offered that we could stay at their place should the need and situation arise.

I got to know the Heffners during my last few years at Calvin. Ken is the Director of Student Activities at Calvin, and one of his main contributions to Calvin and the Grand Rapids community has been the tremendous quality and quantity of bands and concerts he brings in. He’s also been an important voice in the realm of popular culture and how Christians should enter into it. Gail used to co-direct the Service-Learning Center at Calvin, where I worked my senior year and where I was prepared for the world of non-profits. I first met Ken and Gail through a friend because we were talking about starting an intentional community to live in for our senior year, and we heard that the Heffners had lived in intentional community in Pittsburgh before they moved to Michigan. Through our conversations with them, we eventually asked them to be mentors for our intentional community---committing to meet with us on a regular basis to talk through whatever issues came up, to give us guidance as we formed this new community. Pamoja was the name of our house…there were 6 of us living together, eating together, carpooling together, trying to know each other and love each other in an intentional way. The Heffners helped us tremendously through that process. I only lived at Pamoja for my senior year…but the cool thing is, it’s still going on! I think they are in their 11^th year….and the Heffners are still their mentors! A month or so ago I got to sit in on one of their Sunday night meetings at the Heffner’s house---how neat to see this group of students and get to talk a bit about the early vision of Pamoja and what they are up to now.

This is a really long way to get to the present….but Ken and Gail have remained in our life, even when we moved from Grand Rapids, and each time we visited home we always looked forward to a yummy dessert and long conversation on their front porch. They have been like mentors to us, but not in a formal way, and have always provided us with good questions, solid guidance, and an excellent example of what marriage can look like after 20 and 25 years. Ken and Gail both have a knack for drawing people out with sincere interest and excellent questions, and they especially know how to engage younger people in a way that not only helps them grow, but offers enough respect to make them feel like friends.

The Heffners have 3 grown children (their youngest is a senior at Calvin) and a house big enough to fit them all, even though none still live at home. Their home also happens to be in Eastown, near Wilcox Park, which is one of the hippest neighborhoods in town. They gave us their attic space and newly added second full bathroom to use and live in for 2 months…allowing us to take over not only some of their space, but a certain level of their privacy and autonomy for that time period as well.

Ken and Gail are an inspiration to be around on many levels. They take creation care seriously, and diligently strive to work out the day-to-day meaning of loving God through loving the earth. So they actually pay attention to the kilowatt hours they use each month. They bike whenever and wherever possible. They have 2 vehicles but seldom use the second. They ride the bus. They buy local. They expanded their kitchen this summer and are most proud of all the materials they re-used, and the recycling center that extends one whole counter-length. They unplug stuff and turn stuff off when not using it. They compost. They collect the shower water as it’s getting warm to use to flush the toilet. They belong to a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) and freeze and can lots of veggies for the winter. They think of creative ways to use the kale and cabbage that comes for too many weeks during the summer. They introduced us to carrot fennel soup, lots of uses for squash, and dishes too numerous to count that use local foods in season.

They are great cooks…and make stuff that is unusual, mostly vegetarian, and as locally grown as possible. They invited us into their kitchen for any of it, and it was fun to watch and learn and help with some really great meals. As anyone who has lived in community knows, meals are a cornerstone of living together. No different at the Heffners. If you’re going to love each other, you eat together. You talk. You take time.

They are also refreshingly honest, candid, and real about family life and marriage. They have a uniquely close relationship with each of their children, and each of their children is an amazing person in their own right. It was neat for us to see a family and marriage (that isn't our own immediate families!) close up for a few months and to witness all the inner-workings. That was the true gift they gave us--not just the place to stay, but an open window into their world and relationship, giving us another solid example in our lives of how a family functions, all the good parts, all the challenges, and a hope for our own family and marriage that we will do as good of a job.

My main regret of our time together: not enough pictures. I go on a trip somewhere for a few days and take hundreds of photos....then I get hunkered down in daily life for a few months and forget to take any! I will have to make up for it during subsequent visits to the Heffners--meals and conversations that we are already looking forward to! Thank you, Ken and Gail, for loving us and for welcoming us into your home. We miss you guys already!

38 weeks

2008-12-21T21:01:00.005-06:00

Joe wasn’t with us when we took the photos of my 37 week belly…so we decided to take a few more at 38 weeks so he could be in them. Or, I should say, our friend Gail gently (highly) encouraged us to take some photos together because we’d regret it otherwise. Gail is wanting to get a digital SLR, so she wanted to mess around with our camera and take a few shots to see what the digital SLR is like…so it all worked out! There are a few more shots at Flickr here.

I’m actually closer to 39 weeks now…and everything is great. I’m having weekly doctor’s appointments, and this week I was dilated to 1 cm and 50% effaced, and the baby's head has descended a bit. Not that that means anything is going to happen soon…just means things are progressing as they should towards delivery. I’m thankful to be very patient at this stage. People have been asking a lot this week if I’m ready to be done being pregnant, or if I am feeling impatient. I’m really not. I love being pregnant, I remember how hard a newborn is, and I’m just really trying to enjoy these last days with just Rowan, these last days getting a full night of sleep, these last days of feeling the intimacy of the baby within me.

Of course I’m eager to meet this child, to look it over, to name it, to smell it’s skin. That’s a given. But there is also some loss in thinking about not being pregnant anymore. Give me the full 40 weeks.

Rowan has her heart set on a sister. We’ve been talking a lot about what will happen when I go into labor, where she will stay, what it will all be like. I’ve told her that she will be the first one I call when the baby is born, and that I’ll either say “Rowan, you have a baby sister!” or “Rowan, you have a baby brother!” The other day we were talking about this with my mom, and Rowan said “if you call and tell me it’s a girl I will be SO excited I will tell EVERYONE that I have a sister and I will RUSH to the hospital to see you!” My mom then asked “what about if it’s a boy?” Rowan thought for a second, then said “well, I’m not going to rush.” This could be interesting!

I’m trying to prepare her for some of the not-so-pleasant parts about babies and about having to share her mom and dad with a sibling. Since she’s almost 4, I think she comprehends it all more than a 2 year old awaiting a sibling might. Not that she really has a CLUE how her life is about to change, but I sense that she understands me when I tell her there will be days when she wishes the baby were still in my belly. My hope is that when those days come, she won’t feel guilty or bad, but can tell me about it.

In other news, we are not living at the house yet. When will we learn to at least double the amount of time we think it will take to get a project done? Joe is working hard and enjoying the work…but the space is just not livable yet. It's going to be gorgeous when it's done, and we're going to live there for awhile....just not yet! We had been staying with our friends the Heffners (blog forthcoming) since mid-October, but decided to move back in with my parents to await labor and to bring the baby home. We moved our stuff over about a week ago and have been getting settled and nested. We had a wonderful stay with the Heffners, but it feels comfortable and right to be at home, and in many ways it will be a tremendous asset to be living here with a newborn. Lots of help with both Rowan and baby, meals, all the ways parents tend to pamper and take care of you!

37 weeks

2008-12-11T22:40:00.005-06:00

Only a few weeks left to go in this pregnancy! I'm past the 37 weeks mark, and can't believe how fast it's gone. This is going to be a long post...it's been awhile, and I'm not even going to get to the non-pregnancy updates! So if you're not interested in lots of details about pregnancy, feel free to skip this post!

I feel more relaxed about this pregnancy (not that there hasn't been stress, and lots of life change, DURING the pregnancy!) than I did with Rowan, which I'm sure is no surprise to second-time moms. I haven't been as eager to read all the pregnancy and childbirth "how-to" books...not because I think I'm an expert or think I will just remember everything (after all, it was almost 4 years ago that Rowan was born!), but because I learned with the first one that all the preparation in the world cannot really prepare you for childbirth and parenting. There are so many ways that the story can unfold, no sense in getting all tied up to one hope or vision of what will be. Maybe that sentiment comes from a rough birth experience with Rowan (3 hours of pushing a posterior baby that never turned...just came out sunny-side-up!)...and not having it measure up to what my carefully thought-out birth plan outlined. I wish that I had been better at going with the flow...and not struggled for even one second with feelings of regret over what kind of birth I had.

Giving birth should not be associated with regret or guilt. Any woman that carries and then delivers a baby...no matter how she does it, via c-section, drug assisted or not, should not feel regret about that awesome feat.

So anyways, I've been more focused on the emotional/spiritual part of this pregnancy. It's surprised me during this advent season how meaningful it is to be so pregnant as we await Christmas. That's what advent is about...the anticipation and waiting for Christ's birth. I feel in tune with Mary, find myself thinking about her traveling to Bethlehem on a donkey at 9 months pregnant, only to not find a room...and ultimately give birth in a barn! It's a story we've heard a million times, but really...can you fathom how awkward she must have been? Can you fathom how scary it must have been to be away from home, trying to "nest" in a stinky stable surrounded by animals? Rowan has this one children's book with the story of Jesus' birth...the text is just the King James Version of the story, but the pictures paint it in a new light. One of my favorite pages is a sequence of Joseph trying (struggling) to get a big-bellied Mary hoisted onto the donkey, not successfully at first, both of them exhausted. I love those images.

The incarnation is a mystery we celebrate every year at Christmas. Being in my last month of pregnancy during the holiday season this year, feeling this baby's daily growth and kicks and stretching for room, wondering if my skin can stretch any tighter over the expanse of my uterus, catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and marvelling at the beauty of my new rounded form, dreaming every day about what this child will look like, what it will feel like at my breast....I have continually thought of Christ growing in Mary, of her pregnancy, of the wonder and holiness of it, that God grew in a woman's womb.

My hand constantly gravitates towards my belly, when I feel a kick or in hopes of feeling one, trying to guess at body parts, wanting to be as close to this child as I can. I love the feeling of life growing inside of me, can't get enough of it. I think of Mary, touching her belly, wondering what it will be like to be the mother of God. I think of Mary, putting her hands over her abdomen, feeling our future tumble inside of her.

One of my favorite poets is Luci Shaw, and she has this gorgeous poem about Mary and Jesus' birth...I've re-read it many times these last weeks. It's called "Mary's Song":

Blue homespun and the bend of my breast
keep warm this small hot naked star
fallen to my arms. (Rest …
you who have had so far to come.)
Now nearness satisfies
the body of God sweetly. Quiet he lies
whose vigor hurled a universe. He sleeps
whose eyelids have not closed before.
His breath (so slight it seems
no breath at all) once ruffled the dark deeps
to sprout a world. Charmed by doves' voices,
the whisper of straw, he dreams,
hearing no music from his other spheres.
Breath, mouth, ears, eyes
he is curtailed who overflowed all skies,
all years. Older than eternity, now he
is new. Now native to earth as I am, nailed
to my poor planet, caught
that I might be free, blind in my womb
to know my darkness ended,
brought to this birth for me to be new-born,
and for him to see me mended
I must see him torn.

My parents gave me a beautiful book during this pregnancy called "Great With Child" by Debra Reinstra. It's a personal account of her 3rd pregnancy, through the eyes of faith, and it's in line with Annie Lamott or Barbara Kingsolver for it's brutal honesty, humor, and feeling that you want to be friends with this person. Debra is actually an English professor at Calvin....I had her for a few classes, so that made it even more fun to read this book. I devoured it, really, because it was what I've been craving....not a book with endless warnings about what could or could not happen during pregnancy, labor, and delivery...but a book about what pregnancy, labor, and mothering look like fleshed out in a person's heart and soul. I recommend this book to anyone who is pregnant!

Then I just finished another book that Gail Heffner (a blog post is forthcoming about the Heffners...we have been staying at their house the last few months) lent to me called "Motherhood and God" by Margaret Hebblethwaite. She is Catholic, so that's been a bit of a different perspective, but it's along the same lines as Reinstra's book....rich in detail and candor about the nitty-gritty of pregnancy and motherhood as it intersects spirituality.

There is one passage from Hebblethwaite's book that I particularly like, especially since Rowan and I have had conversations lately about heaven, eternity, having new bodies (she's not totally keen on that idea, either), and resurrection:

"Paul writes 'the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable nature must put on the imperishable, and this mortal nature must put on immortality (1 cor. 15:52-53)'. Often in the past I have felt uncomfortable with this idea of a new body that is ours, yet different: in so far as it is different it has seemed not truly a body, and not truly mine, and yet it could not be the same as now if it belonged to eternity.

Perhaps it can be understood a little through the parallel with pregnancy: though we cannot imagine it in advance, perhaps when it happens it will have the same feel of rightness and fulfilment, as though the whole development of our earthly bodies has been a sort of puberty preparing us for the moment when in a truly physical way we shall move into a new phase. We shall find our bodies able to do things we never thought they could, a little bit like the way in pregnancy the whole metabolism switches into a new gear, works bigger and better than ever, nourishing and feeding not one but two bodies, or like the way we find our tummies can stretch to an extent we would never have believed possible has we not seen it in others, or like the way our bodies can open up and give birth to the fully grown baby--how could we have imagined that there would be room for a whole baby to come out in one piece if we had not the experience of others to go on? Maybe our new risen bodies will have that feel of unexpectedly fulfilled physicality, so that when we materialize and dematerialize (as the risen Christ did) we will feel not less ourselves, but more then ever ourselves."

My mom gave me a card the other day that had a drawing of a pregnant woman on the front...and it says "I never thought of myself as particularly perfect....until now."

I feel that way as I head into these last weeks of pregnancy.

My friend Jill Herweyer took all of these photos a few days ago...at exactly 37 weeks pregnant. Jill has ben taking more and more photos, and I've admired her keen photographic eye. So I asked her if I could set up my backdrop and lights, if she would lend me her good eye and take some photos. I think they turned out great...and you can see a bunch more on Flickr if you click here.

1235 Allerton: Before

2008-11-12T16:43:00.003-06:00

Finally getting a few photos of the house posted! Here is the house from the outside...click here to see a handful more of the interior.

These photos were taken a few weeks ago....so there has already been a lot of progress. It's a huge one-man job, and Joe is working long hours to try to get everything accomplished. Our hope is that the upstairs (3 bedrooms and a full bath) will be done in time for us to move in with a few weeks to spare before the baby comes.....my due date is Dec. 31, so we're shooting for the middle of December. This is our hope, anyways--we'll keep you posted as things progress. The downstairs won't be done yet by mid-December....but maybe started on....and we'll just deal with a make-shift kitchen for awhile.

Joe has spent most of his time so far doing things that you can't really see...but it's all important foundational stuff to get the house ready for the cosmetic changes. He's completely shored up the basement....tore out all kinds or junk down there that wasn't needed, fixed several beams, did mold remediation, re-wired the whole basement, re-plumbed, re-did all the gas lines, tore out old duct work, and painted the whole thing. He's also been playing general contractor and trying to decide which jobs to hire out and which to tackle himself. He ordered all new windows for the house this week...and he'll install those when they arrive in a few weeks. We'll hire someone to do new insulation on all exterior walls and the attic. Joe says he is enjoying himself....and it amazes me how he can work on such a huge job and not get overwhelmed. He's doing SO much work, then coming home at night and spending a few more hours on the computer doing research for this or that, figuring out his game plan for the next day, who to call, what equipment he needs, etc. It will be fun to see this place as it transforms!

Halloween and Pregnancy

2008-11-11T11:07:00.005-06:00

I have woefully neglected the blog!
This is going to be quick---a few photos and updates. I'll write a longer one later.

We had a fun Halloween--Rowan insisted on being Cinderella, and I figured I could indulge her for one day or revelry. The only time Rowan will endure clothing that isn't completely comfortable is when it has to do with princesses, barbie, hearts, and maybe pink. Where did she come from? Anyways, she was supremely itchy and uncomfortable all night (was over the top with plastic high heeled glass slippers that left pretty good blisters!)....but INSISTED on keeping everything on and in perfect place the whole time. Wish she was that way with all the other clothes she owns but won't wear...

We were invited to a neighborhood pizza party/trick-or-treating on our new street on Halloween...we got to meet several new neighbors and children, and it made us even more excited to move into our house on Allerton. Really cool group of people. After that I took Rowan to a "No Fear Here" Halloween party at Tom and Stacia's church...they had all 4 kids and we thought it would be fun to join them, and it was.
I'm also including a quick picture of my growing belly. This was actually from a few weeks ago...so I'm definitely bigger now. I'm 33 weeks along....everything is progressing fine and normal, I feel great, and the 7 weeks left until we meet this child seem really short! In addition to neglecting the blog, I've been neglecting good documentation of this pregnancy. With Rowan, we took pictures every few weeks of my belly....now I have to really remember to do it, and we've missed many many weeks. Is this what's in store for a second child? I'll work on better photos/reflecting on this pregnancy, I promise!

More to come...

Bought a House (and a new camera!)

2008-10-20T22:22:00.003-05:00

We closed on our house on Friday! Since the main deadline for getting the house "livable" is the impending arrival of the baby, it was great news that we could close so quickly....more time for Joe to work on the house! There is a LOT of work to do on the house (pictures will come soon...you will have to see the "before" shots!)...and even working full time on it, it will be a challenge to get it livable in a few months. We're discussing what livable really means...the house definitely won't be DONE in a few months, so what are the requirements to be living there? It's easy for me to take for granted how knowledgeable and skilled Joe is at so many aspects of construction and house stuff....it will be fun to see what he gets accomplished in the next months.

I'm definitely ready to be in our own, stable place for awhile...and the "nesting" hormones (which are very real!) that come with this third trimester of pregnancy are only amplifying that desire. My mom jokes that I'm "nesting" in her garage, because that's where all our stuff from the RV is being stored...so I'll go in there and pull out baby things, see what might match for a nursery. And I'm nesting at Tom and Stacia's house...they get the girls in mid-November, so they've had to re-arrange bedrooms and get beds/dressers all situated for two more children....and I've been (happily) helping (nesting) with those tasks.

Joe has been battling a respiratory thing for several weeks now. A few weeks ago was the worse...he was laid up for several days with a fever, aches, and deep deep cough. He had a chest x-ray, and it wasn't anything bacterial...so at this point he's still just trying to let it run its course. But it's been no fun. He's just been fatigued and sore....

We're also been waiting to hear on the firefighter thing. The "tentative" schedule said that the next round of testing (oral examinations) would be at the end of this week. But no one has been notified as to whether they have advanced or not. Someone Joe knows who also took the tests called Human Resources at the end of last week (even though, at the first tests, they had strongly been instructed NOT to call Human Resources to find out results! but come on, this is getting ridiculous!) and they told him that nothing had been sent out yet....couldn't tell him when results would be sent out....but then said if he didn't hear by the end of this week it probably wasn't a good sign. I guess the fire department doesn't mind the potential of over a thousand people calling to see what's going on?

We replaced our camera. Ironic time to fork out that kind of cash, but oh well. So there has been a lack of pictures, obviously, and I will try to make up for it now that the camera is back in my hands! I included a few shots of Rowan...I took some pictures of a friend's family (see below) this weekend and Rowan helped me scope out some locations beforehand. The fall days here have been gorgeous (although not quite warm enough for no sleeves...that's just Rowan for you...and the hat, of course, what can I say? I just ordered a copy of "The Highly Sensitive Child"...several friends recommended it and when I did the little self-test on-line for her, and she matched just about every criteria, I realized that I could benefit from a little more understanding of her particular ways). Speaking of Rowan, she loves pre-school....is loving all the time she gets to play with cousins and friends...is eagerly anticipating her new sibling (she has her heart set on a sister) and told her daddy this morning that "some people think that an asteroid hitting the earth killed off all the dinosaurs." She got a (bad) rug burn a few days ago on her abdomen...but refused band-aids or any sort of care for it (that highly-sensitive thing, she won't tolerate band-aids) but was keenly aware of how it was healing. She told me the next day that there was "interstitial fluid coming out, it's kind of like a liquid" and when I asked Joe about it, sure enough, he had told her the day before that the burns were wet because of interstitial fluid....not thinking she'd actually retain it! Rowan is a lot of fun to be around...and while of course the never-ending routines and tasks of parenting can get old sometimes, for the most part it's just a pleasure to be with her. We have great conversations, play hard, read a lot. I'm trying to remind myself what a newborn requires...and trying to soak up these last weeks with just Rowan. Here she is:

Just a quick shot of the Herweyers from this weekend...I'm not done editing all their photos yet...but what a gorgeous family on a gorgeous day! I'll share more later.

Michigan Update

2008-10-03T20:04:00.015-05:00

Lots has been happening the last few weeks! Hard to know where to start. This will be a long post! Joe got here just a few days before his firefighter testing. He had an eventful trip cross-country, to say the least. Had a few problems with the truck (he's become quite the mechanic this year...so he took care of it on the road)...and then was stranded for 5 hours with a U-haul tire flat waiting for U-haul to get their act together (he pulled a small trailer with the stuff we've lived with all year!) He had no problem finding veggie oil on the road...and made it back in a long 4 days. We haven't sold the RV yet, but decided to leave it in CA in the hopes that it will have a better chance of selling there with the more temperate fall/winter weather! We have 2 people going to look at it this weekend..it would be really nice to have this thing off our hands (and the cash in our pockets!)

Joe got here and hit the ground running. I had been looking at houses and narrowing down our options, so the first day he was here we went and looked at my top 5 or 6. At the end of the day, there was one house that stood out above the others...and we spent the next few days going back, taking an inspector through, looking carefully in all nooks and crannies. The house is foreclosed...someone had bought it with the intention to flip it, and apparently ran out of money. So the house is in mid-remodel....they did a lot of demolition, but didn't put much back together. So there is literally NO kitchen or bathrooms...just the spots for them. No toilets, fixtures, counters, cabinets, or appliances....nothing. There is some new drywall, but the house is basically a clean slate. It's a classic Grand Rapids 4 square, all brick, big front porch, nice oak floors, solid bones.

One of the best parts about the house is the neighborhood. It's on a great block. The first day Joe came to see it, we met some neighbors who we were sure the realtor was paying to try to convince us to buy this house. 10 of the neighbors participate together in CSA (community supported agriculture) and take turns each week going to the farm to pick up bushels of fruit and veggies for the neighborhood. There are 16 kids under the age of 8 on the street. To top this off, one of my very best friends, Katie, just bought a house less than a block away. It's about a half mile from Rowan's pre-school, a little over a mile from my brother Tom and his wife Stacia's house, and within 2 miles of many other friends.

This house really is an ideal situation for us. We wanted to re-do a kitchen anyways, and probably would have eventually re-done bathrooms, too. So not having them is actually better for us...we don't have to do the demo OR pay for someone else's work! We had our offer of $77,000 accepted (it was listed for $82,900)...and that's cheap, even in Michigan's real estate market. Because the house is so affordable, we will have some money to put a kitchen and bathrooms in.

The timing also works out fine for Joe to work full-time on the house for awhile before moving in. He really wants to see the firefighter process through, and we won't know whether or not he gets that job for a few months. If he gets it, he'll have the time to work on the house because training doesn't start until January. If he doesn't get it, we won't know until November or December, so he wouldn't pursue other full time work until then anyways.

Speaking of firefighter stuff...Joe took 2 days of testing last week and it went well. The first day was a multiple choice, general knowledge test. He estimated that there were 1200 people there to take the test! The second day was a written test...about 24 hypothetical questions that required written answers. Joe said that about 3-400 LESS people showed up for day 2 of testing, apparently self-selecting themselves out because day 1 was too hard. They grade these tests and then a certain number (we have no idea how many) will move on to the next phase, which is an oral examination sometime later in October. Hopefully we'll hear soon whether or not he advanced to that stage. After the oral examination comes the physical testing, and finally oral interviews.

Other than house and firefighter stuff, we've been busy doing all the other business of moving: new driver's licenses and car registration, figuring out house loans, trying to sell the RV from across the country, getting insurance and doctors figured out, getting settled into pre-school, etc. Joe has also been doing some odd jobs for friends and family.

We had an unfortunate (and almost unbelievable) week financially. It started on Monday when, in separate incidences, our credit card AND Joe's debit card were stolen. The credit card number was stolen on-line somehow, and luckily we noticed right away that some strange transactions had taken place. We got that cancelled right away...but still a pain in the butt. Within an hour of that, the bank called to say that they saw some suspicious charges on Joe's debit card (like 4 tanks of gas in a day!)...and we realized that Joe had inadvertently left his card at an ATM machine the previous week. Again, we got that all cancelled and taken care of....but still no fun. Then Tuesday morning as Rowan and I got in the truck to go to pre-school, I realized right away that the truck had been broken into. I know that this sounds incredibly stupid, but we had left our camera in the truck the night before. Neither of us can remember EVER having left the camera in the car....it was just really bad timing and bad luck. We were staying at Joe's parent's house...and they live in a gated community, couldn't feel more "safe." So we got the camera...and our garmin (GPS)...and a computer-timing thing for the truck all stolen. Over $3,000 worth of stuff. Right now their home owner's insurance is saying they won't cover it. Ouch. I'm not a materialistic person and could do without just about any of my possessions....but my camera? That one has really hurt.

They say that God speaks through children....and Rowan sure spoke to me that day. I was pretty upset about the camera, and when I realized it wouldn't be covered under home owner's and we might not be able to replace it, I was crying. I explained to her that I was upset that my camera had been stolen, that it was important to me and that it cost a lot of money. "But mommy," she says, "we still have food! Maybe someone else needed the camera, maybe we needed to share! We can buy another one!" and later, trying to make me feel better, she recited a litany of things that were not affected by the theft: "you can still read to me! we can still look at the stars and find shooting stars! we can still hike in the woods! we can still have hot chocolate when it gets cold!" and on and on she went, trying to remind me of the bigger picture, that we're going to be okay.

And she's right. We are.

Already in the few weeks we have been here, I have been thankful to be a part of every day things going on in the lives of friends and family. One of my best friends, Jenny, lost her mom to cancer in September...and I got to be there for the funeral and to spend some time with Jenny before she returend to California. My grandpa had his hip replaced, so I've been able to see him in the hospital and help with transport and other things. My friend Katie and her family moved this weekend, so we got to chip in with the truck and extra hands.

One huge blessing that we've been a part of in our extended family is that my brother Tom and his family are adopting 2 little girls....and it's all become firm and official in the last few weeks. It's hard to describe how much it fills me with joy to be here for this kind of stuff....Rowan and I took care of their son, Seth, on the morning that Tom and Stacia got to meet the girls for the first time. It's one thing to talk on the phone or over e-mail about these huge things going on in our lives...it's quite another to sit there face to face and hear about the first time my sister-in-law met her new daughters, to see the tears! Shae is 4 and Tayva will turn 2 next month. The girls will come to live with Tom and Stacia by the holidays. Lots of changes for their family and for all of us--we are excited and could all use prayers!

Cebulski Family Update

2008-09-10T20:50:00.006-05:00

This post is complicated to write. How to explain the process of coming to a very significant decision? How about I just put it out there:

We're moving back to Grand Rapids, Michigan!

I suppose that I finally feel like the decision is final because Rowan and I landed back on Michigan soil last night; I didn't want to announce it until we were actually here! We flew in one way....Joe will follow in the next week or two with the truck (with or without the RV, depending on if we can sell it out in CA). He's busy selling the Mercedes, a couch set we bought for the house, and some other misc. other things we acquired over the course of the year that we don't really want to keep. Then he'll make the trip cross country.

It's honestly been a roller-coaster summer, and especially the last few weeks, of making decisions, weighing options, and seeing what doors opened and closed. One opportunity that we were waiting on was out in Stockton...it involved Joe getting enough funds to keep the training center out there alive, then staying on as an assistant coach/administrator of the center. Ironically, Joe was able to secure significant funds from a local foundation (he did a tremendous amount of work and I'm really proud of how impressive he was in meetings and interviews), but it didn't end up being enough...or maybe just not the right timing...for everything to work out. There is obviously a much bigger back story here, but I'm trying to keep this all brief.

We had pretty much narrowed it down to either staying in Stockton for a year or two, or moving back to Michigan. So with the door closed on Stockton, that left Michigan! We have many details to work out in the coming weeks--jobs, living, insurance, etc. Joe has talked and thought about becoming a fireman for several years now (I'll let him write a separate post about wanting to be a fireman...since that may surprise some of you!) Turns out that the Grand Rapids Fire Department is hiring 12 new firefighters...and they haven't hired in 5 years. So that feels serendipitous--a door opening. The testing process begins on Sept. 25; Joe will have to be in Grand Rapids by then. The whole hiring process takes most of the fall...if he were hired, the training doesn't start until January. So while this will be the first thing we pursue, there will be some months in there to fill in with odd jobs and finding a house (and you know us--that means a fixer-upper!). If you're in the GR area and need some work done around your own house, remember that Joe might be available :)

Rowan starts pre-school tomorrow at Oakdale Christian School, the same school I attended for kindergarten through 8th grade. She got to visit the school in the winter because her cousin, Seth, was attending there last year. Feels strange to have my child going to the school that my first memories of school are!

I feel really good about being here. This begins a whole new chapter of life for us--can't wait to see how it all unfolds! We'll keep you updated as details become more clear. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers and we've been in this transition mode.

Summer in Michigan

2008-09-02T22:00:00.002-05:00

Between the Cottage in early July and my sister's wedding in mid August, we had lots of fun and adventures in Michigan. Many events probably deserve their own posting, but in light of the fact that I am way behind...I'm going to include a whole bunch of things in this one post. Here are the highlights:
1. Jenny's Shower: Right after the cottage, we held a bridal shower for Jenny at my Aunt Anne's house (if you want to see why I love my aunt anne's house so much, check out a few pictures from the shower on Flickr). It was mostly cousins and some of my mom's friends...but it is always good to see these people. I was pleased to get to be a part of the wedding process (little did I know then how much more involved I would get to be as the month wore on!) and begin the celebration of Jenny and Mark's union.

2. Farmer City, Illinois: I got to meet Joe's grandparents, his mom's mom and dad, after we had been dating for a year or two. They live in a tiny little town in central Illinois called Farmer City. Grandpa and Grandma Thomas farmed for their whole lives before moving to the "city" for their retirement. But they didn't slow down much...Grandma will turn 90 in September and Grandpa is 94 (or 95, I can never remember), and every time you show up at Grandma's house there is a meal with like 12 different elements to it waiting on the table. From the first time I met Grandma and Grandpa Thomas, I felt welcomed and accepted...and have felt like theirs ever since. In the last year Grandpa has suffered several falls and is now living at a nearby nursing home, which has been a hard adjustment for everyone.

Joe's mom, Rowan, and I drove down to Farmer City to see Grandma and Grandpa and to celebrate their 74th wedding anniversary! That's right--74 years! So we had a little open house/party for them with other family that live in the area. It was good to spend time with Grandma, and although it was hard to see Grandpa in the nursing home, it was also good to give him big hugs and watch him laugh at Rowan.

3. Peoria, IL: one of the nights that we were in IL, I got to leave Rowan with her Nana and Great-Grandma and drive an hour over to Peoria to see my sister. She recently bought a house there...so I got to see her cute new house, do a few wedding things, and meet some of Mark's family (they are all from Peoria). It just so happened that the night I was there, Mark was playing bass with his band....so Jenny and I got to hit the town and catch the jam session! I can't remember the last time I was out at a bar past midnight....we had a blast! A big part of the fun was watching Mark play. It was a part of Mark I didn't know yet....he really gets down on stage. He is incredibly fun to watch because he gets so into the music, is really intense, and is clearly enjoying himself. I was proud of my brother-to-be!

4. Playgroups: I have several friends from high school and college who still live in Grand Rapids. Most of them have small children...and when we all get together, it's pretty crazy. It's a lot of fun to see close friends with their kids, to see how they parent, to see the personalities of each kid, to see my friends' faces in these little people toddling around. I also got to spend a few individual play dates with friends who have kids close to Rowan's age. We went to a great little beach/park with Jill and her adorable girls, Lauren and Sophia--twice! We had lunch at one of the most fun places in GR--Yesterdog--and played at a park with Katie and her sons Simeon and Judah. And we also walked down to a spray park with Heidi and her son Ethan. Then we had a bigger playgroup out at the beach where Becky's family was staying at a cottage...and had a perfect evening of swimming, cooking out, and watching the sunset....and chasing around a dozen kids under the age of 4!
5. Meijer Gardens and High School Musical: Back in January, Joe's dad received the incredible gift of a new kidney from a woman named Stephanie Taylor. I got to meet her in February when we visited, and this summer got to spend a little more time getting to know her and her amazing family. We met up with her and her sons, Benjamin and Matthew, at the GR favorite Meijer Gardens. Then a few days later we attended a play with them that local high schoolers were putting on: High School Musical. We didn't know much about HSM, but Rowan ADORED the play...it was fun to watch her watch the production!

6. Evans Family: When I was 11 years old, a family moved in across the street that significantly impacted my life. They had 3 children....a daughter who was nearly one, and two sons...probably 3 and 5 years old. I spent a huge part of my pre-teen and adolescent years babysitting Daniel, James, and Noella. Not only did I have a ton of fun playing with these kids and watching them grow up...but the whole family sort of took me in as one of their own, and I also developed a close relationship with their mom, Gail. We have remained more or less in touch over the years...but I hadn't seen them in many years. We got back in touch and met up for lunch this summer....and all 3 kids (well, the youngest, Noella, is 21 now, if that doesn't make me feel old!) were able to come. It meant a lot to me to see them all and reconnect. I love this family! Then we also met up the next week to take some family photos at the park. Nothing better than taking photos of people you care about!

7. Mom and Dad C's 35th Anniversary: Joe's mom and dad celebrated their 35th anniversary on August 4. A few days after their actual anniversary, Joe and his sister Stephanie were both in Grand Rapids...so we made a dinner to celebrate. Their good friends, Dick and Pam Formsma, joined us for the fondue dinner. We went all out and had cheese fondue with bread and veggies, oil and broth fondue with meats and veggies, and a yummy chocolate fondue with all sorts of sweets for dessert. It was a long, leisurely, beautiful meal. We shared stories about mom and dad, gave them some gifts, and had fun hearing some details about their wedding day.

8. Lots of adult/friend time: because of all the gracious help with childcare, I got more than my fair share of friend time this summer. Several evenings spent out with "just the girls," coffee here and there, an evening of long talks and great dessert with Ken and Gail Heffner (friends who are more like mentors to Joe and me since before we were married)....all of these made for a summer rich in relational reconnections and feeling re-energized with conversation.

Click here to see a set of more misc. summer photos talked about in this post.

Summer Photo Contest Winner!

2008-08-31T20:40:00.003-05:00

This summer I took some photos of my friend Meredith and her family...and they submitted one of the shots to a summer photo contest in the Grand Rapids Press. Out of over 1,000 entries, it won! Pretty cool!

Click here to see the photo and read the article.

The Cottage

2008-08-30T21:00:00.000-05:00

For the past three summers, my parents have rented a cottage for a week in Holland, MI, right on the Lake Michigan shore (this happened during the week after the 4th of July...I'm trying to catch up on the blogging!) It's a big enough place to sleep our entire family--siblings, spouses, and cousins. That would be our family, my brother Tom and his family (wife Stacia, Taryn and Seth), Jenny and soon-to-be husband Mark, my brother Adam's children Kahalah and Wasson, and of course my mom and dad. There is a big open room with two impossibly long oak picnic tables where everyone can gather for meals, a movie room with a huge screen in the basement, a loft sleeping area with bunk beds for the kids, a hammock overlooking the lake, and a beautiful staircase that descends right to the sand of Lake Michigan.

It's an incredible gift that my parents give us every year---the lazy days on the beach, the shared meals at night, nights playing fast scrabble and Boggle with the adults, watching the cousins play for hours in the sand and water, taking bike rides, going on a dune buggy ride, the fellas playing endless games of bocce, long walks down the beach, picking blueberries, s'mores by the campfire, riding the sea kayaks, and just having tons and tons of time to talk to each other.

I remember the first year that we did this, I was a big skeptical that a whole week with family in one house was going to be fun. I remember telling myself that by the end of the week, I might really be tired of everyone! But that first year took me by surprise...it was a perfect balance of togetherness and separateness. Sure, we were together a lot. But if you wanted to steal away for a solo walk, or better yet...leave the kid with someone and talk a walk with your spouse!...it easily happened. People would do their own thing, then come together for dinner or a swim. It is also great to be at a neutral location. No one is "entertaining" and so the tasks of keeping a house running for a week---the meals, clean-up, shopping, laundry, sweeping, etc--get easily shared (at least I hope my parents feel that way!) Everyone feels equal responsibility.

I also love being with family for a week and having ample opportunity to take photos...at a gorgeous location. Each year we have gathered for a big family photo, then attempted to take individual family photos, depending on the mood of the children! What a joy to watch Rowan with her cousins, chasing them around, looking up to them; she awakes each morning wanting to know exactly where each cousin is and what they are doing!

I know that the weeks at the cottage will be an enduring childhood memory for Rowan (and future children!), and for that I am especially grateful. There are certain events in my childhood that stick out above others, and I often think back on these events. What could be a better memory for life than a week in the sun, with sand always in your suit, surrounded by people who love you the best in the world?

A highlight of the cottage for us this year was an unexpected visit from our good friends from Jonesboro, the Wilkies. Jason has family in MI and they just happened to be driving near Holland while we were there...so they stopped by for the afternoon and dinner. Jason and Julie (and their children: Duncan, Quinton, Lillian...and that's cousin Noah along, too!) were a big part of what made Jonesboro feel like home to us. For the last few years that we lived in AR, we faithfully carried out this tradition: each Monday was Cebulski/Wilkie night. So one Monday, Julie and I would go out...the next Monday, Jason and Joe would go out. Then every once in awhile we'd get a sitter and go out all 4 of us. But the Mondays that were just the guys or just the girls were awesome--it wasn't just meeting for coffee, although sometimes it included that. It was a whole evening...sometimes we'd take a walk, do a little shopping, and just talk talk talk for hours. Julie also has a special place in our family because she delivered Rowan, and took amazing care of both me and Rowan during a fairly traumatic labor and delivery! It was fun to catch up with them and see how the kids had grown in so many months.
To see LOTS more pictures from the cottage (thanks to Joe for all the editing) click here.

Oh, and a quick current update: we moved out of our big house of athletes yesterday (Friday) and are at Tye and Amy's this weekend...then into the RV temporarily until the next thing. Lots of big plans and decisions are being made this last week...so we will have something to report soon!

Pregnancy at 21 weeks

2008-08-19T18:45:00.003-05:00

We arrived back in CA late last night...and had our mid-pregnancy ultrasound already this morning. I missed a pre-natal appointment while we were in MI, so I wanted to get in right away!

Everything looked fine in the ultrasound. We decided to not find out the gender...yet. We had them seal it in an envelope in case we change our minds....but for now, it's still a mystery. The ultrasound experience in CA was much different than in Arkansas with Rowan. A lot more legal stuff surrounding it here...they did a whole series of pictures before even allowing us to see anything, just in case something was woefully wrong. And the ultrasound tech couldn't tell us ANYTHING here...I have to wait for a full report from my doctor next week. She did say that our baby looked fine, though, and through our untrained eyes...it looked perfect!

We saw the heart beating and all 4 of it's chambers, saw the hands, legs, and ten toes and ten fingers....the baby has been really active and I've been feeling it move more and more every day, so it was awesome to SEE it moving around, too. The baby is already over 10 inches long and weighs about a pound. What a miracle!

I included a few photos of my growing belly here...the one at the top is when I was 16 weeks pregnant, the one right above is from 19 weeks. I love this part of pregnancy...well enough into the second trimester that I feel great, have a good appetite, am sleeping fine, and the belly isn't big enough to cause any discomfort yet. I absolutely love being able to feel this child roll and tumble around inside of me...I just can't get enough of it, or get over how amazing it is to be carrying new life. I love seeing my belly getting rounder and bigger every day...I just want to touch it all the time. I am definitely one of those women who loves being pregnant...and I am thankful for that.

Wedding Photo Preview

2008-08-18T11:04:00.005-05:00

Jenny's wedding was beautiful and we had a great day....but are a little relieved that it is over, too!I just wanted to post this link to the photographer's blog...she already posted 20 or so images of the wedding day. The photos are AMAZING and really capture how gorgeous Jenny and Mark were and how joyful the day was. I'll eventually have to post a video of Jen and Mark's first dance....it was totally choreographed, funky, funny, and no one knew it was going to happen. Total fun.

Click here to check out the photos from the photographer. Since it is a blog, you might have to scroll down to see the right photos...but today they are right at the top.

My sister-in-law Stacia and I did all the flowers for the wedding...including Jenny's bouquet, the corsages, boutonnieres, and flower girl's crowns...and NO, we have never done flowers before! So check those out in the photos...we think they looked lovely :)

Joe and I didn't get to take a lot of photos at the wedding...we were a bit busy with everything else! But we will eventually post a few that we have from the week.

We're getting on a plane in a few hours to head back to CA, then more blog updates will follow...

Wedding Week

2008-08-13T14:40:00.003-05:00

My sister, Jenny, is getting married on Saturday. Joe, Rowan, and I are all at my parents' house trying to help where we can and get things done for the wedding. We forgot how much work it is to get married! A simple concept...but the details can get overwhelming! I included below the invitations that we put together for the wedding. Jen and Mark couldn't decide which one to use, so they just sent out both--one to half the guests, the other to the other half. Joe and I took these photos last summer out at Lake Michigan after they got engaged--beautiful subjects, easy photos!
We're flying back to CA on Monday. We're hoping that in the next few weeks we'll have a better idea of what our next months will look like---namely where we will live and what we will do for work. We'll keep you posted! For now, we're going to enjoy family and this wedding celebration!

Crater Lake with Curtis and Amanda

2008-08-10T18:01:00.009-05:00

This is Joe again. I'm just a bloggin' fool. We are just finally getting our blog life caught up with our real life. I guess that is a good thing. Means we are still having adventures.

Curtis Diller is my Bud. A Bud with a capital B. What does that mean? Well, he and his wife Amanda are in one of the most difficult years of their life, with tremendous challenges and demands upon their lives. In the midst of this, Curtis (and Amanda) saw no other option but to make it to Eugene to be a part of supporting me as I finished up my career. Afterward, we had a few days to burn before heading back to CA, so we headed up to Crater Lake Oregon. Curtis and Amanda camped out in the forest while Laura Rowan and I took refuge in a little motor inn.

We made our way around the lake by veggie truck for a few hours taking in the scenery. Stopped at a few outlooks and Curtis and I made fools of ourselves doing silly jumping photos while tourists whispered amongst one another as to which asylum we might have escaped from. Our wives took it all in stride, as many years of marriage has worn away their aversion and ability to be embarrassed (although I did hear them discussing who had the better life insurance policy on their husband).

It soon became obvious that we would have to blaze our own trail. After a bit of searching we identified a peak at the rim of the lake that seemed like a nice place for lunch. Only four feet of snowpack and a few thousand feet of elevation stood in our way. Convincing Rowan was easy. She’s such a cool girl and sees life so clearly. Laura and Amanda were a bit harder sell. Amanda recently had knee surgery and Laura was worried that she might need hospitalization if the trip was not successful. Nevertheless, we made it to the top and did in fact enjoy a nice lunch with a fantastic view. Now the trip back down to the truck was a different story. The image is seared into my memory (thankfully the funny side of my brain). Picture Amanda barreling down the 40 deg slope on her backside with a crescendo of "whao...WHao...WHAO's!!" emanating dopplar effect style as she flies by all of us. Curtis was at least 50 ft away when Amanda began hurtling toward the grove of pine trees. In a heroic display of matrimonial love and death wish tendencies, Curtis began to sprint down the slope after her. My original thought was that I would now lose two good friends in the next 20 seconds...but instead Curtis caught up with her, spun 180 deg in front while digging his heels in and somehow brought both of them to a stop. We all then joined Rowan (who the entire time thought it was hilarious) in uncontrollable laughter. What fun.

That evening we had a wonderful dinner together at the Lodge right on the lake. Good conversation and fellowship. Curtis and Amanda are deep thinkers with good questions. Followed that up witha campfire back at the woods and S'Mores for everyone. What a great way to end a couple of days with good friends and beautiful scenery. As always...more pics here! Oh, and the photographer of the pic above is Rowan. She loves taking pics and has to use all her strength to get our big SLR up to her eye, but she focuses, frames, and shoots away. She ends each shot by looking at the LCD and saying "That's just beautiful!"

Beijing Games

2008-08-10T14:12:00.002-05:00

How fun to watch the games in Beijing. Sure there's lots of politics and propaganda involved. But in the end, it's just a riot to sit down for a couple of hours and catch some mashed together swimming, biking, rowing, volleyball, and fencing beteen the world's best. It is sport...and in the end, it is like a garden salad...just really hard to mess it up.

We were talking over dinner last night, and Laura and I figured that we have between 15-20 athletes competing in the games that we consider friends. So watching the commercials is funny as we will be like, "Oh, there's Bryan...or look at Jake long jumping...or that's a funny shot of Amy." What I can tell all of you as you watch these games is that each and every one of the peolpe we know has given up much, and worked harder than some could even imagine to be there in Beijing. They deserve an unbiased, non-politacal, just for the joy of it viewing of their performances.

Here is a thought that I have used as a balm when considering the games in Beijing. This was brought up to me by a Decathlon buddy while I was still in Eugene, and I have used it to "give myself a little credit" over the past several weeks.

Many consider track and field at the Olympics to be a collection of the best athletes in the world. While many of the best are there, not all of them are. You see, the IOC (International Olympic Committee) only allows three athletes (that qualify) from each country to attend. In the decathlon, the standard for qualifying is 7700pts. If you are from Tunisia, and you score 7700pts in the year leading up to the Games, you are allowed to come and compete in Beijing. In the US, we have close to 30 athletes who will meet this standard. This is why we have the Olympic Trials. There is really no other country in the world that has (or needs) a true Olympic trials. So here is the interesting thing that my friend told me. The IOC allows up to 40 athletes to fill the field at the Games in Beijing. If you were to just go down the list of performances from the past year, and take the top performers regardless of country, I would be writing you from China right now. My score from this season places me in the top 30 in the world. I take this as great encouragement from this season. My only regret is that maybe I should have gotten British or Polish citizenship last year:)

OK, that's all...resume your enjoyment of the games. Blog coming soon about our time at Crater Lake with Curtis and Amanda.

Joe

I'm No Brett Favre

2008-08-06T12:43:00.005-05:00

Hello all. I am back from the Thorpe Cup after a horrendous day of travel. My flight was supposed to go through O'Hare, but weather in Chicago caused massive delays. Ended up switching airlines and coming back to GR through Cincinnati. I left the hotel in Kansas at 5:00am and arrived in Grand Rapids at 9:00pm. Flew home in 14 hours, could have driven it in 10.

The decathlon at the Thorpe Cup was absolutely brutal. I had honestly felt pretty good and was excited for the opportunity. If it wasn't for plasticine. You see, I can now verify firsthand that a 200lb human body can float effortlessly for up to 5 inches on the stuff. I can also verify that the same 200lb man will be stopped instantaneously by mondo once the plasticine has no more real estate. I am describing my second attempt in the long jump. I landed on my head in the pit, and apparently did some damage to my foot (would have preferred damage to the head). It appears that they hired a second grader to mold the stuff to the board as it was at least half an inch thick. Tendon or ligament I don't know, but it is somewhat in the arch area. I was elated to clear a bar in the high jump, and actually managed a complete the 400m despite the better judgment of our team physician who wanted me to get an MRI. I told him three things: 1) an MRI is expensive 2) I couldn't possibly make it back in time for the 400 and 3) I did not see the team of wild horses he would need to keep me off the track. Oh, and did I mention...it was 107 deg. Day two was excruciatingly painful, and with temps in the 110's it felt as though they had transported us to the surface of the sun (meet location pictured above). I was able to hobble through what I could, but the pole vault was just impossible. In the end, however, the US team was able to defeat the Germans by a large margin and put up the second highest team decathlon score in history. SO awesome to be a part of that.

Here are some other good things that came out of the meet. I was able to go out with some of the neatest guys I have competed with in 10 years. At our first team meeting before the start of the decathlon I was selected to be the team captain. What a humbling honor (and reason to finish the meet no matter what). If I wasn't able to go out on top, at least I was able to go out well liked and respected.

Secondly, there are elements of finishing with a dec like this that is good. Good in a way that a personality like mine maybe needed...to be reminded that it is time to move on and that moving on is the right decision. It is entirely possible that I could have had a great meet had I not sustained the injury...and that would have been nice too. But maybe I would have had a bug in my ear to try and "get a little better". Not the case with me now. That was one of the most internally as well as externally painful meets ever. The foot every step and the sun and heat every minute. I am done! I am content. I am moving on. This is in many ways an answer to prayer for me.

Thanks again to everyone who supported us this year in all we tried to accomplish. What a wonderful journey. As C.S. Lewis has written, in order to know the greatest joys, you must be willing to leave yourself open to some of the greatest sorrows. We have known both over the years, and I would have it no other way. If there are things in life that you have always dreamed of pursuing, why not give it a try. There is no guarantee that the result will be what you expect, but the journey and the answer are often worth more than the prize you thought you were seeking.

Bummer Decathlon

2008-08-04T15:23:00.003-05:00

If anyone checked the scores from the decathlon this weekend, you could probably tell that something was amiss. Indeed, this weekend did not turn out as Joe had hoped. He ended up tearing a tendon in the arch of his right foot during his second attempt at the long jump (which is the 2nd event on the first day). He was in a lot of pain, but really wanted to finish the meet...so he did, except for a no-height in the pole vault. It was also hotter than anything...nearing 110 both days. Not a fun meet....really hot and in tons of pain.

I'll let Joe give you more details and his thoughts on officially being done with his decathlon career...but I know that people were wondering how it went this weekend. We are eagerly awaiting Joe's arrival in Grand Rapids...he was supposed to get in mid-afternoon, but Chicago is bogged down because of thunderstorms, and right now we're hopeful that he'll arrive tonight at 9:00. He left 3 weeks ago today, so we are MORE than ready to see him. It's really been too long to be apart!

More to come

Live Results Today and Tomorrow

2008-08-02T08:46:00.003-05:00

Joe is in Manhattan, Kansas, competing in the last decathlon of his career! It's called the Thorpe Cup, and it's a meet that they put on every year between USA and Germany. Each county sends 7 decathletes and 7 heptathletes, and at the end they total up the top 5 scores from each country to determine a winner. It is usually very competitive and close...and is a fun meet because while you still get an individual score and can go after PRs (personal records), you're also competing for an overall team score, so there is a lot of fun camaraderie.

Joe is feeling good and is excited to compete. They don't start today until 2:00 PM Central, and tomorrow at 1:00. Live results will be posted throughout the day if you click here.

Seattle: Natalie and Adia

2008-07-28T20:06:00.004-05:00

While Rowan and I were up in WA, we got to swing down to Seattle and spend the night with another old friend, Natalie, and her daughter Adia.

The summer after my freshman year of college (that would be 1996!) I did a program called Kingdomworks in downtown Philadelphia. The program was the brainchild of Bart Campolo, son of Tony. It put groups of 6 or so college students together in an area of need, partnered them with local churches, and had them live communally and serve the neighborhood/church that they were living in. So I was one of 6 that lived in a small apartment in Kensington, a rough neighborhood north of Philly. We ran a day-camp at the church, spent lots of one on one time with kids, and in our free time tried to figure out what it meant to live in community and negotiate all of our differences. We lived in a small space, cooked all our meals together, worked together....you could say we all got to know each other pretty well!

Natalie was one of the people I lived with that summer, and we have kept in touch ever since. I went to WA when she got married, she came to MI when I got married, and she made a trip to AR soon after Rowan was born. It had been a few years since we had seen each other, so it was especially nice to reconnect and spend time together. Natalie and her husband Silas have one daughter, Adia, who is 6, and are newly pregnant with their second. They live in Sunnyside, WA. We met at a hotel north of Seattle, then headed into the city for the afternoon. Nat and Si went to college in Seattle and then lived there for a few years...so it is sort of her old stomping grounds. We went to Pike's Place Market then out for dinner at her favorite Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. Then we headed back to the hotel for what the girls really wanted to do: swim! Never mind cool art, music, and fish being thrown through the air...for a 3 and 6 year old, not much can top a pool! The girls played and we visited, then we plopped them down for a movie so we could keep talking. In the morning we ate breakfast, hung out, then parted ways again.

I always marvel at friendships that can pick up easily after time and distance. There are just those people that are comfortable no matter what, who you can listen to and talk to with ease, who you feel known by and know, even across years and miles. Those kids of friendships are a real blessing. Natalie and Silas have had an amazing journey since 1996, and she has been gracious to let me in, help me understand her life, and teach me what it means to be a friend in new ways.

Natalie and Silas decided to make the trip over to Eugene to see Joe compete at the Trials, so it was fun to have a short good-bye and then get to see them again for a few days. Competition time is never a great social time for me or for Joe, but it meant a lot to us that they came out to support us. Nat and Si were both interested, gracious, and patient with the long days of competition! Kind of humbling, really, to feel all the love and support and prayers we have had from friends.

Natalie and Silas have a blog which you can visit here. They wrote a few nice entries about the Trials if you scroll down a bit...with a few pics.

To see a few more photos of our time together in Seattle, click here.

Cebulskis' Great Adventure

February Photos

Photo update

Gideon Joseph's Birth Day

Piper is 2!

38 weeks

More photo links

Family Photos

One more photo link

July/August photos

More Photos!

Photo Update

Rowan is 5!

Do I post photos of my girls on the other blog? Or here? Or both?

Big Photo Update Oct-Dec 2009

Piper is ONE!

On haircuts and girlhood

A new blog, just for my photography!

an old letter to Rowan, when she was 11 months old

i'm in love...

sisterly love

Piper is taking steps

love this girl

Kitchen and Dining Room Completed!

Autumn Photos

big photo update

how can you not smile....

she does not have allergies

she knows what she wants

The trick to getting her in photos

important stuff

We have a crawler on our hands

My Family is Famous, Sort of

Hula-Hooping Rowan

Piper at 6 months

Huge May/June Update

little gestures

a few photos

pretty things

Piper at almost 5 months and Other Stuff

My New Photography Website!

Tidbits and Piper at 4 months

Allerton Avenue

No Hugging

Our second home

Celebrating Grandpa Thomas

House Photos!

"Formal" Photos

Turning a Corner

Random Photo

The tree

Bad Hair Day

To Rowan at Four Years Old

The best part

Sleeping Like a Baby

The M word

Istock Flames!

She laughs

Dreaming of Seamless Socks

Mini Photo Shoot of Piper at 2.5 weeks

Do we produce fussy babies?

Another Piper Update

Piper's First Days

Piper Jane's Birth Day

Piper Jane Cebulski

Heffners

38 weeks

37 weeks

1235 Allerton: Before

Halloween and Pregnancy

Bought a House (and a new camera!)

Michigan Update

Cebulski Family Update

Summer in Michigan

Summer Photo Contest Winner!

The Cottage

Pregnancy at 21 weeks

Wedding Photo Preview

Wedding Week

Crater Lake with Curtis and Amanda